The Washington Post recently announced a contest to find America’s next great pundit.
It is, technically, a contest to find someone to write a weekly opinion column, but because I am A MAVERICK!, I made a video. Enjoy it, you pissy motherfuckers.
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This no-talent hack really speaks to me, the average American, and my salt-of-the-earth sensibilities.
You’re not an average American! You’ve got a liberal arts degree and drink craft beer! You’re an ELITIST! Stop telling me how to live, Holland!
I really wish you’d been in boxers when you did the suit reveal. With ponies on them. And a wideshot showing sock-stirrups. Ah well. A man can dream.
I didn’t want to listen, and yet your clear, resonant voice compelled me. Homo.
Everything you’ve been saying on here, all the facts and truth…it’s all just been…bullshit?! Piles of debutante-gown-attired, cow-pie? I TRUSTED YOU.
Wait—Holland drinks craft beer? I had no idea he was a Communist!
It just might work. Seriously. They do need to liven up their brand. And D.C. is becoming a “young” area in the way Boston is usually described; packed with students, interns, trainees from abroad. I know that about five years ago, The Washington Post hired a large fleet of recent college grads as “beat” reporters, in hopes of drawing-in a new generation of readers. I don’t know if they’ve since kept them on–if they could still afford to–but the paper would benefit from some needed spunk. Not an overzealous application, in the vein of The New York Post, but the infusion of a more current touch.
@Carl: I am wearing boxers in the suit reveal. I stole a pair of my brother’s (clean) boxers specifically because I knew that being in boxers for the suit reveal would be the most hilarious choice.
Unfortunately, it didn’t show up on the video very well.
And I had no one to pan the camera back to help me with a black-socks-and-garters gag, which, obviously, would have been hilarious.
@VIP: Obviously, I can’t have been lying if THERE ARE NO CORRECT ANSWERS. Which there are not. It’s just about your perspective.
@Moff: You’re a homo.
The best jokes are the type that set the listener up without them realizing they’re being set up.
I spent almost the entire video thinking, “Okay, cute, but is there a point?” Then I hit the ending: when I was able to stop laughing, I realized I’d been impaled on the point.
Well played, Braak. Well played.
@ Braak: Blast and be damned, I thought they were khaki pants. Well, the next time you find yourself in need camera-panning assistance for use in video submissions to pundintry contests, you’ll know where to turn.