Posts Tagged ‘crotchety ranting’

Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.

Today I’m going to talk about two things, for reasons that I hope will be eventually made clear:  1) Unclean Spirits, and 2) Malphas, a Mighty Prince of Hell (&. al).

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Yes.

Let me explain!  I get a magazine called Entertainment Weekly.  I’m not altogether sure why–I believe it had something to do with also getting pizza coupons, and there’s not a lot I won’t do if it means pizza coupons.  So, Entertainment Weekly started showing up at my house, and it’s hard for me to be around text without reading it.

This is why I read Entertainment Weekly.

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Sea Kitties

Posted: January 9, 2009 in Braak
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Whoah, the news!  Here is a post from Jezebel about how PETA has begun a campaign to rebrand “fish” as “sea kittens,” so that they will miraculously become too cute for anyone to eat.

They’ve got a whole campaign and everything!

I know what you’re thinking.  It’s this:  “Hey, you know, that’s not a bad idea.  People don’t think of fish as being cuddly.  Maybe if they do, people won’t eat them!”

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On Manliness(!)

Posted: December 31, 2008 in Braak
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columnistspragerThere’s a fellow named Dennis Prager, who’s written a couple columns at that festering sewer and embarrassment to erudition known as Town Hall.  I’m not going to link to the articles [UPDATE: yes, I will], but I will link to a couple of devastating deconstructions of them here and here, at Jezebel.  Dennis Prager is a symptom of a problem that I would like to address, because it really pisses me off.

What is the modern man?

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Today, In Idiots (TQP0130)

Posted: December 9, 2008 in Braak
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christian-persecution2I get this thing on the internets for OneNewsNow.  I’m not sure why; I think I probably signed up for it when I signed up for the American Family Association newsletter.  The guys behind both of these organizations are conservative, evangelical idiots; I signed up for their newsletter anyway, because I like to know what they’re up to (mostly:  hating gays, fighting the War on Christmas).

Anyway, I don’t really know what the hell OneNewsNow is, precisely, but I discovered that it prominently features my good friend David Limbaugh.  They sent me an article today about moral relativism, and I thought it was interesting and would like to talk about it.

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Of all the young people I work with, I am one of the oldest.

This is troubling from an employment perspective. Workplace concepts gen-yof Generation X and Generation Y differ depending on what you read. I’m currently showing the ropes to a new hire who’s squarely “Gen-Y” – he’s just out of college – so I’ve been reading a few articles on Gen-Y in the workplace, and their newfangled expectations of what a modern workplace should be like.

(According to the articles, these crazy Gen-Y-ers like having clear ideas of what their duties are, and what kind of deadlines they’ll be facing. They also like encouragement and praise. Kids today, I tell you.)

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Man, I hate Carlos Mencia.

He was on the radio this morning; the regular radio guys I listen to were doing one of those things where they have a professionally “funny” person on for an above-average length of time, just hanging out, shooting the shit, &c.  The last time they did this, it was with Margaret Cho, and I enjoyed that.  This time it was Carlos Mencia, or, as I like to refer to him, Fat Ned.

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On Mustard (TQP0116)

Posted: November 14, 2008 in Braak
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Dear Subway:

What’s the deal?  Why do you keep wanting to put mustard on top of the vegetables when you make my sandwich?  I know you guys have been at this for a while.  The guys that work at my Subway even have special shirts indicating that they want to the University of Subway.

So, while you were getting your PhD’s in Sandwich, didn’t anyone point out to you that when you put the condiments on top of all the vegetables, then they fall out with all the little bits of shredded lettuce you’ve got in there?  Or else squirt all over your face when you try and bite the sandwich?  You have to protect the mustard, man.  Keep it safe and secret in the heart of the subway.

While we’re at it, please stop looking at me like I’m crazy when I ask for extra spinach.  I’m not the one that thinks that five precisely-laid out leaves constitutes a sufficient sandwich topping.

Sincerely,

Braak

ghost_rider_mark_steven_johnsonThis is Mark Steven Johnson.  You might be aware of him, because he wrote and directed a movie called Daredevil, that hardly anybody liked, because it was dumb.

Mark Steven Johnson, with his stupid hat and his scuzzy little goatee, is the evidence that I’m going to use to support Jerry Holkins’ theory that we, the human race, are slowly being digested by an amoral universe.

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Ah, hell. No short fiction this week. Last night was the VP debate (full disclosure, it’s 11 PM as I write this), and horrible, horrible truth isn’t just stranger than fiction – it’s easily more interesting.

I waxed philosophical last week about having some respect for the sheer, crazy-assed gumption it takes to want to run for presidency, but I’ve got none of that tonight. I really hate hyperbolic reactions to politics - I think they bring down the level of discussion. GENERALLY. But tonight they’re useful, because they give me the room to say this: the mere fact that Sarah Palin was even up there was a mockery of what is already a fairly mockable democratic process.

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