The ‘Wonder Woman’ pilot is hilariously awful (Part 1)

Posted in comic books, Jeff Holland, reviews, Threat Quality with tags , , , on April 25, 2012 by braak

I was having a bad day. So oh man. It’s a good thing tonight was the night I decided to track down that Wonder Woman pilot that NBC passed on.

Tracked down…oh, I’ve grown wistful of the days you’d actually have to dig around comic-cons for a bootleg VHS of that awful Justice League pilot, or hope to catch a screening of Roger Corman’s  low-budget Fantastic Four movie. Now, failure is so easily accessible.

The geek-kids today have it too easy, is what I’m saying.

Anyway, yes, there is no greater pick-me-up than the Wonder Woman pilot, which almost plays as a parody of superhero TV shows in how Totally Wrong-Headed it all is. And while there are many, many problems, and oh, I will get to them, but the biggest one is this:

David E. Kelley seems to think Wonder Woman is Batman, if Batman was an attractive young woman in a shiny halter-top.  Read more »

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Braak’s Guide to Humanizing Your Characters

Posted in books, Braak, Threat Quality with tags , , on April 19, 2012 by braak

So, now you are a writer, great! You have probably made a lot of characters in your writing, and gone to classes, and done workshops, and read a bunch of books, you probably know about ten times more on this subject than I do. And yet here you are, reading what I, BRAAK!, have to say about writing, as though I know what the fuck I’m talking about.

Well, since you’re here, let’s talk about how to humanize a character, and let’s be real about it, you know? Just. Real.

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Chris Versus the Movies: Cabin in the Woods

Posted in Braak, crotchety ranting, Horror, movies with tags , , , , on April 14, 2012 by braak

QUICK! I am writing down all of my thoughts about this before I have time to organize them. Spoilers follow the jump, DON’T READ THEM unless you have seen the movie. It is a pretty good movie, and it is worth seeing, and don’t find out anymore about it than that.
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Epic Fantasy, Urban Fantasy, and the Problem of Steampunk

Posted in Braak, crotchety ranting, crushing genius with tags , , , , on April 9, 2012 by braak

I’ve been puzzling around this for a while, but have you ever noticed how many Epic Fantasies are quest narratives? I mean, a lot of it is couched in war, that’s a pretty common feature of epic fantasies. But for the most part – I think maybe nine times out of ten – the Epic Fantasy is defined by the fact that the central engine of the story is a small group of people Going Somewhere to Do Something. All those stories that followed Tolkien’s mold, you know, they’re about people taking a long trip in a strange land.
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Why ‘Alcatraz’ Deserves a Second Season

Posted in Jeff Holland, reviews, Threat Quality with tags , , , , , on March 30, 2012 by braak

I’ve had the good luck lately to be on the winning team, pop-culture-wise. I don’t have to worry about other people liking The Hunger Games, and ABC seems to have found a genuine hit in Revenge, so I don’t have to be an advocate there, either.

Which means I might’ve gotten a bit lazy, since I figured the mix of J.J. Abrams’ name, the post-House time slot and the 50/50 combo of cop-procedural/time-travel mythology would’ve been enough to get people to stay with Alcatraz, without me constantly banging a drum in a vain attempt to get people to tune in again.

Of course, I figured wrong. And so Alcatraz wraps up its first and potentially only season, with a ton of unanswered questions, because people aren’t generally trained on how to watch television these days. Which is to say, the rule is: “You gotta power through the first six episodes, because they’re probably not gonna be all that good, but there’s potential, which usually only gets reached in season 2, so please be patient.”

(With the caveat: “…If you liked the pilot at all.” Which is my way of saying, “You don’t have to support every damn thing just because you hope it’ll get better than crap.” Which is really just my way of saying, “Grimm is stupid.”)  Read more »

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Things the Cameraman of the Hunger Games Might Have Been Thinking

Posted in Braak, crotchety ranting, movies with tags , on March 29, 2012 by braak

“I just think the lower back is the most revealing part of any character.”

“Fuck the fight director, no one wants to see what that fight looks like.”

“God damn, Elizabeth Banks has got a hot god damn earlobe.  Look at that earlobe!”

“We’re gonna shoot the other side of this guy’s head eventually, right?”

“Where’s…did I finish all the bourbon?”

“We can focus this in post, right?”

“There’s no way they’re going to use this take.”

“Fuck the costume designer, no one wants to see their clothes.”

“Whoooop!  Haha, almost dropped it!”

“Hey, I think if I zoom out, I can get everyone’s head in frame…aaah, fuck it.”

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John Carter, Sad Hero of Mars

Posted in Action Movies, Braak, crotchety ranting, reviews with tags , , , , , on March 23, 2012 by braak

Well, word is that John Carter (of Mars) isn’t going to do so well – certainly not enough to make back its budget, or merit any sequels. This is kind of a shame, because I think it was pretty much a lot of fun, but at least now I can talk about what I think was a kind of a glaring problem with the story that I’d have felt guilty talking about before.
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