A Hierarchy of Monsters

Posted: October 28, 2009 in Braak
Tags: , ,

Over at io9, they’re doing another one of those “who would win?” voting contests, this time between classic horror monsters.  This is, obviously, madness–the general population is ignorant as to the nature and danger of assorted monsters, and consequently their opinions on the potency of those monsters is suspect.  This is evidenced by the very first competition:  “Zombie versus Mummy,” in which Zombies won by about 30%.

This is nonsense, and it needs to be rectified.  I am going to explain the order that the monsters go in, so that it can be settled.  In the future, if your children ask you, “Who would win in a fight?  The Mummy or the Wolf-Man?” please refer them to this list, as it will save a lot of time.

Here is the order, from least dangerous to most dangerous.

1.  Shambling ghoul zombie

2.  Mr. Hyde / Creature from the Black Lagoon

3.  Running angry zombie / Voodoo Zombie

4.  Unclean spirits

5.  Witches (conditional)

6.  Regular vampires

7.  The Mummy

8.  Wolf-man

9.  Frankenstein’s Creature

10.  Dracula

11.  Malphas, a Mighty President of Hell (& al.)

12.  Cthulhu

13.  Nyarlathotep

Monsters are rated according to how dangerous they are against each other, and then according to how dangerous they are to all the other monsters on the list (Unclean Spirits and Wolf-Man have little to fear from each other, for instance, but Wolf-Man is more dangerous to practically everything else). Only if all other metrics are equal is the relative danger to the average human considered–because, let’s face it, they’re all dangerous to the average human.  They are monsters.

The first thing to understand is that this is partly a situational list.  Yes, a large army of shambling ghoul-zombies would probably be more dangerous than one wolf-man.  But a large army of anything is going to be more dangerous than one of something else.  A large army of Draculas is doing to be exponentially more dangerous than a large army of shambling ghoul zombies.

The second thing to understand is longevity.  Yes, Shambling Ghoul Zombies (and sometimes Running Angry Zombies, unless it’s 28 Days Later) cause the recent dead to return to life, but it does NOT confer any long-term viability.  The zombies still rot, and they will eventually rot away.

The third thing to understand is the nature of curses, which is going to be very important in sorting some of this out:  by and large, an extant curse will trump the attempt infliction of a new curse.  This will be addressed shortly.

So.  The shambling ghoul zombie is at the bottom of the list, because its physical capabilities are not substantially greater than human peak.  The zombie, with no neurological limits on its muscles, is able to exceed ordinary load requirements, thus ripping itself apart in its attempt to cause harm.  This is a temporary condition of superiority, as the rot that infests the zombie’s muscles will eventually cause atrophy and immobility.

Yes, the zombie plague is dangerous to you, an individual who is not a monster, but it is largely irrelevant to virtually all of the other monsters on the list, with the exception of Mr. Hyde and Witches (and possible Creature from the Black Lagoon), both of whom have their own supernatural intellect or powers to compensate.

Now, Mr. Hyde’s primary ability is that he’s just a huge douchebag, with slightly-peak human physical and peak-human mental capabilities; this will serve him well if he was fighting a regular, Shambling Ghoul Zombie, but would be obviated by the manifestly supernatural strength and increased longevity of the Voodoo Zombie or the increased speed and ferocity of the Running Angry Zombie.  Likewise, the Creature from the Black Lagoon’s primary ability is that it can breath underwater–this is highly limited in its utility.

Actually, Mr. Hyde versus the Voodoo Zombie is kind of a toss up.  Yes, the Voodoo Zombie will not rot away, and thus destroy itself, the way a Shambling Ghoul Zombie will, and yes, it has human reasoning functions.  However, it has below human intelligence–guided remotely by the intelligence of the Houngan–and therefore suffers diminished reasoning capabilities.  It’s also likely to misunderstand or misinterpret (or, rather, interpret too literally) the instructions from its Houngan, meaning that Mr. Hyde’s intelligence may obviate this, too.

Unclean Spirits are essentially immune to anything that any kind of Zombie (Voodoo or otherwise) or Mr. Hyde could do to it.  They can, however, by virtue of even minor telekinesis, hurl rocks or carving knives directly into the brain of an kind of Zombie, Fish-Man, or Mr. Hyde.  They are only dispellable by virtue of magic, which is what makes them subject to Witches and the Mummy.  They’re lower on the list than Regular Vampires, because Vampires have an increased capacity for physical harm and are themselves a kind of Unclean Spirit.

Witches are in a tricky position; ostensibly, they’re vulnerable to the basic physical attacks of the Shambling Ghoul Zombie, Mr. Hyde, or the Running Angry Zombie.  They are unlikely to be in danger from the Voodoo Zombie or Unclean Spirits, as any Witch would know the necessary wards to protect herself from those situations.  However, physically protecting oneself from a Shambling Ghoul Zombie isn’t actually all that difficult; moreover, Witches can create Voodoo Zombies to serve as physical protectors, or else otherwise charm or bewitch regular humans (even evil ones like Mr. Hyde) into protecting them.  There are a lot of situational questions that would have to be answered, but generally speaking Witches fall at about #5.

Now, here’s the thing about regular vampires:  they’re fucking lame.  They sneak around in the dark and drain blood from people.  They talk a big game, sure, and everyone thinks they’re sexy.  But is sexy going to protect you from the Wolf-Man?  No.  The Wolf-Man is going to tear your god-damn head off. Ordinary vampires are equally vulnerable to sorcerous power, which is why the Mummy, whose physical capabilities are on par with a vampire’s, anyway, would still kick the crap out of a vampire.

Do you understand this, Twilight fans?  Regular vampires are shit.  They can only beat Zombies, Witches, assorted Poltergeists, and Mr. Hyde.  That is BARELY BETTER THAN A REGULAR PERSON.  Shut the fuck up about vampires.

Now, contrary to popular belief, the Mummy is not a kind of zombie.  He is more accurately a kind of desiccated Lich:  an undead sorcerer, preserved against the ravages of time by Egyptian black magic.  He is fully intelligent, with the same enhanced physical capabilities as lesser undead.  Not only that, he can go out during the day, separate his spirit from his body to put some curses and shit on you, and has access to secret Egyptian wealth.  Do not fuck around with the Mummy, even if you are Brendan Frasier.  Because if you are Brendan Frasier, then you need to remember that YOU DIDN’T DO SHIT TO BEAT THE MUMMY.  The Mummy was defeated with BLACK MAGIC.  Unless you are an expert in black magic, you probably cannot beat the Mummy.

Unless you are the Wolf-Man, or Frankenstein’s Creature.  The Wolf-Man is generally immune to curses, because he is already under one of the most powerful curses of all–the Curse of the Wolf-Man.  This provides him no freedom from his nightly murdering activities unless he is killed by a silver bullet.  This INCLUDES FREEDOM BY WAY OF OTHER CURSES.  Witches and the Mummy cannot hurt the Wolf-Man using magic, and his horrible teeth and claws will destroy them pretty thoroughly.

The same is generally true for Frankenstein’s Creature, who was actually extremely intelligent.  The Creature is a product of a science that defies the natural order of the world, and so curses–which are a kind of attempt to pervert the natural order–cannot hurt him.  This means that the Mummy cannot hurt him with magic (additionally:  the Creature has no True Name, and this makes him very difficult to target with deadly spells).  Meanwhile, the Creature’s physical and intellectual capabilities are very, very high.  He will figure out that he needs a silver bullet to kill the Wolf-Man, and will figure out how to make one.  He is also functionally immortal, immune to disease, does not age, and possibly invulnerable to fire and cold.

The Creature is like the Batman of the monster world.  Do not mess with the Creature.

Dracula is at the top of the list of the classical monsters.  Why?  In addition to having the standard powers of the vampire, and the ability to be resurrected from apparent death by all manner of weird accidents, Dracula is also an accomplished necromancer.  Do you know why he is a vampire?  It is because he made himself into a vampire using black magic.  Even the Mummy did not succeed at doing that.  His physical capabilities and intelligence are on a par with any of the monsters lower on the list, and his sorcerous powers equal to the Mummy or Witches, as well as giving him power over the Unclean Spirits. Plus, he’s really wealthy, so could easily afford the silver bullets needed to kill the Wolf-Man.

Malphas (& al), Mighty President of Hell, is one of the 72 demons named in the Lesser Key of Solomon.  Demons, unlike Unclean Spirits, cannot be effectively destroyed.  They are physically dangerous when manifest and are able to make plans that span centuries.  They know most of the things that occur within the temporal realm.  Yes, these demons can be bound, but what a terrible fucking idea that is.  How long do you think the demon can stay locked up?  What is your plan for when he gets loose?  He can wait an eternity for you to fuck up, which you eventually will, EVEN IF YOU’RE DRACULA.

The order of ranks of demons, from lowest to highest, goes like this: President, Count, Marquis, Duke, Prince, King.  This is because demons use the English rank Marquis, rather than the French Marquis.

Cthulhu’s superiority to the other monsters on the list should be fairly obvious.  The question of whether or not Cthulhu could beat the assorted Presidents and Dukes of Hell is largely moot, as the consequences of their manifestation are mostly the same, but remember that the demons are a function of externalized human evil.  They are immensely powerful over things that relate to human beings.  Cthulhu represents demonic monster-gods that are older than the existence of human civilization.  His power is limited only in comparison to the deity that he serves, which is Azathoth, whose avatar is Nyarlathotep.

Nyarlathotep IS the end of all things, so it’s pretty reasonable that there isn’t anything that can survive his passage.

Okay, that’s it.  I’ll entertain questions on the subject, briefly, but there shouldn’t be any serious argument as the reasons for my rankings are PLAINLY OBVIOUS.

[Chris Braak is one of the editors of Threat Quality Press.  He is also improbably handsome.  You can find the books that he wrote here.  You should get them.]

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Comments
  1. Moff says:

    My lone critique of this piece is that you should have saved it and pitched it to someone who’d have paid you for it. Because you deserve to be paid for this. I mean, I don’t wanna get all ass-kissy, dude, but this is wonderful.

    This is probably my favorite part:

    This is because demons use the English rank Marquis, rather than the French Marquis.

    One question: Where do Godzilla and the Blob fit in?

  2. “Regular vampires are shit. They can only beat Zombies, Witches, assorted Poltergeists, and Mr. Hyde. That is BARELY BETTER THAN A REGULAR PERSON. Shut the fuck up about vampires.”

    L to the O fucking L.

  3. Liz says:

    I agree with Moff. The fact that I just read this without seeing any ads or getting attacked by any sort of digital panhandler is freaking highway robbery. This piece is way more sensible than like 3/4 of what io9 is putting out these days.

  4. Dave says:

    But of course, man is the real monster.

    OK, anyhow – Moff’s right, this is gold.

  5. braak says:

    Moff:

    I debated including the giant monsters on the list; the problem is that guys like Godzilla or King Kong are really more like natural disasters than they are like monsters–that is, their danger is measured purely according to the amount of material resources needed to overcome them. So, if you dropped Godzilla down in 19th century England, he would probably roast Dracula with his radioactive fire breath. But if Dracula were around in the late 1960s, you can bet he’d be the one hypnotising the one-eyed scientist into giving him the Oxygen Destroyer, or using his giant moon-laser to destroy Godzilla.

    As a rough estimate, I would put the Blob at about the same level as Frankenstein’s Creature, Godzilla at the same level as Dracula, and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man with Malphas (& al.).

    The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, obviously, is not a giant monster at all, but the material aspect of Gozer the Gozerian (also: Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, the Traveler, Lord of the Sebouillia), which leads to an interesting point about defeating monsters. In Ghostbusters, the big bad they had to fight was Gozer the Gozerian, a Sumerian god that probably rightly ranks in at the level of Malphas (& al.); in Ghostbusters II it was Viggo the Carpathian who, for all his fancy tricks, was basically just an Unclean Spirit, and much lower on the list than the assorted Presidents of Hell.

    The reason for this is that the Ghostbusters have specialized monster-fighting tools that intersect at an odd angle to the list. Yes, practically speaking an Unclean Spirit could pose the same amount of threat to them as Malphas (& al.), but those same tools would be largely ineffectual against Witches, Dracula, or the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

    As to why I didn’t save this and pitch it to someone who would pay for it–well, because then I’d have to think up something ELSE for my Wednesday post.

    Dave:

    Are you crazy? WOLF-MAN. WOLF-MAN IS THE REAL MONSTER.

  6. SB7 says:

    Very good stuff.

    Question: How do you feel about Giant Squid? I would assume because they are stuck underwater that they would be superior to the Creature from the Black Lagoon, but otherwise irrelevant.

    Question 2: The Ogdru Jahad — more powerful than Maphas et al.?

  7. braak says:

    1: Yeah, Giant Squid’s threat level is highly condition-specific. More dangerous than Creature from the Black Lagoon, but unlikely to cause trouble to anything else. He doesn’t really get on here, though, because I’m not including anything that is ordinarily considered part of the natural kingdom.

    2: The Ogdru Jahad are tricky; my instinct is to put them at about the same level as Cthulhu, and use Cthulhu as representative of a category of Monster-Gods. The signifier that I’ve been using to distinguish between the Seventy-Two Eminent Spirits and the illimitable evils of the Old Ones is more one of concern: if the primary interest of the entity is in the destruction of humanity, it gets a lower ranking than an entity whose unfathomable goals happen to accidentally include the destruction of humanity.

  8. Dave says:

    @ braak – split the difference – Oliver Reed is the real monster.

  9. V.I.P. Referee says:

    So, the crew decides to go in league with eachother: Politics, anyone? How do they manipulate eachother based on vulnerabilities? How does the slickest play to the vanities of the most narcissistic? Who’s the brawn and who buys into it?

  10. V.I.P. Referee says:

    …”vanity” not “vanities”…

  11. taynegheel says:

    I’m not an expert on this, but it seems to me that Malphas, Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep are in a class by themselves. That is, they perhaps need their own list? To place Malphas next to Dracula makes it appear that Malphas is merely a step above the Prince of The Undead, when in fact I’d assert that he’s another category of evil altogether.

    Just sayin’

  12. Justin Anthony Knapp says:

    Have we considered Zalgo?

    -JAK

  13. [...] so glad that I stumbled across a list of the 13 most dangerous monsters ever. I won’t give it away, but the list presents from least dangerous to most dangerous, and [...]

  14. BCS says:

    Excellent write-up!

  15. Nick Paloukos says:

    Congrats on being published in Metafilter. This was an epic read! And the comments are classic as well.

  16. OrionTJ says:

    I have a question:
    Where do you base your monsters on? In the book I read, for instance, Frankenstein’s Creature wasn’t immune to fire, cold, aging, magic or what have you. He was a new form of life, highly intelligent and strong, but not immortal in any way. Dangerous? Very. But in a different way.

    This is just an example, of course. Many of the monsters you describe have many different interpretations. I can name at least 4 vampire myths, for instance, not including the vampire watermelons from the Balkan region.

    So which myths and descriptions do you refer to? It would help me to see your point of view.

    (The vampires from Twilight, however, are lame. I totally agree on that.)

  17. Tom90deg says:

    Great list, although it was skewed a tiny bit by having only one “Rotting” Zombie. Zombies are like ants, you never see just one, it’s either thousands or none. In that case, I think it’d be up around Witches or regular Vampires, mainly cause zombies are stupid and easy to trick.

    However, there was one thing that had the OCD in me cringe…Regarding The Creature (or Adam, if you’re going by the book) “possibly invulnerable to fire and cold.” Cold, yes, I can see, he spent a lot of time up in the Arctic. But fire? That’s the one thing that The Creature is afraid of!

    But in all honesty, great list, very funny and thought provoking. This should end those nerd conversations once and for all :)

  18. [...] the future, if your children ask you, “Who would win in a fight?  The Mummy or the Wolf-Man?” please refer them to this list, as it will save a lot of time…. Monsters are rated according to how dangerous they are [...]

  19. andrew says:

    What about Darth Vader, the Emperor, and the highly underated Darth Maul fit in?

  20. braak says:

    Well, the issue with the Creature works out like this: presumably, he immolated himself on his funeral pyre out in the Arctic, but if we’re to presume that he was somehow still around for the many later adaptations into Hammer films, books, &c., we must assume that he somehow survived this immolation (or that it was faked, also possible). So, maybe just not particularly susceptible to cold.

    Frankenstein does claim that the creature, built as a new order of life outside the human biological order, would be immune to disease and would not age–this is one of the things that terrifies him about the idea of building his bride–though it is true that we don’t ever see any evidence of that.

    As for vampires, it’s true that there are a wide variety of different kinds, all with different abilities and vulnerabilities (including: vampire pumpkins, vampire wheat sheafs, a vampire scythe, a Lithuanian vampire that you can kill but cutting off its toes), but the thing about it is that the more folkloric they get, generally the more lame they are. “Regular vampires” at their peak are the modern super-strong bloodsuckers–probably different folkloric variations would fall lower, but I can think of very few variations that would fall higher on the list.

    Shambling Ghoul Zombies are staying at the bottom of the list, because you can measure the efficacy of all the other monsters by how many Shambling Ghoul Zombies a monster can kill. You can’t measure the deadliness of a zombie by how many Wolf-Men it can kill.

    Sith Lords are not monsters. Including them in this list would be preposterous! Clearly, some kind of new list is required.

  21. Jeff Holland says:

    What the –

    How’d everybody get into our room?

  22. Oksander says:

    Loved it.
    How does The Creature have no True name? Everything has a true name. The whole idea of the “True Name” is basically that True Name = Existance = True Name…The True Name is the essence of the existance of a thing, that is exists is the manifestation of the True Name.
    Even Cthulu has a true name – doesn’t mean that any mortal/witch/Mummy/etc. could do much with that except draw its attention and get devoured…

  23. Bob Brinkman says:

    Nyarlathotep isn’t the Avatar of Azathoth, but the messenger of Azathoth. Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos, is the servitor of the Great Old Ones, not the mightiest amongst them. Still, replace Nyarlathotep with Azathoth on your list and I’d say you’ve got it perfect.

  24. Lisa says:

    YAY!!!!!

    That is all.

  25. V.I.P. Referee says:

    I know, Holland. This is a pretty awesome party you guys are throwing here. Zombie pillow fight!

  26. braak says:

    Oksander: I’m operating from a position as such: the condition of “True Names” descends from the story of Genesis, in which it was given the first man to name all the things that existed. As such, all things within the compass of the natural world are possessed of True Names, descended from those first names. The Creature’s primary tragedy, created as it was as a thing outside the natural compass of the world, is that it is not a descendant of the first creation, and therefore does not have a True Name, but must manufacture a name and nature for itself.

    This is interpretive, I’ll admit.

    Bob: I think this is also open to interpretation, as the nature of Nyarlathotep isn’t a hundred percent clear–though it is Nyarlathotep that will one day consume all that is on earth (as described in the poem “Nyarlathotep”). I was specifically using the interpretation as follows: Nyarlathotep was the entity mistaken by the ancient Egyptians as their god Tehuti, or Thoth, and “Azathoth”–the blind idiot God of the universe–means literally “The Heart of Thoth,” then Nyarlathotep is the aspect of Azathoth that acts on the universe. This is, admittedly, a modalist interpretation that some people will disagree with; I’ll accept that someone who rejects that interpretation would be correct in positing Azathoth at the top of the list.

  27. Joe Nobel says:

    You left out some real horrific ones:
    politicians
    stock brokers
    corporate CEO’s

    to name a few. Those are the one that send creeps up my spine! Brrrrr.

    Oh, and where do you rank evil space aliens?

  28. braak says:

    Fair enough, though, as I mentioned with Giant Squid, I generally didn’t include anything that exists as a regular part of nature. Evil space aliens is a tricky business, as it generally involves matching a monster against an entire civilization, and the nature and ability of space aliens varies so wildly. I’m not sure precisely how to rank them, yet, but am considering it.

  29. goldfarb says:

    what about Dragons?
    they’re physically very powerful, have magic, and really smart…
    I think a dragon could take Dracula…
    maybe, anyway I’d pay to see that fight.

  30. Judad Corby says:

    This is an excellent post. Here’s my only slight complaint. You rank The Creature From The Black Lagoon as equal to Mr. Hyde. I’d say he deserves to be ranked slightly higher because of his apparent superhuman strength, his claws and his scale plating, which would serve as a degree of armor. These factors make him a greater threat than a man who is basically just a really evil dick.

  31. druhol says:

    goldfarb-

    I think that largely depends on the variety of dragon we’re talkin’ about. Folkloric dragons are easily bested by dudes with spears, and generally aren’t ascribed with much magical ability. Even with a dragon’s natual abilities (flight, firebreathing, and the like) one wouldn’t pose much of threat to even a regular vampire or witch, much less Dracula.

    If we consider a D&D style dragon (which I gather is the kind you have in mind) however, things get a lot harrier. A beastie like that could probably go toe-to-toe with The Man himself, at least for a few rounds

  32. Sofa Spud says:

    I have one gripe with this list…
    The Wolf-Man’s offensive powers are all about muscle, teeth, and claws, and we all saw how much good spears, swords, and guns (all arguably better than WM’s weapons) did against the Mummy when wielded by Brendan effin’ Frasier. The Mummy, conversely, is (as specified) highly intelligent and very very very wealthy, and can easily afford weapons made of silver (once he intimidates someone into telling him how to kill WM).
    I think Wolf-Man and The Mummy should swap places on the list.

  33. Penfox says:

    Here’s a question. Why wouldn’t the Mummy be able to figure out how to defeat the Wolf-Man? I mean, he can control legions of people and that’s a good buffer to put up against a rampaging monster to at least be able to disappear from contact. And what about regular vampires? Might they be smart enough to realize silver is pretty darn effective against werewolves? They were in Underworld, though as I understand it the werewolves were already under a severe handicap in that film.

    From what I understand about the Creature, his unofficial name was Adam, though I don’t know if that counts as a True Name.

    Aside from the cosmic gods like Cthulhu and Nyarlathotep (I would’ve put them far higher in context), what about aliens. Like Ripley’s Alien, or the Predator, or the Thing?

  34. [...] A Hierarchy of Monsters (tags: Monster Horror) [...]

  35. [...] A Hierarchy of Monsters I am going to explain the order that the monsters go in, so that it can be settled. In the future, if your children ask you, “Who would win in a fight? The Mummy or the Wolf-Man?” please refer them to this list, as it will save a lot of time. (threatqualitypress) [...]

  36. Pip says:

    But Sookie Stackhouse would accidentally seduce Nyarlathotep and rule the world. But for some stupid reason she’d still work in that fucking bar!

    What do I win?

    (BTW- This was simply an Amazing write up! If people on the internet who did lists put this much thought and energy into them, the internet would be a better place.)

  37. Sharon Needles says:

    Thank you. This post is full of win, on many, many levels.
    Happy Halloween!

  38. braak says:

    These points about the Mummy are valid, but I’m keeping the Mummy where he is on the list because, unlike most of the higher-up monsters, the Mummy suffers from severe culture shock. His powers are exceptional, especially for an ancient Egyptian sorcerer, but in a combat situation he is going to tend to rely on things that he’s familiar with (ancient Egyptian black magic), rather than things that have been invented in the subsequent twenty-five hundred years, limiting his effectiveness against Wolf-Man.

    Yes, Frankenstein’s Creature does call himself “Adam;” this, of course, is meant to be a poignant irony, highlighting the fact that he is no true part of Creation, but is instead part of a new order of entities. It does not count as a True Name (as I mentioned earlier in my explanation of True Names). It’s also a little obscure to refer to him that way in lists.

  39. braak says:

    Man. Seven thousand views, and only ONE of you bought my book?

  40. Penfox says:

    Fair enough. But what about the Xenomorph out of the Alien series, the Predator, and the Thing?

    I would think, in my humble opinion, that the Xenomorph is a horrendously deadly creature that might come in just under the Mummy and above the regular vampire. However, in its egg form it’s utterly helpless, although I wouldn’t touch it with bare hands (when Kane touched it, I got the impression that it was highly acidic). I don’t know if it might be able to use the shambling zombie as hosts, but to my thinking the Xenomorph takes on characteristics of its host, so I wonder if it might take on the shambling aspects of the zombie which would counter-act it’s amazing speed it would otherwise have if it used a regular human host. And wouldn’t it be interesting if this thing could use a regular vampire or even the Wolf-Man as a host? But, given what you said about the Wolf-Man, I think it might have a challenge against him.

    As for the Predator, it’s tough. Without all his gadgets, he’s just superhuman enogh. Presumably you’d give him all his neato gadgets, so I think he, too, would be better in most respects to the regular vampire. However, though he is a formidable warrior, the Xenomorph has gotten the better of him repeatedly due to amazing speed and stealth on the Xenomorph’s part.

    As for the Thing, there are two Things. There’s the original Thing, and then there’s the John Carpenter’s Thing, which I’m not too sure if they’re the same thing (pun intended). Personally, I put them both at the same level as the Angry Running Zombie. Once the humans are aware of them, they can handle them.

  41. James Cash says:

    Didnt know you had a book for purchase. But i did buy it.

  42. braak says:

    Mr. Cash: Excellent, and thank you!

    Penfox: the question about aliens is a good one. Generally, I’d say that the Xenomorph ranks in below the Wolf-Man, as they’re both savagely deadly creatures, but the Wolf-Man’s mystical nature makes him more difficult to kill. A predator without gadgets is probably at about the same level as the Voodoo zombie, maybe slightly above since he’s more intelligent (though, like the Mummy, suffers from Culture Shock). A fully-armed and outfitted predator is probably just below Wolf-Man, also. It’s true that the Xenomorph often gets the better of the Predator, but the reverse is likewise true, so they should be ranked about the same, depending on a variety of external conditions.

    The Thing from Another World (as opposed to John Carpenter’s The Thing) definitely ranks at the level of Running Angry Zombie; Carpenter’s The Thing probably ranks a little higher, though it’s true that the evidence we have of its danger is distorted by virtue of the fact that we only know that it is very dangerous on an isolated arctic military base.

  43. Ladytaz says:

    There is a wonderful book out called Monsters: An Investigator’s Guide to Magical Beings by John Michael Greer. You got most of the monsters in his book except: Ghosts, Creatures of Faery, Mermaids, Dragons and the reason I bought this book, Angels!

    I don’t think ghosts are all that threatening; most of them seem benevolent. They need “closure on an issue” and they disappear. Although some ghosts could be classified as unclean spirits.

    Creatures of Faery (according to this book) have used their “glamour” to attack humans and steal babies for centuries. Only recently, they’ve adapted their glamour to look like aliens from another planet. The book explains this better.

    I won’t address mermaids: they don’t belong on this list.

    I have to ask where dragons are on this list. I believe they are extremely intelligent and wealthy, long-lived and may even be among us today disguised as humans (which takes immense power).

    The idea of Angels as monsters really ignited my imagination. Not the cuties that the church would like you to believe in but the “4-headed, cloven hoofed thing” that visited Ezekiel. “Beings of shattering power and majesty, wielding physical and mental capacities we can scarcely imagine” are my idea of a monster of epic proportions. I think Angels would be #14 because no one messes with the Higher Power!

    On a separate note: the US Post Office issued stamps with all the classic monsters. Again, you got most except the Phantom of the Opera. Don’t discredit a graduate of the 10th level of the College of Sorcery (the highest level) and an extremely scientific genius. There is another book called Angel of the Opera which pits Erik (the Phantom) against Sherlock Holmes. I haven’t read the book but I like the idea of these two super geniuses battling.

  44. braak says:

    I have that book. I was primarily interested in his argument that many of the features that we attribute to fairy abductions are found again in stories about UFO abductions.

  45. V says:

    Hilarious!

    But what about Freddy Krueger? Even Dracula has to sleep, right? Probably have to place Freddy right above him. Freddy could lay some major hurt on on the Count while he’s off in wonderland dreaming about puppies and wine.

    And don’t forget Jason Vorhees (Friday the 13th), that guy/thing is like the energizer bunny: he just keeps going, and going, and going….

  46. DelRosal says:

    Wow. I hopped over from Nodwick and I am blown away. You have a Book?!?! I must have… but it has to wait til payday.

    Here’s one to consider.

    Pennywise the Clown. Demon? Unclean Spirit? True he was deflatable, but only under some very specific conditions and weaknesses. There is certainly potential given the range of his powers to give even the Mummy a run for his money. Still, there are those shortcomings and the limited scope of influence even for a being that seems to come from another plane of existence. I’m curious how he would rank, or should there be another list of other specific movie monsters including such entities as Pennywise ranked among others like Pinhead and Freddy Kruger. I would love to read your thoughts on this.

  47. tetracycloide says:

    i’m curious how you would go about ranking an entity like shodan? in the environments where she resides she has almost absolute control over the psyche of those within it but has little to offer in the way of physical threats. as an additional thought exercise we could include shodan with control of the von braun’s faster-than-light drive as a sperate, presumably much more dangerous, entry (at least 11 on this list by my own reckoning).

  48. [...] Someone put a lot of time and thought into this list… [...]

  49. braak says:

    I was wondering when someone would ask about these guys. Freddy Kruegar, in my opinion, talks a big game but is ultimately just a juiced-up Unclean Spirit. He is smarter than an average poltergeist, and so within the subcategory of the Unclean Spirits is probably at the top, but is of danger mostly to teenaged kids.

    Jason Vorhees would be ranked at the same level as the Voodoo Zombie, for obvious reasons–physically unstoppable, yes, but not especially bright. He WOULD be, if not for one other extremely dangerous ability: Jason Vorhees can translocate if you’re not looking at him. This means that monsters like the Creature or Dracula would be unable to stop him via the simple expedient of, say, dropping ten tons of rock on his head, or using their otherwise superior intellects to just tie him up.

    Presumably, as a hybrid of the Unclean Spirit and the Voodoo Zombie, Jason Vorhees would be vulnerable to appropriately applied hexes (though not curses or bewitchments); due to his literal unstoppability, I’d have to rank him at at least the level of the Wolf-Man.

    Pin-Head is an interesting character. I think if we’re being honest with ourselves, we have to accept that while the Cenobites pretend to the powers of Hell, they lack the cosmic planning capabilities of Malphas (& al.)–I’d estimate that this puts them at about the same danger level as Dracula.

    As for entities like SHODAN, that’s trickier. Context-specific dangers (as exemplified by the Creature from the Black Lagoon) evaluate pretty low on the list–likewise, I’ve generally avoided technology-based monsters, as they’ll have a great deal of difficulty holding their own against any kind of hex-oriented entity, operating as it does outside the boundaries of ordinary physics. Without control of the VB FTL drive, I’d put her in the same 5 (conditional) category as Witches.

    Presuming that SHODAN’s assessment is accurate, and that the FTL engine can, indeed, merge Realspace with Cyberspace, I’d have to agree that she’d rank at least at 11, possibly at 12.

  50. rabi says:

    Can you address the Gorgon?

    And thank you for this great piece.

  51. [...] A Hierarchy of Monsters Over at io9, they’re doing another one of those “who would win?” voting contests, this time between [...] [...]

  52. [...] folks over at Threat Quality Press have put together an entertaining article concerning which classical monster is the biggest badass. It’s an fairly long blog read but I suggest you read the whole thing so you don’t miss [...]

  53. jules says:

    Angels … the angel in weaveworld (clive barker) would make a suitasbly scary monster. There was nothing on earth that could match its power, but it wasn’t malevalent, only lonely.

    Perhaps that belongs on the same level as Nyarls Barklotep.

    Interesting that depending on whether you think of Nyarls as an avatar or messenger depends on whether it goes at the top of the list.

    Cos really is Azathoth that dangerous? or was that all propaganda…

  54. Clyph says:

    @andrew:

    I’d say the average sith lord (Darth Maul or Vader or Dooku) is going to be just a hair below Dracula if he has a Lightsaber — I’m going to say that a lightsaber is going to be at least as effective on wolfman as silver. Wolfman vs fully armed Jedi/Sith = wolfburger, no contest.

    Even without a lightsaber a jedi/sith is going to be at least on par with a regular vampire — above-average human intelligence, a lifetime of combat training, plus force powers to give super-human strength, agility, and endurance as well as the ability to launch & counter supernatural attacks.

    Palpatine is damn scary– he’s personally formidable (took out 3 Jedi masters in a few seconds), has arcane powers out the wazoo, the wealth of the galactic empire at his disposal, can see the future, manipulate and out-politic just about anyone, and has legions of heavily armed fanatically loyal stormtroopers at his command. Like Yoda said, do not underestimate the Emperor’s powers.

    I’d say Palpatine on his own would make Dracula a minion (or pwn him in a fight) and probably could hold his own against a demon prince. Dracula could barely rule over tiny, obscure backwater province — Palpy took over an entire frakking GALAXY. With an operational Death Star he’s got godlike levels of power at his command. Any bets on what the Death Star’s Superlaser would do to Cthulhu?

  55. For an interesting view of Angels (with a capital A), I recommend Zack Parsons’ _That Insidious Beast_:

    http://www.somethingawful.com/d/news/insidious-beast-final.php

    That’s the final installment, but use the index at the top to start from the beginning.

  56. Penfox says:

    Jedi/Sith aren’t really monsters, so I don’t think they count. However, there are things these people can do that aren’t shown in the films, that is if they’re aware of their powers.

    For instance, they can develop very compelling, very complex illusions. The Sith Lord Exar Kun was able to use the power of his Sith Amulet to detonate a star (Lord Vader was right; the power to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force). Their ability to see the future, even in the more immediate future, is very potent, but against the likes of Dracula I think it falls a little short. However, if you can sense such a creature as Dracula and see what he can do before you ever face him, you have an advantage.

  57. DelRosal says:

    very interesting. I do agree on the part where Pin-head and the others pretend to be stronger than they actually are but still not quite to the level of Malphas. Think you forgot Pennywise from my comment though. ;) Otherwise very good points and I totally agree with the ranking. Bravo.

  58. Great work braak! Truly excellent article!
    what about the greek mythology monsters such as the hydra, Medusa, the minotaur or the basilisk? Any ideas where would that ones fit on the list?

  59. RickRussellTX says:

    The problem with the Greek mythology monsters is that their powers were fairly human-specific. It’s unclear whether “stone gaze” or “stone breath” would have any effect on the creatures on this list. Hydra’s venom might be an issue for the humanoids, but again, most of the things on this list are nonhuman.

    The minotaur could probably kick ass at least as well as the Wolfman, but without the magical immunity to common weapons, you could probably take him down with some basic firepower.

  60. braak says:

    Rick’s assessment is generally accurate. Based on my initial inquiries into the subject, I’d have to say that the capacity of Medusa’s petrifying gaze would see limited utility against Dracula, vampires, or the Wolf-Man (transformative hexes are largely inoperable against shape-changing entities).

    Stheno and Euryale, of course, are actually minor deities and immortal by human standards–obviously, they’d be vulnerable to the destructive force of Cthulhu, but some question remains as to whether or not they could be undone by entities like the Seventy Two Eminent Spirits, or Dracula. On the other hand, they also never leave their island, and are not predatory monsters of the fashion of Wolf-Man or vampires, so their overall threat could be evaluated fairly low.

  61. braak says:

    Pennywise the Clown, of course, is a whole other story. He is clearly the manifestation of a supremely-powerful transdimensional alien entity that, itself, would have to rank at at least the level of Malphas (& al.), probably closer in ranking to Cthulhu. As a physical manifestation, however, it seems that he can be defeated by nothing more than grim determination.

    Like Freddy Kreuger, we’re made to feel that Pennywise is terrifying, primarily because of the seemingly limitless scope of his power–but “seemingly” is the key word there, and upon further consideration, it seems clear that there’s a reason that Pennywise mostly picks on little kids.

  62. Andrew says:

    Free content like this is what makes the intarwebs go ’round. Thank you, braak, and everyone else who has followed up with great questions.

    Also, it is a good thing I read through the comments to the post in which you mentioned your book, or I would never have known and would not have just now purchased it. (for the iPhone Kindle app; living in Europe has completely changed my book purchasing habits). So, thanks for that. Did Jeff VanderMeer review it for Amazon?

  63. DenzelWTek says:

    Hello there, Happy late Halloween(:

  64. Thanks Rick & Braak for your great answers! i’m a big “monsters” fan myself and find the hierarchy idea fascinating… There are severals folkloric creatures that i’d love to see confronting each other hehe but i’m not mentioning them cause i think the article was not focused in mythological/folkloric creatures. Some of them would be Cockatrice, Tengu, Manticore, Leviathan, Goblins/Gremlins, Cerberus, Catoblepas, etc…
    Thanks again!

  65. Joe says:

    Where would Galactus fit in on this list? As long as we’re including comic book entities like the monsters from hellboy.

    Also, where would the Kraken go?
    And how about Medusa and the gorgons, or the titans of greek mythology?

  66. Joe says:

    How ’bout the chimera?

  67. Oddzball says:

    Freddy Krueger would give most of thos guys a really bad time. He gets in your head and really cannot be destroyed.

  68. zombieHater says:

    anything i can shoot or stab to death at all is not scarey, just annoying
    earthquakes are scarier than zombies, asteroids are scarier than wolfman!
    and jedis are, well, jedis and need to stay in outer space in a galaxy far far away and would not affect me at all, siths just want to kill jedis so…?
    Lovecraft is an absolutely hideous genius but why do his guys get the top spot? I mean even Cthulhu is an alien, so then i think that pretty much opens the door for comic book and/or traditional mythos from anywhere…
    if we are going to look at any folklore, which any of these entities/monsters certainly pertain to, then i feel any and all must be considered in the conversation. that said i would like to know how the titans would fair especially against the likes of these “politicians” from hell, are they not of comprable power, and can’t zues and any greek myths be considered if we name egyptian and babylonian entities…in addition why not include galactus or thanos or sylar or lucifer for that matter…most of all though i just have to seriously disagree with all the wolfman hooplah, i would kill him, and if i can do it then i bet most of these monsters would hand him his face on a silver platter, and an alien would , well turn into a alien wolfman (or vampire if available, which would be VERY hard to deal with), much like the AVP2 scenario…and on the predator’s behalf i need to say that he/they would fuck up everybody and everything that “can die” they will determine a weakness, and exploit it, and if they do so unfairly they will give whatever it is a chance to hold their own, honor amongst warriors…and if they were to potentially lose, well, so does the enemy and the entire planet if need be
    all that aside, and for the record, yes, zombies and normal vampires suck each other’s mainstream basillicsacks…ive seen it, and wasn’t even a little scared! what about a skuzzlebutt?

  69. SameAs It Ever Was says:

    yeah, if i can stick a piece of wood in it (any vampires) and/or just hack at it with a machete (the creature does what exactly with his bloody head in my hands), or just shoot it (i know they do make silver bullets, but they are not so accurate)…not so scarey…a good (and by good i mean very bad although highly talented) witch can probably either use a sick spell or manipulate the physical environment around her/him in such a way as too effectively stave off any of the “worldly” monsters…beings from another planet or universe are more scarey, but even so, if there is ANY way to defeat it, i’ll always put my money on an uncorruptable stable minded genius with some money and who works out a few times a week, just figure out what you need to get the job done and go get it (special book, amulet, crystals, magic sword, silver bullets…whatever)…I am far more terrified of the reality of republican agendas than any creature i should be killing (or destroying, or hiding away for a few thousand years in a special talisman..you know the drill)

  70. Penfox says:

    Zombiehater –

    The Cthulhu mythos is squarely a horror mythos of human beings messing with things that they really shouldn’t be dabbling in. They’re literally opening a door for these horredously evil gods to come in and cut loose, and once unleashed, there is no stopping them. Sort of like Democrats trying to control our lives through socialism. They, too, utilize cults to draw followers to do their bidding in the material world, whose followers believe that somehow they will be the beneficiaries of their schemes. That is part of the insanity aspect; the followers of these fell creatures never believe the creatures they worship will ever turn on them, and will reward them for their servitude. It’s the “If you can’t beat the Devil, be the Devil’s friend,” kind of approach.

  71. DelRosal says:

    Ok now this thread is becoming an “I’m tougher than all of these guys, those aren’t so scary” chest puffing thread instead of a logically minded monster match up. This was just about the monsters and the damage they can do to each other vs humanity in general, not how tough they are against the people who defeat them. If they were undefeatable and some of them are, it wouldn’t be fun to talk about them.

    And SameAs It Ever Was needs to lay off the Parenthesis (or maybe they like them too much).

  72. Penfox says:

    Personally, I would probably not put the Cthulhu gods and other beings in the same league as the other monsters, but I might put their followers in there, and they can be very dangerous. Not as dangerous as a Witch directly or certainly not a Vampire, but dangerous enough to wreck some havoc because they don’t advertise what they’re doing on their sleeve. What’s more, they’re not directly trying to harm people like a vampire might for sustenence. What these followers are doing is undermining the very survival of all life on Earth to the whims of an alien creature. But they’re easily defeatable once people are aware of them.

  73. [...] an incredibly thorough and informative online guide about the relative powers of various monsters. Wasn’t me. If I had written that, I would be the most powerful monster of all. Published [...]

  74. [...] dirty work of an elaborate who-would-win pitting and produced this simple yet not-to-be-contested Hierarchy of Monsters, based on how dangerous the monsters are against each other and to all the other monsters on the [...]

  75. kat says:

    what about the dalak the borg and other si-fi monsters

  76. LILGRL says:

    Do not fuck around with the Mummy, even if you are Brendan Frasier. Because if you are Brendan Frasier, then you need to remember that YOU DIDN’T DO SHIT TO BEAT THE MUMMY. The Mummy was defeated with BLACK MAGIC. Unless you are an expert in black magic, you probably cannot beat the Mummy.

    Love it. I agree with the above posters–this is completely sell-able.

  77. Jaune says:

    Very very interesting read. Well thought out, and very amusing.

    Only gripe i had was Vampires above witches, and the Cthulhu mythos was a little shaky, but it wouldn’t have affected the standings at all.

  78. Rick Russell says:

    Witches, like many of the other intelligent humanoids on the list, can vary across a wide spectrum. They could be dizzy poultice-making entrails-reading idiots, or they could literally be consorting with the powers of Satan.

    Just like mummies could be shambling goofballs whose main function is to frighten Abbott & Costello, or hyper-intelligent liches whose life force is sustained by black magic.

  79. og says:

    are you fucking serious? did you REALLY have to take the time to write a persuasive essay with an analytic breakdown of what unexistant creature would be resistant(or more powerful than) another unexistant monster? i mean, be realistic and put a fucking sasquatch up against el chupacabra for christ sakes… or a fucking giant squid up against an alien threat. ghouls are more powerful than running zombies? who are you to determine which science fiction character would do work on the other? im sorry i came across this website via stumbleupon.com at 7 AM after a night of heavy drinking and partying only to be so devastatingly dissappointed in how… SERIOUS you are about this. im sorry kid(and i pray to god your just a kid and youll grow out of this stupid shit), but this blog is fucking retarded. get some pussy, get some money, get some weed, listen to some little wayne and GROW THE FUCK UP.

  80. braak says:

    Devastatingly disappointed. Really. What, did you start crying about it, or something? Need to pop a handful of prozac to cope with the existential misery of deadpan humor? Are you scarred for life because sasquatch was not included on the list?

    I appreciate your concern for my wellbeing. I’ll be sure to take your advice and emulate you in all ways, as there’s nothing that says maturity like weed and Li’l Wayne.

    Idiot.

  81. Moff says:

    @braak: I think he misread your name as “brah.”

  82. DelRosal says:

    There’s a kill joy in every thread. Someone needs a good cry and a nap it sounds like. Must think pussy, weed, and heavy drinking plus looking at stumbledupon at 7am constitutes a full and intellectually challenging life. I personally applaud this list and I’m sure time will tell the difference between what you the author will be doing (hopefully something even more awesome) and Og will be doing (most likely more of the same, but with less braincells). Then we’ll see who really needs to grow up. Kudos.

  83. Jeff Holland says:

    Crackpeddlinfreakdaddy@[WITHHELDBYEDITOR].com was just trying to help you live a better life, Chris.

  84. Jeff Holland says:

    RE: Link: Hee hee hee…I remember Myspace.

    But yes, that would likely be the “Crackpeddlinfreakdaddy” who wishes we would be more mature and good-humored.

    By smoking more weed and listening to more Li’l Wayne. (Did I get that right? “Li’l”?)

  85. Moff says:

    It’s actually just “Lil,” no apostrophe. Whereas it’s Lil’ Kim. This is an issue that comes up awfully frequently in the world of modern-music-magazine copy editing.

  86. Bisuit says:

    I’ve been a huge fan of monsters since I was a little girl. There was nothing more that would bring a smile to my face. This list and the comments left by 99% of the people here bring warmth to my heart. It’s good to see others that can think outside the ‘box’ society trys to shove the general public into. My only ‘issue’ with all of this is the xenomorphs. (though I am rather one-sided about them). I was just sore that the author made more sense about their postion on the list than I would have liked.

    Though I do have an interesting question: The movie, Event Horizone, the space ship that went to hell due to a wormhole/blackhole that went wrong. Where would the ship it’s self and the Doctor rank on this list?

  87. joetraincool says:

    I know it is bad etiquette to dust off a post this old, however, it seems that you left out your own monster, a beast that does not exist in actual space, making it effectively invincible, and can suck the life out of any creature it comes across. Also, it’s scary looking. Another great post, well done.

  88. [...] has been nearly TWO YEARS since I first published the Hierarchy of Monsters, and in the subsequent time no one has published any modified hierarchy that is more accurate, [...]

  89. [...] of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about [...]

  90. [...] of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about [...]

  91. [...] of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about [...]

  92. [...] of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about [...]

  93. [...] of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about [...]

  94. Writing Tips And Advice|Writing Tips|Writers Hangout|top 10 fantasy books|top 10 censored books|internet censorship…

    [...]A Hierarchy of Monsters « Threat Quality Press[...]…

  95. [...] of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about [...]

  96. zombie humour…

    [...]A Hierarchy of Monsters « Threat Quality Press[...]…

  97. Z says:

    Actually, Stay-Puft was the “form of the Destructor,” plucked from the mind of Ray Stanz, NOT an embodiment or manifestation of Gozer the Gozerian. And I disagree with the limited effectiveness of the Ghostbuster’s weaponry. Proton packs are obviously quite destructive to physical matter (aside from vaporizing matter they also ignite almost everything) which would include most of this list. Besides, no one would want to “cross the streams,” right? “Total protonic reversal” being “Bad,” as an “Important Safety Tip.”

    I don’t understand why Frankenstein’s Creation is thought to be at all Magical (possibly immune or resistant to heat & cold?) when already stated to be a triumph of Science. It would be just as affected by being doused in gasoline and having a match tossed at it as you or I. Which is why its only fear is Flames. And solitude.

    The Lovecraft Mythos is much more complex than just a hierarchy of supreme, outside-of-time Evil. But I agree that Mythos entities are far greater than all the rest as they have always existed in all times and all places simultaneously, completely independent of Humanity. The Great Cthulhu is their High Priest. Nyarlathotep is a speaking-piece in some stories, an avatar (of various entities, sometimes dread Cthulhu, sometimes the Yellow King, most often Yogg Sothoth) in others, so it is difficult to place accurately. Yogg-Sothoth is the Gate, the Way, the very form of the Multiverse, before that concept (scientifically speaking; these ideas about the form of reality are actually very old in various religions. Judaism includes 10-dimensional string theory in its aspects of God, for example) was imagined by anyone else. Azathoth has no real will, it is simply Chaos. These are the Great Old Ones and then there are the Elder Gods to consider… Sorry, I’m getting carried away in my zeal for Lovecraft.

    I agree with everything else, especially the lame factor of Vampires. I’ve always thought the Wolf Man would shred any given vamp.

    Actually, Silver (alloy) bullets being produced in factories today are more accurate than their traditional lead counterparts. It is, as far as I know, unknown whether the Silver must be 100% pure to affect the Wolf Man. 100% pure Silver bullets CAN be made to fire with almost equal to lead accuracy but the powder charge must be reduced or the bullet will disintegrate in flight. Since you’re probably not gonna get a chance to snipe the Wolf Man, this is almost irrelevant. I believe that any weapon made of Silver would be effective vs. Wolf Man.

    I like parentheses. They make complex thoughts easier to write. If you don’t like them ignore their contents at your peril.

    I disagree about lightsabers vs. Wolf Man. The Curse of the Wolf Man is being forgotten. There is no magic in a lightsaber. The damage from a lightsaber is physically no different from being cut with a white-hot, razor-sharp blade of steel or iron. Wolf Man wins. That’s not to say some aspect of the Force couldn’t allow the Force-user to escape. Remember that the ONLY weakness of the Wolf Man is Silver!

    I think you’re taking as source material mainly all the many movies that have been made featuring monsters, right? That would explain the differences between the Frankenstein Creature in the novel and in this list. That applies to vamps, wolf-men, zombies, Dracula, and pretty much all of them, looking back and thinking about them all.

    I must say that I’ve found this to be a great read and thoroughly entertaining! Thanks!

  98. braak says:

    Actually, Gozer the Gozerian and Gozer the Destructor are two aspects of the same entity — Gozer the Destructor is an entity manifest in many forms, and the form chosen at the end of Ghostbusters was that of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

    The point of illustrating how the proton packs don’t necessarily intersect with the list has to do with things like Witches — proton packs can’t reverse charms or enchantments, prevent hexes, or otherwise obviate lingering curses. The proton packs were consistently shown to be useless against deities (like Marduk and Tiamat), elementals, and non-ectoplasmic entities (like the Boogeyman).

    I have already stated the reason for the Creature’s resistance to magic, but just in case you missed it: the Creature, as a triumph of science, is from a magisterium divergent with the natural world of God’s creation. Since all True Names (the essential element of all magic) are descended from the names awarded by Adam in the Garden of Eden, a creature born of a magisterium divergent from that garden would be bereft of a True Name. This is the tragedy of the Creature, and why he finds himself so sympathetic to Satan in Paradise Lost.

    Likewise, yes, of course you could kill him with fire and gasoline, you can kill a lot of things with fire and gasoline. The danger a monster presents isn’t necessarily concomitant with their relative level of invulnerability, but with the relative difficulty in destroying them.

    Also, man, don’t even come here and try to tell me about the Lovecraft Mythos, what is this? First of all, you’re ignoring the modalist interpretation of the Nyarlathotep / Azathoth entities, which I also mentioned — Nyarlathotep in his aspect as the Black Pharoah is clearly a speaking-piece for Azathoth, but in “The Crawling Chaos”, Nyarlathotep in his aspect as the Crawling Chaos is clearly the ultimate dissolution of order in all things; but they’re all still the same entity, the forward-looking face of the bubbling nuclear chaos at the heart of existence.

    And, finally, my sources are extensive, and not confined to movies. What I have done is taken my own wealth of knowledge concern both fiction and folklore, and assembled the best version of the monsters possible, in order to most accurately understand their hierarchical arrangement.

  99. Tanzanite says:

    Hello! Let me say this list is quite awesome, the logic and the overall amount of research behind every creature and its place on the list is really amazing.

    I wonder about entities like Zalgo and Slenderman. I mean, Zalgo definitely looks like it could be on a high level… but, then again, I originally believed the same about Mr. Hyde (And I must admit that at first I was like “No way Mr. Hyde is such a low rank creature”, however the reasons you state make a lot of sense).

    Also… Is Nosferatu the same as Dracula, or an average vampire, or a below average vampire???

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