Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz: BABY NAME ACTION!
Ashleee Simpson and Pete Wentz are…people. They are famous for being…for doing…uhm. Some kind of music thing, I think? Pete Wentz is in a band, right? He must be in a band, only a band-guy could wear…whatever the hell he’s wearing in that picture.
Anyway, who gives a shit. They just had a baby that they named “Bronx Mowgli Wentz,” and there’s been a lot of speculation about where the fuck a name like that comes from–particularly the “Bronx” part, as Pete Wentz is from Illinois, and Ashleee Simpson is from Texas, so why are they naming their kid “Bronx”? Recently, Pete Wentz was all cryptic about the issue, like it’s a terrifying secret. How will we ever uncover the truth?
Fear not, gentle readers, as I have the answer for you.
Using my great and powerful Science, I have divined the truth, and it can be found in the following two words: Disney. Cartoons.
“Mowgli” is from the Jungle Book, obviously.
That’s him in the middle.
“Bronx,” of course, is the giant monster-dog from the late-90s Dinsey animated series Gargoyles:
And who can blame them? Gargoyles was an awesome show. Remember the one where it turned out Puck and Owen were the same person, and you thought “hah, that came out of left field!” And then you realized that they had both been voiced by Star Trek: The Next Generation‘s Brent Spiner the entire time?!?!?!?
November 26, 2008 at 12:44 pm
I loved that show! And the whole Midsummer Night’s Dream thing and the Macbeth thing? So cool. So not for kids or illiterate parents. I loved it that they just went ahead with these very sophisticated storylines and didn’t even care that probably most of their audience had no idea what they were up to or where they came from. Ah, the power of Disney.
Bronx is kind of a cool name, then. I just don’t know why you’d give a kid a weird middle name, do you?
November 26, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Gargoyles was indeed awesome (except for the Saturday morning season that none of the creative staff were a part of – that one sucked).
But I think the Wentz-Simpson clan were going for meaning. Bronx…look at that thing. That’s a tough lizard-dog thing. And Mowgli is, uh…brown.
They wanted their child to exude toughness and brownness.
Which is why they should have named him Jerky.
November 26, 2008 at 1:00 pm
The only gargoyle tougher than Bronx was Hudson, who was the old one voiced by Ed Asner.
Gargoyles‘ transfer to Saturday mornings is part of what lead me to my theory about how the awesome cartoon shows in the mid-to-late 90s were actually kind of a fluke.
They got a bunch of good writers and creative guys working on them who could do basically whatever they wanted, because who give a fuck about cartoons? Then, the show becomes popular, the producers step in and say, “Whoah, whoah, whoah. You’re making money on this? You’d better let us handle it.” The whole thing moves to Saturday mornings and becomes retarded, the end.
This is because producers don’t understand that the management of creative properties comes in two parts; they think that all you do is extract value from them, but you also have to add value to them, sometimes.
November 26, 2008 at 2:28 pm
It goes further back than that, if you hear J. Michael Stracyznski talk about the meddling that went on after the first season of “The Real Ghostbusters.”
November 26, 2008 at 3:29 pm
I understand Mylie Cyrus plans on naming her first child Gadget CareBear.
November 26, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Damn. Now I want to name my first-born “Doctor Claw Holland.” Boy or girl, doesn’t matter. I think it works as a unisex name.
November 26, 2008 at 5:01 pm
“Remember the one where it turned out Puck and Owen were the same person, and you thought “hah, that came out of left field!” And then you realized that they had both been voiced by Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Brent Spiner the entire time?!?!?!?”
Ah, but Owen was NOT voiced by Brent Spiner. Rather he was voiced by Jeff Bennett doing an impression of Spiner.
Spiner did, in fact, voice Puck. The similarities in the voices are far from coincidental, and there are other clues throughout.
November 26, 2008 at 5:11 pm
@Erin: That’s enough out of you.
November 30, 2008 at 4:24 am
Why do some Americans wear “Union Jack” even though they’ve never ventured past the continental shelf? Because they can. And it makes them look and feel special. “Bronx” = likely place of conception, a.k.a, “they’ll have plenty of future gross-out stories for the kids when they visit again as a family”.
Classic Nickelodeon “Nicktoons” would’ve been far edgier territory for plasticine-rocker-poppets. “Spartakus (of “Spartakus and the Sun Beneath the Sea” fame) Count Duckula (adds class)” would’ve been a grand choice. If they’d had twins: “Belle and Sebastian”.
November 30, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I like Count Duckula Wentz. Then they could have given him a different place-name for the first name, like “Wallachia Count Duckula.” That would have been hilarious.