Literally, the Greatest Post Ever*
*Not literally
One of my favorite gags is the misuse of the word “literally.” It’s one of those linguistic ticks, like overuse of hyperbole or misunderstanding of irony (and hey, thanks to Alanis Morrisette, even my compass is off for what’s ironic and what’s just damn weird).
“How I Met Your Mother” has a good joke about this being one of the characters’ main foibles (“I’m LITERALLY on cloud nine!”); last night’s “The Office” repeat had Steve Carrell saying if you go into Burlington Coat Factory with $600, you are “literally, a king.” And John Hodgman’s “More Information Than You Require” has constant, running footnotes to correct his own misuse of the word.
But when you hear a broadcast personality – who, one might assume, is used to speaking on camera – misuse it, it’s even more glorious.
Some sports journalist on a MLB feature, speaking about Seattle Mariner pitcher Ichiro Suzuki:
“He was literally almost a god.”
Check. Mate.
January 9, 2009 at 10:49 am
Well, outfielder Ichiro Suzuki, for starters. But I’m pretty sure that in Japan, if you hit .400 for a whole season, you are legally given the title “God of Hitting.”
January 9, 2009 at 10:51 am
greatest comment ever
January 9, 2009 at 10:52 am
Japan: An entire nation overdoing it with the hyperbole.
January 9, 2009 at 11:17 am
@Threatquality: It’s just to do with their translations of things. In America, we don’t have a single good word that effectively translates to “Super Awesome Power Derived from Divine Mandate.”
The Japanese, of course, are fortunate enough to have such a word.
They use it to describe such things as baseball players, extremely successful businessmen, the Transformers, and certain varieties of dish detergent.
January 9, 2009 at 11:35 am
Also, I am literally a Saint. I’ve even got the certificate from the Universal Life Church to prove it! Best $5 I ever spent.
January 9, 2009 at 11:39 am
MIIIIIIIIISSSSTAAAAAAAH SPAAAARKAROOOOO!!!!!!
January 9, 2009 at 11:52 am
Thank you Threat Quality Press for continually giving me reading material to help me get through my hell of boredom at work. My brain is about to explode. Now what? WRITE MORE PLEASE!!! I know you’re bored too Holland!
January 9, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I’m not a machine*, woman!
*I am literally not a machine.
January 9, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Contrary to what you may have heard, Dolph Lundgren is not literally a machine. He does, however, have a steel plate in his arm.
January 9, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Oh, teh google is fun:
Search for “chris is literally” http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22chris+is+literally%22
Highlights:
Chris is literally singing his heart out.
Chris is literally spending his life to save others from the grasp of evil.
“jeff” http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22jeff+is+literally%22
Highlights:
Jeff is literally the right hand of our Kennel Manager.
Jeff is literally the heart of CNN.
“tad” http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22tad+is+literally%22&btnG=Search
Highlights:
Tad is literally twice the man he used to be.
Tad is literally all over the map.
“lisa” http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22lisa+is+literally%22
Highlights:
Lisa is literally a red-headed stepchild… (that one’s not bad)
Also, there’s one from a porn review, but I won’t pull threatquality down to that level.
God, I’m bored.
January 9, 2009 at 2:00 pm
@Tad: That second one about me is definitely true.