Archive for the Threat Quality Category

The Apple – US Merger

Posted in Threat Quality on March 20, 2012 by braak

So, Apple is sitting on something in excess of 100 billion dollars in cash, and there are somewhere on the order of 207 million eligible voters in the United States.  What happens if Apple creates the Apple Political Party, with the platform of “Apple Should be the Official Business of the United States” — with a bunch of subsidiary planned laws like “Apple shouldn’t have to pay any taxes” and, I don’t know, “Everything that ISN’T Apple should pay MORE taxes”.

And then they run a candidate for every congressional seat in the next election, as well as the presidency, and say, “We will give a thousand dollars to every registered member of the Apple party, but only on the condition that we win ALL of our races.”

I don’t know if it’s legal to do this.  You wouldn’t technically be paying people for VOTES, because you’d pay out to members of the Apple party regardless of how they voted (you’d just be giving everyone who was a member of the party a huge incentive to vote for you).  So, best-case scenario (for Apple), Apple basically seizes control of the US government;  worst-case scenario, they just become a reasonably-large voting block and don’t have to pay any money.

Hell, you wouldn’t even have to run campaign ads.  Just setting up the offer would get you constant nationwide media attention no matter what.  All you’d need for it to work is slightly more than a hundred million Americans who care more about getting a thousand dollars than they do about the essential principles of democratic government.

Marketing Weirdness and Why a ‘Smallville’ Digital Comic Might Be Really Good

Posted in Threat Quality with tags , , , , on March 13, 2012 by braak

My recent purchase of a Nook Tablet (and waiting for the xda developer people to hack the stupid thing so ImageI can access the entire Android Market) has gotten me more excited than ever at the prospect of digital comics.

And my enthusiasm got jacked up a little more with the Marvel’s announcement at South By Southwest (oh yeah, apparently Marvel Comics makes announcements at SXSW now) that they were kicking off a new digital comics initiative, starting with a weekly series by TQP favorites Mark Waid and Stuart (Nextwave) Immonen.

Waid’s been particularly vocal about revamping the idea of “webcomics,” in particular breaking away from the rigid page-and-panels format of a print comic that’s ultimately not necessary (and in many cases, detrimental) to reading comics on a tablet.

But if we’re really being honest here, I’m actually a little more excited for another recent announcement: Smallville Season 11.

Yes, you heard me. Read more »

JOHN CARTER OF MARS YOU PUNK SUCKERS!

Posted in Braak, movies, reviews, Threat Quality with tags , , , on March 2, 2012 by braak

Released in the United States as John Carter, even though he is definitely of Mars. This is a pretty good movie, about a Civil War veteran who, via some kind of magical scientific process, is transported to Mars, where he gains the power of LEAPING, and uses it to fight some giant green Martians, and also Sab Than, the ruler of a city that wanders across the Martian desert preying on smaller, weaker cities.

Read more »

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

Posted in Braak, comic books, reviews, Threat Quality with tags , , on February 21, 2012 by braak

Holland has already said some things, and they are all true, and basically comprehensive, but I wanted to flip out about a couple other things also.  Actually, really I want to just flip out some MORE about the things that he already said.

Read more »

We Have Seen ‘Ghost Rider 2′ and Now You Must Feel Our Hate

Posted in Action Movies, comic books, Jeff Holland, reviews, Threat Quality with tags , , , on February 21, 2012 by braak

Haaaboy. Ghost Rider 2. OK, let’s just get into this, with a series of thoughts on it, since I don’t feel it’s worth a whole review-type post.

To say Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is better than its predecessor (which the movie only barely concedes actually happened – it even rejiggers the scene where Johnny Blaze sells his soul so that it looks…well, so it looks more like if Neveldine/Taylor had done the first film featuring a guy who is not Peter Fonda Satan) isn’t just damning with faint praise. It’s implying that the film doesn’t have a whole host of its own problems, so I guess if GR1 got a 1 out of 5, then GR2 gets a 1.5 out of 5.

That’s because the couple things it does right ARE massive improvements over the first film, but even that’s debatable (in that Braak and I debated over whether or not they were actually better).

Non-arguable point 1: Setting the film on the desolate, barren roads of Somewhere In Eastern Europe is much closer to the spirit of the character than having him drive through Dallas or Houston or wherever the first one was set, and having Ghost Rider deal with city cops, which is just kinda stupid.  Read more »

Ghost Rider’s Satan: Best Dad Ever?

Posted in Action Movies, comic books, Jeff Holland, Threat Quality with tags , , , on February 20, 2012 by braak

In preparation for tonight’s surely 100% positive viewing of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, I decided to sit myself down and watch 2007’s Ghost Rider, just to make sure there weren’t any nuances of the narrative that I’d failed to notice last time.

I ALSO decided to skip past the prologue, wherein a young man learns his agent thinks he looks like a young Nicolas Cage enjoys a carefree life in the carnival, and also fast-forward past any moments that aren’t necessary to the plot – which meant pretty much every scene involving Eva Mendez and Donal Logue.

This meant I watched a 45-minute cut of Ghost Rider the other night. And…it still wasn’t all that good.  Read more »

Gullibility, abortionplexes and the skinwich

Posted in crotchety ranting, Jeff Holland, Politics, Threat Quality with tags , , , , on February 17, 2012 by braak

The recent news that a Louisiana congressman posted the Onion “Abortionplex” story to his Facebook page, believing it to be an actual thing that Planned Parenthood is up to, rankled me a little.

I mean, it’s one thing for your great aunt to forward a story outraged over the wasteful spending of Obama’s pledge to give everyone a parrot, but when this is the level of critical thinking employed by an elected member of government, that’s quite another thing.

Please note: Louisiana currently ranks 47th in education. So it does stand to reason that even their elected officials are coming from a background of some of the worst education in the country.  Read more »

‘Before Watchmen’ – Holland’s Take

Posted in comic books, Jeff Holland, Threat Quality with tags , , , on February 8, 2012 by braak

I had written a three-pager about the announcement that DC was moving ahead with prequels to Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ classic work, but honestly, there’s no sense bloviating about it.

Not about Alan Moore’s relative moral high ground when so much of his work is predicated on previously-existing characters himself, whether DC’s within its rights, as owner of the copyright, to publish what they damn please since they are in the business of making money, what Jack Kirby has to do with any of this, the ins-and-outs of creator-ownership contracts, or…any of it, really.

All this boils down to is: Don’t buy it. See? See how simple it all is?  Read more »

This Week in Product Placement

Posted in Threat Quality with tags , , , , on February 7, 2012 by braak

ImageSometimes I wonder if TV’s just getting a little better at not cramming product placement quite so obviously as it felt like last year.

Though that might just be because now that 24’s not extolling the astonishing severed-thumb-print-scanning functions of the average Sprint phone, I’m just not getting as much of it in a given week.

So it’s a good thing I still watch Fringe.

Last year, if you’ll recall, it was the Clutch-Cargo-esque drama-tisement for the Sprint Qik, a hilariously awkward videophone feature that seems to have been completely ignored by smartphone owners.

This year…oh boy. It was at once far more subtle, and somehow even more ludicrous. On the SURFACE, at least.  Read more »

What the Cyber-Terrorists Want

Posted in Jeff Holland, Threat Quality with tags , , , on January 20, 2012 by braak

Dear The Department of Justice,

I know you’re probably a little scared, learning these Anonymous guys figured out your password was actually just “123456”. And if this whole SOPA business has shown us anything, it’s that you guys are pretty baffled by the internet in general.

And also you don’t realize that when you say you’re not a “nerd,” what you mean is “I don’t know where the IT department is located.”

So I imagine now that you’re on the brink of deciding that Anonymous is a group of cyber-terrorists (which is totally what you’re going to call them, because admittedly that does sound cooler than “internet-surrectionists”). And you’re wondering just what it is they want.

I would suggest you start by watching the 1995 Modern Classic, Hackers. You will find the answer there.  Read more »

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