Dear John McCain and Ted Coburn

Posted: December 14, 2009 in Braak, crotchety ranting
Tags: , ,

I was all set to try and forgive you for your short-sighted estimates of what parts of the stimulus package constituted “waste,” blaming a poor paradigm for understanding how economics works.  Then I saw items #22 and #26–Shakespearean Festivals and Pig Iron Theater.

You amazing shitheads.

Let’s just forget, for a moment, that Philadelphia’s study on arts funding in 2006 showed that every dollar invested in the arts resulted in a dollar seventy-five in increased tax revenues–let’s forget about that.  Toss it right out the window.  The basic premise of what you’re saying is flat-out, ZERO PERCENT correct.  When the government gives money to the arts, it gets money back, period.  So you guys both ought to shut your hideous, withered old faces up.

But there’s more to it than that, and it doesn’t surprise me at all, John McCain, that you of all people are the one behind it.  It doesn’t surprise me, John, because you’re the man that left the wife who had been faithful to him for years while you were a prisoner of war, and then married a millionaire beer-heiress.  Of course you fucking did.  What does fidelity matter, John?  It’s not like it BUYS you anything.  It’s not like it’s MONEY, good Christ, made by peddling a cheap panacea to some common denominator.

You’re both fucking appalling sons of bitches, did you know that?  You’ll happily send us to war, you’ll happily have us spend a billion dollars a day killing strangers, you’ll happily see the nation dive deep into an irrecoverable debt to conquer and rebuild a foreign nation.  But if we spend a tiny fraction of that money, a quarter of a thousandth of a percent of the sum it takes us to go to war on IMPROVING THE LIVES OF OUR OWN CITIZENS, that’s fucking WASTE.  That’s bullshit, embarrassing bullshit that should be derided.  Think of all the humvees we could have bought with that two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, instead!  One or two!

You can smile and sing about invading other nations and killing their people, John McCain, and giving them the wonderful glory that is the American Way of Life, but the second it comes to spending a fucking PENNY on that way of life, you’re suddenly a skinflint.  What is the Way of Life that we’re giving Iraq, John McCain?  What exactly are we exporting over there?  What do they get for being a capitalist democracy now?  Styrofoam cheeseburgers?  Eating disorders?  Reality TV shows and memoirs by Paris Hilton and movies by Michael Bay?  Oh, but these things must be worthwhile, right?  These things must matter — LOOK HOW MUCH MONEY THEY MAKE.  You can make a billion dollars selling poisonous hamburger patties made from cow anus and seaweed; who WOULDN’T want that rammed down their throat with the barrel of a gun?

I know you’ve been trying to build a legacy for yourself, a career you can look back and be proud of, and it’s too bad Johnny, because posterity doesn’t remember failed presidential candidates.  It remembers art.  And if you think I’m saying that arts and culture are vital to civilization, then you’re still missing the point — art is what civilization IS.  Art is the POINT, asshole.  How dare you tell me that we can piss away as much money as we like dropping on strangers bombs from unmanned assault drones, but if an American wants to give just a little beauty to the county, if an American wants to contribute in even a tiny way to the artistic and intellectual life that defines his culture, that American should get poverty instead of accolades, bankruptcy instead of healthcare, and should be called profligate, a waste, a parasite.  All for doing the one thing we created civilization to provide us.

Fuck you guys.


  1. Moff says:

    Yeah, I’m really starting to rethink having voted for the guy.

  2. braak says:

    Man, I didn’t even LIKE Welcome to Yuba City and I’m pissed off about this.

  3. Jeff Holland says:

    Now now, let’s not go trashing cow anuses and seaweed.

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