Superman vs. Batman: Who’s Better At Managing His Finances?
Poor DC Comics. All it wanted to do was host a discussion thread on who was faster, Superman or Flash. Y’know, like the old days of hanging around comics shops and getting into arguments with fat ugly strangers you’re pretty sure you’re better and smarter than.
And that’s…well, okay, it’s to be totally expected, but it’s still a shame, because if you can’t have THAT never-ending discussion on the DC Comics Message Board, well where the hell CAN you? (Other than back at your local comics shop, but there you have to look at people in the eye, and recognizing an essential human brotherhood might weaken your resolve to hope their transsexual mother dies of cancerAIDS.)
What bums me out is that this argument keeps going despite the fact that, like one’s propensity for Almond Joy over Mounds, the answers can be fleeting, contradictory and based on nothing more than personal preference at that moment.
In other words: I like The Flash better than Superman, by and large. And so if I’m reading The Flash – or JLA, or a big crossover – then of course the Flash has to run faster, because that’s what he’s there to do.
On the other hand, if I’m reading a book where Superman is the star, then he is the best at everything, even if you don’t come right out and say it, because in Superman’s stories he is there to be the best at everything.
And thus, we have the dilemma of the shared universe. Lots of comics fans have made their peace with the fact that there will never be a definitive answer to the Who’s Faster question, because there’s no way to empirically measure the magical abilities of nonexistent people.
Unfortunately, the internet is full of people who refuse to accept this, and by god if they have to shout louder and LOUDER to make their point clear, well then by god that’s what they’re gonna do.
The shame of it is, as long as we’re having arguments that can never be solved…why are we sticking to questions as vanilla as who’s stronger/faster/smarter?
Let’s really get into it:
Who’s the better archer: Superman or Green Arrow?
My answer: You’d think, given my above statements, I’d say, “Green Arrow because that’s what he is there to be best at,” but…come on. Now you’re just being contrarian. Just take targeting! Even if Oliver Queen had 20/20 vision on the best day of his life, he is also a man in his 40’s and Superman has SUPER VISION.
On TOP of this, as a veteran city reporter, Clark Kent probably has a better grasp of politics than Mr. “Once I lost my fortune I really got in touch with the little guy” Queen. But if it’s any consolation, there’s one thing he can do better than Superman ever can dream of: wear a snazzy goatee.
Who’s got a better handle on their finances, Superman or Batman?
My Answer: Batman might seem to be an obvious choice, but…have you SEEN Clark Kent’s apartment? That is an apartment in the center of the city, on a reporter’s salary. And it is the size of a fricking airplane hanger. He’s doing something right. I think he’s claiming his glasses as dependents.
Who’s the weirder first date: Hawkman or Aquaman?
See, this one feels like the gift that keeps on giving. Either way, ladies? Avoid provoking an argument too early, and just order the pork loin.
This entry was posted on March 25, 2011 at 9:30 am and is filed under comic books, Jeff Holland, Threat Quality with tags DC Comics message board, Fanboy arguments, Jeff Holland, Superhero arguments, Threat Quality, Who's faster superman or flash. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.