Attention New TV Shows Featuring Sexy CIA Spies
I’m looking at you, Covert Affairs, and your pretty lead, who looks like a sort of pouty, wide-eyed Mary McCormick. (Oh…that’s what Piper Perabo has been up to.)
Listen, we should talk about this. I’m a white male in my mid (to late) 20s, so I know you really respect my opinion about…well, about everything. So, I’ve got to say this.
I don’t really need to want to have sex with all the actresses in the show in order for me to enjoy it.
I mean, I like attractive people, don’t get me wrong. I like Mary McCormick, I think she’s very pretty. But she’s pretty in an unusual kind of way, you know? Really serious, intense eyes, kind of a square jaw. She’s pretty, sure. But I don’t watch the show because I want to have sex with her. I watch the show because she’s an interesting actress to watch. And you know, there’s something…I’d almost call it more “realistic”…that she doesn’t look like she just walked out of Coyote Ugly. Makes her kind of relatable, you know?
You know who I really like? Kathryn Erbe. She’s the woman that plays Eames on Law and Order: Criminal Intent. She looks basically like a regular person! That’s great! It’s possible for me to enjoy Criminal Intent, even though my principal interest is NOT wanting to have sex with Eames. In the same way that I can enjoy the show even though I also don’t want to have sex with Goren. I watch a lot of TV that feature people I don’t want to have sex with. It’s not that they’re ugly, or there’s anything wrong with them, in any way.
It’s like this, think of it this way: there are a lot of different feelings that one person can have for another. Lust is certainly one of those feelings. But if I can have a bunch of OTHER feelings for a character, it kind of doesn’t matter that I’m not lusting after them.
So, you know. Maybe Covert Affairs is a really good show? But let’s take a moment and be serious. Piper Perabo has long hair because you want me to want to have sex with her. That’s the same reason she’s all giggly in the commercials, and hitting people on the butt, and kicking a guy in the neck (because you think I will automatically want to do any chick that can kick a guy in the neck), and the same reason the only hint of the premise of the show is that guy saying, “Can you keep your personal life separate from your professional life?” We all know what that means — CIA sexy time.
So, thanks for caring so much about my libido. I appreciate your interest in present me with a constant parade of eye-candy. It’s just that, frankly, I don’t care that much.