These People Are Real

Posted: September 17, 2009 in Jeff Holland, Politics, Threat Quality
Tags: , ,

Brace yourselves, everyone: Some student group was able to make a hilariously disturbing youtube video out of the virulent ignorance of the 9-12 teabagging (seriously, has nobody explained the connotation of that word to them yet?) protester-dolts.

Now, the whole thing isn’t exactly surprising – we’ve all been living with the Daily Show for long enough. But subjecting yourself to a full 10 minutes of it is certainly fatiguing. Thinking people simply aren’t built to listen to such a heady mix of rage and stupidity for sustained periods.

So, having sat through the whole thing – for YOU, dear readers – I’ve noted ten clear moments where you’ll have to stop the video, take a deeeeep, cleansing breath, and massage your temples before heading once more into the breach:

00:30 – The obnoxious anti-abortion hippy rattles off statistics about the number of black women who get abortions, as though they mean anything after shouting that 9/11 was a warning to repent.
00:59 – The woman shrieking to get all the commies out of Hollywood, “because McCarthy and John Wayne were right” (even though McCarthy was actually just a great example of how to scare stupid people with made-up facts and histrionics, and if she had PAID ANY ATTENTION IN HIGH SCHOOL SHE MIGHT KNOW THAT).
1:38 – The dazed blonde kid holding a hastily-scrawled “Pelosi = Jezebel” sign (huh?) who, when asked why he’s here, answers, “Well…uhh…tax.”
2:08 – The dude lugging around a giant cross (with a helpful wheel at the base! Man, I’ll bet Jesus wishes he’d thought of that!) who claims he just came here to see the capital and had no idea there was a protest going on. Like, what are the odds, man?
4:23 – The man sporting the “Joe Wilson for President” sign who, after being told that Wilson himself had signed legislation that would provide some level of health care for illegal immigrants, stammers, “I-I am not supporting Joe Wilson for president.”
5:52 – The woman who insists that she keeps hearing about Obama’s citizen army, not understanding that it was a metaphorical “army of volunteers.”
6:09 – “Well, fascism is a form of socialism, I would believe…” (Keep that phrase in mind: “I would believe.” Not even “I do believe.” As in, “I imagine that if I had looked up a definition even once in my life, this is a belief I WOULD hold. But there’s no way to know for sure because THAT’S NOT SOMETHING I’M GOING TO DO.”)
6:53 – More definition-confusion among a group over whether they’re protesting Obama as a czar, or his “appointment” of a czar, before finally admitting ignorance over exactly what one is and who first appointed one (Reagan) and for what purpose. (Though they are somehow keen to the etymology of the word.)
8:02 – When the young reporter explains that the czars are simply advisors and have no actual authority (and most likely will not be awarded property, apparently a big concern), one of his interviewees, stone-faced, asks, “And you know this how…?”
(And yes, good for this young interviewer for not offering the obvious comebacks: “I FUCKING READ,” or, at least, “How do you not?!” Yes, the clip cuts off before he responds, but his continued non-lynching would imply he somehow managed to politely extricate himself.)
8:41 – “Glen Beck is such a logical thinker.”

You let that last bit roll around in your mouth a little. Try saying it out loud, and see if your gag reflect doesn’t kick in. It’s quite something.

  1. Moff says:

    Everyone I spoke to at the live Glenn Beck simulcast I attended was keen on that one point: that he was a logical thinker just trying to promote common sense. And I will totally admit that he does a very good job of sounding like a logical thinker. He lulls you into this comforting rhythm and peppers his stuff with just enough reasonableness that your suspicions are never alerted.

    It’s a magnificent, despicable triumph of medium over message. I hope to God the guy doesn’t sleep well at night.

  2. braak says:

    It’s weird, I’ve never actually felt like there was a group of people that I was personally, specifically excluded from the way the Glenn Beck guys do. Like, as an atheist, I’m just not invited to the party.

    This is really troubling to me, because of how much these guys are talking about, “My country, I’m taking my country back,” and at the same time, they say I don’t get to be a part of it.

    So, you know, what about my country?

    I’m also troubled by Glennie’s 9 principles you can believe in, because it seems to me that “If you break the law, you go to jail. Justice is blind and no one is above it” yields a conflicting message with “The family is sacred. I and my spouse are the ultimate authority” and “The government works for me. I do not answer to them, they answer to me.”

    What happens if, as the ultimate authority on your family, you demand that your children do something illegal? How do you reconcile not answering to the government with the fact that the government is the body that administers justice?

    It’s a careful elision–we talk about “justice” as though it’s a disembodied principle, an abstract that is in no way related to the specific reality of “the government,” which is evil, and its taxes (also evil).

    Though I should point out, again, that if you want to live by the Constitution, you need to bear in mind that the Constitution gives Congress the power to tax the shit out of everything in order to provide for “the general welfare.” I should also point out that federal taxes have only gone DOWN since 1950, except for the two times they were raised to cover massive budget shortfalls: first under Ronald Reagan, then again under George H. W. Bush.

    And I want to point out again that Barack Obama still hasn’t even done anything yet, except rescind a few executive orders and okay Congress’s budget. I also haven’t noticed America being especially destroyed yet–maybe it’s worse in rural Pennsylvania?

  3. katastic says:

    “And I want to point out again that Barack Obama still hasn’t even done anything yet, except rescind a few executive orders and okay Congress’s budget.”
    That’s exactly the argument I made to a couple of Facebook friend-of-friend Republicans the other day. All this panic is, in my opinion- largely racially motivated. Obama’s different, he is Other- which makes it easy for these people to panic about him. Do you think if he were a white guy with the exact same policies, there would be anywhere near this level of hysteria? There would be fringe lunacy, of course, but with nothing like this level of vitriol. When these people say “my country” they mean “my (WHITE) country.”

  4. katastic says:

    Excuse me, “my (WHITE CHRISTIAN STRAIGHT) country”.

  5. Jeff Holland says:

    “My (white christian straight foreigner-hatin’ college-education-fearin’ and just what the FUCK is this ‘irony’ bullshit you boys been talkin’ about?) country.”

  6. Tad says:

    Let’s see John Mellencamp cram that into a Chevy truck jingle! And then they can play it every 10 minutes during every football game for the rest of the year, it will be FAN-tastic!

  7. Kaki says:

    Two thoughts on these delusional racists. 1 – Let them try this crap in front of 9/11 first responders. 2 – Most of them need to be in a locked ward at Bellevue. They haz a crazy.

  8. Maybe 75,000 people protested on the Mall. MAYBE. Few enough that the instigators have to baldly lie and give figures larger than those for Barack Obama’s inauguration. And look at their faces — they do not represent the citizens of this nation in any broad economic or ethnographic sense. Their numbers are tiny, amplified through the bullhorn of Beck and the lockstep media (which the ‘baggers will attack as liberal-leftist-communist no matter how hard they chase the Fox demographic). So let me steal a phrase from Beck himself, but instead use it to tell the truth: WE surround THEM.

  9. V.I.P. Referee says:

    Okay. I got all the laughie gremlins out. Must focus on…humans…why do humans do some of the “programmed to self-destruct” shi–stuff, they do? Okay. Here goes: These people do not understand symbols. Symbolism. “Symbolic Interactionism” or “marketing concepts”. Characters. I meant those things that come together to form words and language, not necessarily the kind of characters these dears surround themselves with on a daily basis.

    Like in any elitist community, “teabaggers”—and the seeds that inspired them—have cooperated in building a communal wall, brick by brick, around themselves, defining “communication” as something that happens only when one side holds most of the power in a relationship; they decide which messengers to let into their fortress and block-out all the rest. Of course they’re not prepared for surprise attacks; they’d long since turned their backs on what they didn’t understand, allowing those who are willing to be more alert and aware (because they never believed feasting from the “tree of knowledge” was an act of evil) to gain a strategic advantage over them. But if you’re afraid of wolves, shouldn’t you know what an actual “wolf” is–if the word in mind matches that thing you’re afraid of? What if what you think you’re afraid of is harmless, but something called “chipmuck” will totally destroy you and wear your skin as a hat? These people have fears they can’t name; but instead of understanding what such fears mean, they, instead, pull from anything that confuses them or makes them feel vulnerable and throw it all into the same “scary stuff–don’t touch, burn, BAD!” pot. It’s a very child-like (well, “childlike”, excluding kids that have suffered through war, tragedy, great adversity at a young age) kind of perspective. They’d probably consider that line a compliment.

    Kiki hit the mark (like one of those John Wayne-like gunslingers!): “Let them try this crap in front of 9/11 first responders.” Exactly; why insult the individuals you support, while passionately believing you’re protesting in their interest? Why? What?

  10. V.I.P. Referee says:

    Not just “characters”, even “letters”, too ;)!

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