By now, you’ve probably all read, or at least heard about, Ginia Bellafante’s NYT review on Game of Thrones, which points out that this is basically a show for dudes, with some kinky sex action thrown in for the ladies.
Boy was she right! This was definitely a dudely show! The only problem with it was that, due to my inferior, testosterone-addled MAN-BRAIN there was a lot that I just didn’t understand.
I mean yeah, there was a lot of chopping, and stuff. Some dudes got their heads cut off! It was amazing! There were, like…well, I don’t know how many severed heads, because I’m not so good at counting. But there were a bunch of chopped-off heads, all lying around, in, like, the first ten minutes of the show.
Awesome! I thought.
But then they started having all this sex stuff in it. And I mean KINKY stuff. Like, sometimes the dude would be doing the chick from BEHIND, you know? And there were just naked tits and asses everywhere.
This was confusing to me. “NYAARGH,” I thought. “AUURRGHH.” As a male fantasy reader, I have an extremely limited vocabulary, so when I get upset I can really only express myself in inchoate bellows.
“Boobs? What? AAAARRAAAGHOOOO!” Is what I said.
And don’t even get me started on the political intrigue. THere were, like, fifteen characters in that show! AND THEY ALL WANTED DIFFERENT STUFF! Some of them were related, or something? I couldn’t keep it straight. Something about a king, and one of them was the king, or something? I don’t know. It was all too confusing and hard to understand. WHY CAN’T THIS BE MORE LIKE THE HOBBIT, I wanted to say. Only I couldn’t, because of my atrophied capacity for language, the consequence of decades of reading fantasy novels that had not been adapted into a high-profile series on HBO, and were thus be completely beneath the notice of the New York Times.
I was pretty much weeping with frustration about halfway in, when some dude got his guts chopped open. That made me feel a little more like I understood what was happening.
All in all, the chopping parts were pretty good, but the rest of it was too confusing. Dear HBO: please have more magic swords, less moral ambiguity. Could you put a Balrog in? Balrogs are awesome. Also, the kinky sex made me feel weird. Is that supposed to happen? As a fantasy nerd, I am completely unfamiliar with human sexuality.