Threat Quality Press

posted by Chris Braak

For your edification, here‘s a link to the Wikipedia entry about the Mayan long-count calendar. Because their calendar was round, it was going to have to run out of days eventually. The same way the regular, Gregorian calendar resets every time we get to December 31st, or we count past a year ending in “9″.

I am fascinated by these things, because I wonder now if universities have to pay someone to be on Wikipedia all the time, watching pages about the Mayan Calendar or the Masons or what have you, and quickly erasing whatever crazy shit people try and put into them.

And for fuck’s sake, if the Mayans were so smart, how come they’re dead?

That’s a serious question–if their magic calendar could predict an apocalypse that was three thousand years away, how come it couldn’t predict that they were building all their temples on their only arable soil? If the Mayans were descended from aliens with space ships and laser-guns and god-damn quartz crystal robotic head quantum storage units, how come they never got around to inventing the WHEEL?

Huh? How come, crazy guys? HOW COME?

EDIT: Here is a link to a handy chart enabling future SciFi specials to determine whether or not they’ve assembled a crack team of experts, or an expert team of crackpots. Here’s a clue: count how many of your experts are balding hippies with ponytails, and add it to the number that have outlandish beards. Does this comprise more than half of the people on your panel? If so, then you have made a terrible mistake.

This entry was posted on May 19, 2008 at 3:46 pm and is filed under Braak with tags Mayan Apocalypse Beach Party, Pyramidiots. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.