Liveblogging the Olympics Part 1

Posted: February 13, 2010 in Threat Quality
Tags: ,

Friday night, my friends and I used our Facebook statuses, Twitter-style – because nobody uses Twitter, apparently – to watch the Olympics opening ceremony. Which was a blast for US, but anyone who wasn’t watching all sides of the conversation probably grew impatient with four hours of constant status updates.

Here it is, in incredibly truncated and streamlined form (and yes, this is truncated – seriously, we had to amuse each other for like four hours):

PART 1 – SO IT BEGINS:
TAD: We are the world 2, with vince vaughn playing the part of dan aykroyd, apparently

Holland: The Olympics announcer guy sounds like the Canadian Duff-Man.

Holland: I had no idea the line between Inuits and Mummers was so thin.

Tad: if Philly ever hosts an Olympics, I expect the Mummers to have a large presence!

Tad: I’ve taught Avery a nice repertoire of anti-Canadian slurs. I’m a great father!

Mike: We get it Bermuda…you wear shorts. Good for you.

Holland: “Bermuda: Because we have to, that’s why.”

Holland: Is life hard in the Cayman Islands, Bob Costas? Explain more.

Becka: It’s the hats.

Holland: “The straw…it’s too thin! It blocks very little of the sun’s rays! WHY MUST IT BE SO DIFFICULT HERE?!”

Becka: ::throws ridiculously thin hat to the ground and storms off::

Mike: Who decided that skiing and rifle shooting went together???

Holland: “Only Ireland separates Iran from Israel.” That’s putting a lot of pressure on Ireland and their day-glo pants.

Carol: It’s cool — the Irish brought enough beer to keep everyone happy. We always do….

Tad: Mexico… not holding up their end of the North American winter Olympics bargain!

Mike: I’ve never heard of Moldova.

Holland: I thought that was one of those made-up countries on “24.”

Tad: Monaco’s flag is just Poland’s flag upside-down. There’s a joke in there somewhere. I assume it’s about people from Monaco.

Holland: How much of this commentary do you think Bob Costas is just making up?

Tad: Nepal’s flag is pretty badass. Way better than Ohio’s stupid non-rectangular flag.

Lisa: it amazes me that so many countries have entered with just one athlete. Go that guy!

Tad: POLAND!!! WE DID IT!!!

Holland: They won the gold medal in “Showing up”?

Tad: we could take the Netherlands. Well, if you don’t count speed skating, maybe.

Holland: YOU KNOW I COUNT SPEED SKATING!

Holland: “Portugal’s hoping this is the year.” Well screw you too, Costas.

Lisa: Seriously Bob Costas is kind of a douche – not John Mayer level of douche, but still…

Mike: Damn commercials! I want to know more about San Marino!

Holland: “The Butcher, the Iceman, and the Wizard.” This has been Made-Up Facts, With Bob Costas.

Tad: Switzerland’s 3 most famous athletes… the butcher, the iceman, and the wizard

Lisa: Seren’t they all flying in Top Gun school?

Tad: I think the butcher got cut out of the final take

Holland: Little-known fact: The Butcher was played by a then-unknown Bob Costas.

Holland: Let’s bring out Shaun White and his uniquely slappable face.

Holland: “He’s going to uncork the double-cork here, that’s his signature trick. He seems to cut across all lines here…” You guys, Bob Costas is drunk.

Tad: You know somebody means business when they uncork the double-cork.

Mike: Damn right! That’s 2 different corks coming out…not just the one cork most people are used to uncorking.

Lisa: I think I uncorked the double cork a long time ago. And so did Costas

Lisa: Canadians according to Costas: “Hello, we’re glad you’re here – now we’re going to kick your ass in winter sports” Beinvenue!

Holland: Hey, Canada – reminding us that Bryan Adams and Nellie Furtado are your national treasures is not helping us take you more seriously.

Lisa: Where’s Alex Trebek?

Tad: Ha, Avery is ragging on Canada pretty good now. I am the best father in the world!!

(TOMORROW: THINGS GET WEIRD, THEN TEDIOUS)

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Comments
  1. braak says:

    Norway decided that skiing and shooting should go together; they invented to it to fight the Germans, I think.

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