HERE IS THE RULE:
You cannot justify the existence of a thing in a story by arguing that it is a necessary consequence of other elements in that same story.
Why not?
NEW RULE, NERDS:
Posted in Braak, crotchety ranting, poetics with tags Batman, Braak, criticism, Movies, rules, the Avengers on May 9, 2012 by braakSo You Want to Read an Avengers Comic
Posted in Threat Quality with tags Avengers, Jeff Holland, Threat Quality on May 7, 2012 by braakI generally enjoy doing a little comics primer for whatever character‘s currently popping up on the screen, and I really wanted to do one for Avengers, but there’s one problem:
An image that erroneously makes it seem like The Kree-Skrull War would be awesome.
By and large, Avengers isn’t really very good. Even the Good Avengers comics aren’t very good.
There are a few “classic” stories that are referenced on everyone’s short list of Best Avengers Comics, but boy did they leave me cold. In fact, the bolder the title, the iffier they seem to be.
In something called the “Kree-Skrull War,” for instance, you might expect to see some awesome alien battles, and you would be wrong.
Mostly, you see the Avengers commuting from one planet to another to pick up some wayward teammates. And then perennial sidekick Rick Jones ends the (mostly off-panel) war with mental powers he was granted for no good reason to wrap the story up. Read more »
Dramaturgery: The Avengers
Posted in Braak, comic books, reviews, Threat Quality with tags Avengers, Braak, dramaturgy, the Avengers on May 5, 2012 by braakIn my last post, I suggested that I had a number of questions and problems with The Avengers, despite generally having a pretty good time while watching it. I don’t know if other people, ordinary humans with their inferior movie-watching abilities, are capable of both simultaneously enjoying something and engaging with it critically, but I am.
ANYWAY, when I declared that it was possible to make basically the same movie but also fix all of the problems that I had, Moff (author of Moff’s Law) admitted that he almost believed me.
Almost. Believed. ALMOST.
Chris versus the Movies: The Avengers
Posted in Braak, comic books, reviews with tags Avengers, Braak, movie reviews, Movies, the Avengers on May 4, 2012 by braak
Look, I’m not trying to give anybody a hard time here. The Avengers was a fun movie, and I was committed to liking it. Hulk smashed, Thor knocked some stuff around with his hammer, Captain America threw his shield at guys. You know, the stuff that happens in The Avengers. Every moment of the movie was an exciting and dramatic moment — people were falling out of things or into pits or whatever, getting zapped by stuff, things were going wrong. There were a lot of jokes, which were great. All in all, A+ time, would watch again.
But.
Avengers Ramp-up! ‘Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD’ is Also Hilariously Awful
Posted in Action Movies, comic books, Jeff Holland, reviews, Threat Quality with tags Avengers, David Goyer, Jeff Holland, Nick Fury, Threat Quality on May 2, 2012 by braakTo get psyched (well, more psyched) for this weekend’s Avengers, I’ve been spending a little time catching up with the previous films. Y’know, Iron Man 2, Incredible Hulk, Nick Fury…
Oh, have you not watched Nick Fury? Because son, you are in for a treat.
Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD is what happens when a not-all-that-bad-actually script by David Goyer meets the two things that can utterly destroy it: Soap opera actors and a mid-90’s TV-movie budget of I’m assuming about five hundred bucks.
I imagine Goyer’s initial enthusiasm upon hearing his script had gotten picked up (“Oh man, first Blade and now Nick Fury? Things are finally looking up for ol’ Lucky Dave! What’s next, BATMAN?!”) was crushed pretty completely fairly early on, but I’m not sure which piece of information would’ve really done it:
“Well Dave, it’s gonna be on Fox. And even though this format hasn’t worked for Doctor Who or Generation X, they seem to want to keep on trying.”
Or
“And we’ve got David Hasselhoff attached. He’s got some interesting ideas on how to play Fury. Something about ‘crazy, sweaty, a bit drunk, and walking around in this weird bowlegged crouch like he’s got a load in his pants.’” Read more »
The ‘Wonder Woman’ pilot is hilariously awful (Part 2)
Posted in comic books, Jeff Holland, reviews, Threat Quality with tags Adrianne Palicki, David E. Kelley, Jeff Holland, Threat Quality, Wonder Woman pilot on April 26, 2012 by braakPreviously, on Wonder Woman: Wonder Woman stole a dude’s blood, scorned due process, got weepy watching The Notebook, publicly accused someone without any evidence to back up her claim, read her board the riot act after Wonder Woman dolls came back with boobs that were too big, and then I’m pretty sure Elizabeth 
Hurley made a fellatio pun. ONWARD!
Here we come to part two of “Wonder Woman’s Vigilante Reign of Terror,” where, after stopping in to check on the ill black teen, she pops over to another hall of the hospital, where the Perp From Act I is being kept under guard.
First, she threat-flirts with the tiny police officer. “Do you like my outfit, officer? This outfit opens doors for me.” I don’t even know what her goal is there.
Then she’s grudgingly let in to see the guy by a hilariously bedraggled (oh, how loosened in frustration his neck-tie is!) detective, who literally tells the little cop to “Beat it!” and gives Wonder Woman her “just ten minutes” with the bed-ridden, arrested Perp.
This is where shit goes from a 50/50 hilarious/awkward ratio to full-on 100% Are-You-Kidding-Me. Read more »
