I don’t have anything to write about today, really, so here’s some assorted things:
1) Happy Moon Day. Today is the anniversary of the day some guys walked on the moon, and that’s great. As many of you know, the moon is my family’s ancient demesne, and I am its exiled emperor. I heartily applaud the nations of the world for their support in helping me send my armies to that lunar sphere, that I might recover it from the moon-Bolsheviks.
2) Only however many years too late, I finally just saw Sideways. Can someone tell me why they made that movie look like it was from the seventies? In any event, it was kind of a boring movie that I didn’t care about at all, but Paul Giamatti is really good.
3) Do you guys get commercials for something called National Tire and Battery? They have these radio commercials on all the time that are the most mind-bogglingly infuriating commercials ever. Just over-emphatic smarmy guys saying the same thing over and over again. “I can get four tires for FREE?” “Four tires, for free!” “Four tires?” “Four OH MY GOD FUCKING SHUT UP.”
Dear NTB: I don’t know who came up with your commercials, but we don’t roll with retarded shit from the fifties any more. Your commercials are so god-damn irritating that I turn the radio off when I hear them. They are so irritating that I turn my face away if I happen to go by your store, for fear of inadvertently reliving them. Do you understand this?
You have created an anti-commercial. You have created an un-advertisement so potent that not only would I not buy tires from you if I had four flats and you had the Swedish Bikini Team giving away ice cream and handjobs across the street, but I won’t even shop at stores NEAR you. I won’t even listen to the ads on the radio after yours. You are like an atomic bomb of unadvertising, leaving a swath of neglected business behind you at every step, poisoning the fertile ground of radio ads for your fellow industries.
Fuck you, National Tire and Battery. Fuck you.
I know, I know. All this talk over the last couple weeks, about musical theatre and teh interwub, and we’ve been missing all the important things. I hear the cries of concern. They say, “We are fearful, Jeff Holland…what can you tell us of television in the summer?”
