Threat Quality Press

posted by Adam Lipschutz

I received this as a bulletin, and I have a hard time believing that anyone who actually read it could feel that it was at all credible. It offers absolutely no reason logical or otherwise why I should support the efforts of the troops. This is not to say that I do not support the efforts of the troops, nor that I am not offended by the incredibly raw deal they’ve received as a result of this pointless, disastrous war. Just that I have better reasons for it than this stupid bulletin gives me.

It’s one of these:

You stay up for 16 hours

He stays up for days on end.

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.

He goes days or weeks without running water.

[…..]

If you support your troops, the [then] click “reply to poster” blah blah blah blah blah.

I am going to go through each of these one by one and say why they are all stupid.

You stay up for 16 hours

He stays up for days on end.

I keep a very erratic sleep schedule. I too often stay up for days on end. I don’t see why I should be impressed that a soldier can do it as well.

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.

He goes days or weeks without running water.

That’s another very false assumption. On the days that I wake up at 6:00 in the morning for work I usually opt to skip my shower in favor of 15 more minutes of sleep.

You complain of a “headache”, and call in sick.

He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.

I have never called in sick with something as trivial as a headache. You can see how antagonistic this language has already become. “Headache” is in quotes, suggesting that I frequently skip out on my responsibilities whenever I don’t feel like doing them. Well, that is just not true of me. I do what is expected of me. I’m beginning to wonder about this “you” character that is constantly being referred to. He sounds like a very unsavory person.

You put on your anti war/don’t support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.

He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.

I have never seen a “Don’t Support The Troops” shirt in my entire life. This argument is based on a nonexistent premise and is therefore invalid under any practical circumstance. I also want to point out that “He” who presumably shares these qualities, routines and opinions with every person serving in the U.S. Armed Forces, is not fighting for my right to wear that or any other shirt. This war is not about defending my right to wear a shirt. The Iraqi government has never openly challenged that right.

You make sure you’re cell phone is in your pocket.

He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.

This one just baffles me. I have no idea what is being compared here. He clutches his cross, so I suppose he’s a Christian and somewhat religious. Are we then meant to assume that the person with the cell phone is some kind of atheist? That seems like a very unfair value judgment on which to say that a soldier is somehow superior to a civilian. Besides maybe the civilian is obsessive-compulsive about his cell phone and I know for a fact that severe OCD will get you kicked out of the army.

You talk trash about your “buddies” that aren’t with you.

He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.

I do not engage in “trash talk,” whatever that is. As for why “buddies” are in quotes, I can’t really say. Maybe You’s buddies aren’t really his friends? Probably not, if he’s always talking trash about them.

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.

He patrols the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.

Okay, while I do not do those things specifically, I do do things that are enough like it that it might apply in a very general way. I will not argue that a soldier’s life is vastly more rugged than my own. As for what I do in my free time, it bears no connection to what he does during his. Of course, patrolling the streets for insurgents is what he does during his job, not his free time. A more accurate coupling might have been, “You make coffee for crazy doctors, he patrols the streets…”

You complain about how hot it is.

He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.

Yes, the soldier has it worse than me. I freely concede that I prefer my life over a soldier’s life. A soldier’s life sucks. But what is the soldier doing? Why did he fly way the fuck off to some non-air conditioned country instead of staying here? I didn’t ask him to do this. I don’t see how I benefit from him being there. My advice to him is to come back home where it is a lot nicer.

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He doesn’t get to eat today.

Damn it, no, either I ignore the mistake or I politely request that they correct it. And if I did choose to complain I would be perfectly in the right. Why shouldn’t we complain when something is wrong? Like WHY THE FUCK IS NOBODY FEEDING THIS SOLDIER?

Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.

He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.

MY WHAT!? HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! I wear the same “things” for weeks, they’re called my clothes. As for his cleaning his weapons, I too would be very fastidious about the maintenance of any instrument that might blow my own head off if not properly kept. It is precisely why I never carry one, so this does not impress me.

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.

He doesn’t have time to brush his teeth today.

I hate the mall. I get my hair cut about once every four months. A soldier, I am willing to bet, has his cut even more often. As for not having time to brush his teeth, that cannot be true because it only takes two minutes to brush your teeth. Even in the army you are given two minutes a day for hygiene.

You’re angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.

He’s told he will be held over an extra 2 months.

I have never squabbled over five minutes in my entire life. If I have somewhere else that I need to be I get up and discretely leave. As for the extra two months, don’t blame me that the government has broken their agreement. If it were my decision I would order him to come home if he wanted to.

You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.

He holds his letter close and smells his love’s perfume.

Wow, this solider has a very poetic soul. I know I would be looking at the naked photograph that the woman included with the letter. Which just goes to show why he’s better than I am, I guess.

You roll your eyes as a baby cries.

He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they’ll ever meet.

Again, every soldier represented, huh? So, the guy likes kids more than I do. Does that make him better than me? Any man can father a child, that doesn’t make him a virtuous human being, it makes him a normal human being. I am still unimpressed by the soldier.

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting.

Okay, this is the first one that actually appears like a valid argument. I do admire the soldier for his selflessness in seeing an injustice being done to someone other than himself and having a willingness to do whatever is necessary to put a stop to it. However, the war thus far has not put a stop to it. I therefore criticize my government for continuing to be at war.

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.

He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.

I don’t make fun of him, I don’t even know him. I can’t think of a single joke about the war. They called it something funny on The Daily Show ["Mess o' Potamia"--ed.] but that’s really more of an editorial. As for the soldier, is joke-telling not allowed in the foxhole anymore?

You see only what the media wants you to see.

He sees the broken bodies lying around him.

And I suppose you see the truth. Look we all saw The Matrix. As it happens, I see a lot of weird shit. The other day I saw I guy wearing a government badge hauling sections of lumber out of the woods and into the back of his pickup truck.

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don’t.

He does exactly what he is told even if it puts his life in danger.

Again, this assumption that I am unwilling to do simple errands simply because I don’t feel like doing them. Furthermore, blind obedience isn’t a virtue, it leads to fascism.

You stay at home and watch TV.

He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.

Another one whose point of comparison is very unclear. I take whatever time is given me to do what I like and it seems that he does the same. Maybe we are not so different after all.

You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.

He tries to sleep but gets woken by mortars and helicopters all night long.

I am frequently woken up by garbage collection, fire sirens and undergraduates at all hours of the night. It’s true that none of these things will blow me to bits or cut my head off, but the point of the comparison is that he suffers through disturbances, as do I.

Whew! That was exhausting. Look, we need to start actually thinking about the things that we say to each other. When you read something, it is very important that you look it over critically to make sure that it is logically valid. Human lives hang in the balance of the American opinion over the war in Iraq. So, when you find shit like this it is important to actually read it for meaning instead of just looking at the words before you slap your approval on it. This is precisely how terrible ideas get spread around. I think we should all do our best to stop stupidity before it starts and not spread this kind of ridiculousness around.

This entry was posted on May 27, 2008 at 1:01 pm and is filed under Adam Lipschutz with tags Adam Lipschutz. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.