Archive for September, 2009

Today, a SECOND POST!

Posted: September 30, 2009 in Braak
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The Washington Post recently announced a contest to find America’s next great pundit.

It is, technically, a contest to find someone to write a weekly opinion column, but because I am A MAVERICK!, I made a video.  Enjoy it, you pissy motherfuckers.

[Brought to you today by freelance Threat Quality writer Josh Wimmer.  Have something that you need written?  Perhaps you ought to employ a writer.]

My church’s Bible Conversations group dealt this week with Mark 10:2-12, which reads as follows:

Some Pharisees came and tested [Jesus] by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

“What did Moses command you?” he replied.

They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

“It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
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rowhome gifApartment-hunting on a budget can be an exercise in seeing just how bad a place has to be before you decide, “Not only can’t I live here – I’m worried about what can sustain life here.”

In college, friend of TQP Matt Burns and I once gave brief consideration to the idea of living in a place that looked more like the definition of a “flophouse” than anything I’d seen in a movie or episode of “The Wire.” Rooms separated by sheets on clotheslines, a communal bathroom down the hall, the barest hint of outside light given off by smudged windows…

(All this, across the street from a Turkey Hill! Who knew part of rural-ish Kutztown could be considered “seedy”?)

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You have maybe heard of Tucker Max, King of the Douchebags.  He wrote a book called I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, which is basically about how he’s a huge douchebag, and is maybe also a guide to how other bros can embrace their inner jackass and become huge douchebags, as well.  Now, there is a movie of his book!  The movie, by all accounts except for Tucker (KotD)’s own, is a steaming pile of shit-covered self-aggrandizing idiocy.  It’s generally inappropriate for me to levy commentary against a thing I haven’t seen, and I have no intention of seeing this movie, which is why this article is going to be directed primarily at Tucker (KotD)’s advertising for the movie.

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Stand By…For Strangeness!

Posted: September 25, 2009 in Threat Quality

Inbetween drawing the next exciting issue of HAND OF DANGER! (this one has ninjas, which, turns out, are just a bitch to draw!), Chris and I have been discussing another long-form project/writing exercise.

cephalopod

This is not a teaser, exactly – but it does show that I did a Google image search for “cephalopod.” That should give you some indication about the relative normality of what we’re hashing out.

Happy Friday,
Jeff Holland

I have to go into the city to protest the state’s proposed 8% arts tax.  This is a tax on ticket sales that, weirdly enough, leaves things like “sporting events” exempted.  It’s basically just theaters and museums.  I don’t know what genius thought it would be a good idea to tax ONLY the institutions that must, by law, not have any profits…but I mean to make him aware of my displeasure.

Holland may or may not hold down the fort today.  I…kind of didn’t tell him I wouldn’t be around.  Until now!  This very moment!  Good luck, Holland!

UPDATE:  Where the hell are those Tea Party guys when we’re protesting an ACTUAL tax?

CommunityStudio execs know this about comedies: “People like to laugh at things that are funny!” Everything else is just fricking baffling to them.

Throughout the decade, networks have been trying like hell to figure out why people don’t seem to like the comedies they put out every fall. They just want people to laugh, dammit, so why is the viewing public so damn fickle?

They have no luck offering variations on established laugh-getters. “You liked Kelsey Grammar as a finicky radio host – why don’t you like him as a TV news anchor?!” they ask. “10 years, you people chuckled along with ‘Friends’ – yet you turn your back on ‘The Class,’ which had a premise that was at once more high-concept and yet somehow thinner than ‘6 people who like each other.’ WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE AMERICA HAPPY?!”

Then real frustration kicks in.

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The Invisible Brotherhood

Posted: September 23, 2009 in Braak
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There are a handful of scattered historical accounts that refer to a peculiar sect of monks that enjoyed a brief notoriety in 15th century Florence.  Most modern historical accounts ignore them, eclipsed by the more dramatic events precipitated by Savonarola at the end of the century; and, indeed, the “Invisible Brotherhood,” as they are referred to in Lorenzo de Parma’s Accounts (in other sources referred to as the Ordo Vitruviorum or the Ordo Architectorum), did not participate in any of the social or political upheaval that characterized Florence in the late 1400s.  They did not, in fact, seem to do much of anything–except to be a little peculiar, at a time when peculiarity, if it wasn’t prosecuted, was still unlikely to be unremarked upon.

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Bored to death 1The pilot episode of “Bored to Death,” HBO’s new comedy/detective show starring Jason Schwartzman, is like being winked at by a stranger: I feel like I’m supposed to already “get” the show’s humor, even though it is completely unfamiliar material I’ve been subjected to.

This feeling starts with the fact that the lead character is an author named Jonathan Ames, after the author (and series creator), Jonathan Ames, leading me to feel like I was supposed to have done some reading beforehand, but was absent from HBO-class when it was assigned.

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Yes.

Let me explain!  I get a magazine called Entertainment Weekly.  I’m not altogether sure why–I believe it had something to do with also getting pizza coupons, and there’s not a lot I won’t do if it means pizza coupons.  So, Entertainment Weekly started showing up at my house, and it’s hard for me to be around text without reading it.

This is why I read Entertainment Weekly.

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