Threat Quality Press

The subject of rage in question

The internet is where angry people can yell at other angry people they’ve never met. I don’t really know if this is a good or a bad thing, but let’s go to one of my favorite sources for unreasonable rage, Entertainment Weekly.

The story: Tom Cavanagh, an actor well-liked by the 20 people who watched “Ed,” will star in a new pilot for ABC. I will clarify: a guy from one show from a while back will be in another show if it gets picked up. That is all. That anyone can reach ANY level of emotion stronger than, “Huh, I see,” is already a little beyond me.

But the good commenters at Entertainment Weekly quickly rose to the occasion:

BRIAN: Ugh, how does this clown keep getting work? I don’t know that there is anyone on TV that I found more annoying.
DAVID: I’m looking forward to seeing all three of them on the screen, despite Brian’s lack of taste.
BRIAN: Oh David, you nincompoop. Why am I not at all surprised that you would be tinkling all over yourself over this news?

Just like that! Boom! A man has been cut down to size over his decision to prefer Tom Cavanagh over non-Cavanagh fare. As far as Brian is concerned, enjoying the presence of Tom Cavanagh is tantamount to an inability to control basic bodily functions. Harsh stuff. (And likely this isn’t the first time they’ve clashed in the gladiator arena that is the EW comments board, given their apparent familiarity.)

Interestingly, Brian’s PG language – “nincompoop” and “tinkling” – tells you one of three things: he is a parent (which somehow makes the comment even douchier); he is elderly (which somehow makes the comment more charming and full of moxy); or – most likely – he has already been flagged by the moderators for profanity at least once in his life.

Which is probably the most interesting possibility to me. This man – this “Brian,” if you will – has previously been in an argumentative situation that got so heated that the notoriously lax moderators on EW (and I don’t blame them for being hands-off – it’s a pretty toxic bunch to have to read on any continuing basis) have had to put a stop to his crap.

And the lesson he learned wasn’t, “Perhaps my fellow Entertainment Weekly readers haven’t really earned the levels of venom I’ve been spewing at them over their excitement that Sarah Chalke’s got another Lifetime movie lined up or whatever.”

It was “Next time I tear someone a new asshole for expressing a differing opinion, I’d better not use the words ‘retard’ or ‘piss.’”

And THAT, dear reader, is why we will never advance as a civilization, we will never colonize Mars, and we will never live in the cool, everything’s-an-iPod future we saw in the Star Trek reboot.

This entry was posted on March 9, 2010 at 10:25 am and is filed under crotchety ranting, Jeff Holland, Threat Quality with tags Entertainment Weekly, Jeff Holland, message board commenters, Threat Quality. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.