Archive for October, 2011

It’s no secret, I suppose, at this point in history:  the fairy tales we know from Uncle Walt and his famous animation studio are generally Bawdlerized versions of stories collected and edited by the Brothers Grimm — perhaps history’s two most-aptly named men.  The Disney versions are stories for 20th Century kids, and are replete with happy endings and Princes (Charming or otherwise) and cute talking animals.  The Grimm versions are stories for 19th Century kids, and are thus meant to just scare the crap out of the little buggers so they’ll behave and keep to the road.

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Rather than subject you guys to weeks of drawn-out “Here are the horror movies I watched this year” posts, I thought I’d bang them out all at once.

The Fog – I was really excited for this movie to be about pirate-ghosts, and was hugely let down when it turned out to be about leper-ghosts. I don’t know why. Though I’m sure Braak could break it down for us.
On the upside, I would like Adrienne Barbeau to narrate everything now, please.  (more…)

Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.

Up today is the Stalker, which is a name I’m using for a whole category of nasty suckers that you’d probably recognize on sight:  Michael Meyers, Jason Vorhees, you know them, they’ve been terrorizing sexed-up teenagers for a hundred years.

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I am no economist, as anyone who knows me knows, and I’m barely able to form a cogent sentence on my best days, relying instead on a sort of cobbled-together-grammar made of coffee and old quotes that I read in magazines.  But sometimes I get ideas in my head, and here is a place where I write about the ideas in my head, so I figure I might as well.

Today it’s something I’m calling The Survival Fallacy.

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I don’t dislike Person of Interest. It’s a mildly engaging time-waster, good enough for CBS work, anyway. But it’s not Good TV.

It is, in fact, annoyingly pedestrian TV, despite the fact that the premise is that a complex surveillance machine tells former-hobo-Batman who to hurt or help every week. This should be a lot better than it is.

Here’s what’s wrong with it, and then we’ll talk about how to fix it.

Let’s go ahead and start with Jim Caviezel.

In a perfect world, Caviezel would not even be an actor. He would be a disembodied voice that argues gently with a disembodied Billy Crudup on a device I call “The Greatest White Noise Machine in History.”  (more…)

Ugh.  I don’t even really want to talk about this, because what is there to say?  There was no reason to think that, after the fairly disastrous Suicide Squad #1, that #2 would be an improvement.  But, due to my superior intellect, I am a naturally curious person  and sometimes that curiosity compels me to pick it up.

When last we left our intrepid Suicide Squad, Amanda Waller had thrown them out of a helicopter at a stadium full of cyborg zombies (we didn’t know it was full of those at the time, but now we do know that: cyborg zombies).

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I don’t know if this has come up before (it has) but I love the hell out of Wolverine.  I know, a lot of people love the hell out of Wolverine, and I’m sure there are people who love Wolverine more than I do, I’ll give them that.  But for whatever reason — circumstances related to when I started reading comics, and my own relationship with my father I suspect — Wolverine is near and dear to my heart.

All of which is to say that I am DELIRIOUSLY EXCITED about Jason Aaron and Chris Bachalo’s Wolverine and the X-Men.  In a way that I definitely have not been about any previous announcements of a Wolverine comic/appearance.  (Except maybe Faith Erin Hicks’ great, great comic, for similar reason.)

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