The Two-Minute Nic Cage Showcase

Posted: December 1, 2009 in Jeff Holland, Threat Quality
Tags: , ,

Dreaded deadline doom. No time. Must feed the beast that pays, etc.

However, I will leave you with this to ponder: As we move into a more digital age, the old media has to adapt. Concept albums are ditched in favor of iTunes singles, essays must be tailored to blog-post length, and digital short films are becoming more prevalent.

Would it be so bad, to simply reduce all movies to two-minute trailers that exist on their own, with no further explanation needed? Of course, when I think of this, I think of Nicolas Cage.

The famously histrionic overactor actually had one of his major flops vindicated when someone cut down the abominable The Wicker Man to a bafflingly entertaining two minutes. It was enough that when the trailer to Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call, New Orleans came out, the same hypnotically manic performance from Cage seemed to have found its exact threshold limit – two minutes is the perfect length of time to experience Nic Cage Scene Chewery.

So watch this, and tell me the truth – is it possible that in the future, when all movies are pared down to about two minutes, this will be Nicolas Cage’s trippy art film? (View after the break)

  1. braak says:

    Nicholas Cage:

    LIKES: Punching chicks, pachinko.

    DISLIKES: Birthday parties, bees.

  2. Moff says:

    When The Phantom Menace opened, at the premiere midnight showing in my college town, they played about a half hour of trailers beforehand, and it was really then that I realized how much I like watching them. I don’t go to a whole lot of movies — maybe three or four a year — but when I do go, I will be damned if we don’t get there in time for the trailers. Two minutes is long enough to sum up almost any story, in some fashion, and rarely long enough for it to get boring. Plus, there’s that whole great element of surprise where, like, you’ve kind of forgotten there was a new Star Trek coming out and then BOOM! — new trailer.

    Similarly, I remember seeing Madonna’s video for “Die Another Day” late one night in 2002 when I was high and thinking how much more I enjoyed watching it than the movie.

  3. Erin says:

    I kind of pity Cage. I’m convinced he’s one of those actors who was never supposed to be a major star. Imagine if he was a character actor, always playing small, geeky roles. We’d all love him, because he’s this bizarre personality who loves comics and is, in small doses, kind of fun. Like Ben Affleck, he just wasn’t meant to be a serious actor or hold a movie together.

  4. Erin says:

    Also, I submit that it is impossible to sum up Adaptation in two minutes. In fact, they were unable to sum it up in two hours.

    Odd movie, that.

  5. Sam says:

    Well, part of the problem is that Cage is so bad with money and so crazy in debt that he will take almost any role. That pretty explicitly defined his 2000s career arc.

  6. V.I.P. Referee says:

    I don’t know—this video has actually made me like Nicholas Cage more. Here, I’d always thought he took himself too seriously, when apparently, he knows better.

    Also, I think that last part was sort of like President Bush’s perspective on global warming and environmental destruction: Wait for the aliens. They’ll come in their shiny, silver suits and save us with a tech-happy hoedown.

  7. Jeff Holland says:

    @Erin: I’ve long been convinced that Nicolas Cage is an actor who should’ve had a very Willem Dafoe kind of career, but really, REALLY wanted to be a leading man, hairline and buggy eyes be damned.

    As for his financial issues – wouldn’t you just kill to have money problems that can be solved with, “Aww…Guess I’m gonna have to sell that island of mine”?

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