THE CEREMONY BEGINS
Holland: Oh, awesome, it’s the new “Last Airbender” trailer – wait, no. No, sorry. Still Canada.
Holland: Donald Sutherland: The Greatest Living Canadian.
Carol: Not Michael J. Fox?
Lisa: Costas – “How exPERTly blah blah blah”
Lisa: Oh shit I didn’t know the Sutherlands were Canadian! I take back the Trebek comment! Please don’t sic Jack Bauer on me!!!!
Holland: They’re Canadian, but not like Shatner.
Lisa: So I’m OK then, whew. No one wants to wake up to a Sutherland in their face, but a Shatner would be WAY worse!
Tad: Avery: “Nice giant fake polar bear”
Lisa: Wait, was that Bryan Adams or Ryan Adams? Aren’t they both canucks? I thought Bryan Adams was old…a la Costner’s Robin Hood.
Holland: Ryan Adams would punch you in the throat for suggesting such a thing. He might actually be Canadian, but he’s also incredibly touchy.
Lisa: I couldn’t actually see him – Nelly Furtado’s bright blue dress was blinding me.
Holland: That was Bryan Adams. The snowy north has preserved his skin well.
Holland: Look, as long as Sarah McLachlan isn’t showing me pictures of abused puppies, she’s welcome on my TV.
Mike: I punch a dog every time I hear her sing.
Tad: Avery just groaned and said “Awww, it’s still not over?”
Tad: Ah, yes, the long-awaited salute to Quebec.
Holland: And now, Canada’s future: when it returns to its native Mars.
Holland: Announcers: “It’s like a grain alcohol, and it can mess with ya” – “Yeah, it’s pretty potent.” GUYS, PAY ATTENTION, CANADIAN DEVIL FIDDLERS ARE ON.
Lisa: These guys would make Charlie Daniels a little nervous.
Mike Keller: Look out! The one fiddler went rogue and started tap dancing.
Holland: It’s good to know the lead singer from the Spin Doctors found work, though.
Tad: this tap-dancing fellow is exactly how I picture all Canadians.
Mike: The only thing that’s cool about this opening ceremony is the floor…and they have something like it at the Granite Run Mall. You can play soccer on it.
Mike: “A tribute to Canada’s vast prairies”??? Really??? Next…a tribute to Canada Geese and John Candy.
Tad: John Candy would be in line to light the torch if he was still alive.
Holland: So, Canadians are like the Na’vi from Avatar, is that what the takeaway here is?
Lisa: I thought Peter Pan was British???
Holland: Canada’s claiming Peter Pan for their own! You wanna make something of it?
Holland: AND SUPERMAN! CANADA OWNS SUPERMAN TOO, NOW!
Tad: i thought Canadian Superman was called Captain Canuck.
Lisa: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Captain CAAAAAAAVEMAAAAAANNNNN!!!!!!
Holland: No. He is called William Shatner.
Tad: I always hope the John Williams Olympics theme transitions right into the star wars theme one of these years
Holland: “And so, Canadian Superboy learned of his Kryptonian heritage and found his Fortress of Solitude…in Vancouver.”
Mike: It’s a geology lesson. Mountains come from lava. Thanks Canada.
Holland: Ah, jeez, Canada, did you just watch Tron, too?
Tad: Tron just came out in Canada.
I’m sure the rest of the intertubers could care less about our opinions, but I enjoyed re-reading our comments!
The “Tron” bit was particularily entertaining. Wait long enough and The Future is new…again…