Before This Year Is Through…

Posted: December 31, 2009 in Threat Quality

Before we close out the year, a couple of unassorted throughts:

1) Way to go, SIR Patrick Stewart. Though, in our hearts, you already were a knight. Siiiiiiigh.

In your honor, this clip:

(Unfortunately, “Look at me! I’ve got girl-boobs!” was too hard to find.)

2) If you were looking at Jennifer’s Body and hoping it would either be a) better than the reviews were hoping for, or at least b) enjoyably bad, you’re kinda boned. What you DO get, is 90 minutes wherein you CANNOT ESCAPE FROM MEGAN FOX. Which, as we all learned during the toxic summer of unavoidable magazine covers and borderline nonsensical interviews, is at least 89 minutes too much. You have been warned.

2A) (On the other hand, I’m growing convinced that there’s no movie that can’t be made at least marginally better with the presence of Adam Brody. Even though he’s playing a wanna-be emo rocker – in one of about a thousand touches that instantly dates this movie – there’s something about the way he sells the line, “Do you know how hard it is to make it as an indie band these days? There are so many of us, and we’re all so cute and it’s like if you don’t get on Letterman or some retarded soundtrack, you’re screwed, okay? Satan is our only hope.” that makes you wish the movie were about him instead.)

3) HAPPY NEW YEARS, EVERYONE. Enjoy the evening, sing the second verse of Auld Lang Syne, and use the power of the internet to immortalize the embarrassing things other party people are doing. But beware! That power can be turned against you. And remember: If you ever get the chance to punch Hitler in the face…

Do it. For America…and for yourself!

– Holland

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