God: Ultimate Frisbee Badass

Posted: January 5, 2010 in Jeff Holland, Threat Quality
Tags: , , ,

Over the Christmas break, I finally fulfilled a long-standing promise to myself: I would watch Tron.

And I’m glad I did. Not that I liked it, precisely, but it’s that giddy combination of stupid and weird that brings a smile to my face (see also: Ghost Rider). In particular, there are two assertions in here that are kind of a mind-fuck, so I figured I would put it to you.

Which is weirder?

A) The assertion that inside all computers are tiny little glowing men, playing life-or-death games of Frisbee and Trac-Ball (which begs the question – was Wham-O a major sponsor of this movie?)?


B) The notion that God could come down to your realm to play the life-or-death Frisbee, and also offer ABSOLUTELY NO ANSWERS ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE?

Now, if you answered B, then I think you’re seriously underestimating the essential strangeness of words like “Frisbee,” “Trac-Ball,” or “Wham-O.” But yes, you’re right.

I just could not get past the idea that these little blue men, all worship their own individual programmer as GOD HIMSELF. And so yes, for Jeff Bridges to pop on down say, “What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I guess I am God. Do I KNOW anything? Pffft, I’m just here for the floaty Invaders-robot, man” is maybe a little cruel of him. But on the other hand – who really expects they’ll be considered God when they show up somewhere new? (Well, C3PO took to it pretty quickly, but otherwise…)

Or perhaps that says something bigger about ourselves, and the possibility that our relationship with our supposed creator is more one-sided than we usually consider (this is something far bigger than the movie actually bothers with, because I’m pretty sure “script” wasn’t a top priority when you’ve got a million computer-generated Frisbees to keep track of).

I mean, let’s say God in his heaven decides to come down to our realm (I like to think of him as the cloud-cluster god from Futurama who’s only vaguely aware that there is an Earth, in the vastness of the universe), to compete on, say, “Ninja Warrior.”

Do you think he’s really going to spend his time trying to enlighten the masses? Or do you think he’s going to try to psych himself up for the spider-walk?

So, think on that, next time you’re wondering why God lets bad things happen to good people, or whatever.

  1. Tad says:

    I think God already competes on Ninja Warrior. He’s the skinny old octopus guy.

  2. Jeff Holland says:

    It all makes sense now! He’s trying to teach us some kind of life lesson by not being able to complete the first obstacle.

    Not sure how the octopus fits in yet.

  3. Jeff Holland says:

    By the way, if you have no idea what we’re talking about, we’re talking about this:


    It is awesome. (And under 2 minutes, so don’t worry.)

  4. Tad says:

    “his skull is shining in the summer sun”


  5. V.I.P. Referee says:

    “Tron” missed “Pogo-Ball” in the line-up of awesome throwy-bouncy toys? How did that happen? Although, truth be told, everyone misses “Pogo-Ball” (heh).

    On a similar subject (not really, but I’m bringing it up anyway), I’ve been craving cheesy, late 70’s-early 80’s, action-adventure films lately. I now realize that over the last month, I’ve managed to watch both “Conan the Barbarian”, “Conan the Destroyer” and “Clash of the Titans”. I think this experience is similar to what happens when your neurons fire-off for the last time. No doubt I’m dumber from it all, but blissfully so.

    Oh, and…

    “But on the other hand – who really expects they’ll be considered God when they show up somewhere new?” (Are we allowed to now answer that question truthfully, since Braak isn’t here to zap us in our cages?)

  6. V.I.P. Referee says:

    Oh. Braak <is back. Don’t tell him about the God joke.

  7. Dave says:

    Back to the house of pain!

  8. Jeff Holland says:

    See, this is all your own fault, VIP, for apparently reading Threat Quality in a cage. You’re a sitting duck for zapping!

    (When will people learn? The only way to read Threat Quality Press is in a 40-year-old barcalounger. Where oncoming Braak-zapping attacks can be fended off by the quick swing of an iron-reinforced footrest. Hii-yaaah!!!)

    Also: I don’t know how sick of Sam Worthington you are yet, but if you ever wished his blankly-determined stare could take over for Harry Hamlin, then 2010’s remake of “Clash of the Titans” should be right up your alley: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800320

  9. V.I.P. Referee says:

    “…blankly-determined stare…” (ha–’tis true!)

    See, I’ll admit I was aware of the remake in progress. Whatever its doofiness and however flimsy its female characters, the original “Clash of the Titans” has had a place in my heart since I first saw it as a kid. Proof that it’s important parents really think about what their kids are watching.

  10. V.I.P. Referee says:

    Yes. Let’s all now laugh at the girl in the cage.

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