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THE CEREMONY BEGINS
Holland: Oh, awesome, it’s the new “Last Airbender” trailer – wait, no. No, sorry. Still Canada.

Holland: Donald Sutherland: The Greatest Living Canadian.

Carol: Not Michael J. Fox?

Lisa: Costas – “How exPERTly blah blah blah”

Lisa: Oh shit I didn’t know the Sutherlands were Canadian! I take back the Trebek comment! Please don’t sic Jack Bauer on me!!!!

Holland: They’re Canadian, but not like Shatner.

Lisa: So I’m OK then, whew. No one wants to wake up to a Sutherland in their face, but a Shatner would be WAY worse!

Tad: Avery: “Nice giant fake polar bear”

Lisa: Wait, was that Bryan Adams or Ryan Adams? Aren’t they both canucks? I thought Bryan Adams was old…a la Costner’s Robin Hood.

Holland: Ryan Adams would punch you in the throat for suggesting such a thing. He might actually be Canadian, but he’s also incredibly touchy.

Lisa: I couldn’t actually see him – Nelly Furtado’s bright blue dress was blinding me.

Holland: That was Bryan Adams. The snowy north has preserved his skin well.

Holland: Look, as long as Sarah McLachlan isn’t showing me pictures of abused puppies, she’s welcome on my TV.

Mike: I punch a dog every time I hear her sing.

Tad: Avery just groaned and said “Awww, it’s still not over?”

Tad: Ah, yes, the long-awaited salute to Quebec.

Holland: And now, Canada’s future: when it returns to its native Mars.

Holland: Announcers: “It’s like a grain alcohol, and it can mess with ya” – “Yeah, it’s pretty potent.” GUYS, PAY ATTENTION, CANADIAN DEVIL FIDDLERS ARE ON.

Lisa: These guys would make Charlie Daniels a little nervous.

Mike Keller: Look out! The one fiddler went rogue and started tap dancing.

Holland: It’s good to know the lead singer from the Spin Doctors found work, though.

Tad: this tap-dancing fellow is exactly how I picture all Canadians.

Mike: The only thing that’s cool about this opening ceremony is the floor…and they have something like it at the Granite Run Mall. You can play soccer on it.

Mike: “A tribute to Canada’s vast prairies”??? Really??? Next…a tribute to Canada Geese and John Candy.

Tad: John Candy would be in line to light the torch if he was still alive.

Holland: So, Canadians are like the Na’vi from Avatar, is that what the takeaway here is?

Lisa: I thought Peter Pan was British???

Holland: Canada’s claiming Peter Pan for their own! You wanna make something of it?

Holland: AND SUPERMAN! CANADA OWNS SUPERMAN TOO, NOW!

Tad: i thought Canadian Superman was called Captain Canuck.

Lisa: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Captain CAAAAAAAVEMAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!!

Holland: No. He is called William Shatner.

Tad: I always hope the John Williams Olympics theme transitions right into the star wars theme one of these years

Holland: “And so, Canadian Superboy learned of his Kryptonian heritage and found his Fortress of Solitude…in Vancouver.”

Mike: It’s a geology lesson. Mountains come from lava. Thanks Canada.

Holland: Ah, jeez, Canada, did you just watch Tron, too?

Tad: Tron just came out in Canada.