Dear Right Wing Protesters Who Are Outraged By Captain America

Posted: February 16, 2010 in Threat Quality
Tags: , , ,

Hi. First, let’s just get this out of the way right now: you are stupid.

Now then, let’s take a look at what you’re upset about:

The letterer of the comic, under a deadline crunch, used actual Teaparty protest signs in a panel where Cap and the Falcon were talking about an angry mob of racist lunatics.

Well…heh. Okay, I can see how, if you think your mob is NOT made up of paranoid, angry, ill-informed racist lunatics then that might be somewhat offensive to you.

The writer, Ed Brubaker, and Marvel’s editor in chief Joe Quesada have both apologized and tried to explain that this was a simple goof, not an implied assault on the teaparty people.

But you teaparty people – and yes, I am saying “Teaparty people” because even I stopped laughing at “teabaggers” after a while, though I’m pretty sure you still haven’t bothered to google the term (DO NOT DO AN IMAGE SEARCH!) – were still angry, and went scouring Ed Brubaker’s twitter account for signs of left-leaning sentiments.

This wasn’t hard, because Ed Brubaker’s a pretty open liberal.

But what’s really funny here – other than your mouth-frothing outrage in general – is your mouth-frothing outrage that CAPTAIN AMERICA, of all comic books, is written by a LIBERAL! Who insults fringe political parties! (And yes, you are a fringe political party, because “shouting and silly signs” does not equal “people taking you seriously,” and you should believe me because you ever see the hippies outside a G8 summit?)

Here’s my favorite comment: “With all the problems in the world, Captain America is going after people who disagree with the government’s fiscal policy.”

Which…guys, that’s not actually what the story is about. Honestly – can you imagine how boring a story like that would be?! See, you have to read the whole comic, and not just one single panel.

I know, comics are hard.

What’s funny is, I’m a long-time Captain America fan. And you people are only outraged because Fox News cracked open a Cap comic this year.

Captain America has been a Roosevelt-era New Deal Democrat, for, like, forever. (And no, punching Hitler in the face doesn’t automatically make you a Republican – ALL Americans want to punch Hitler in the face. It looks like fun.)

But that’s almost beside the point, because the time to be outraged about Captain America was probably in the 70’s, where Richard Nixon was revealed to be the head of a terrorist organization and killed himself rather than evade capture.

Or in the 80’s, when he was drawn by a Canadian (eek!). Or when Ronald Reagan turned into a horrible lizard creature.

Or, in the 90’s, where Bill Clinton showed up often and at no point did Cap punch him in the face for being a godless commie liberal. (In fact, Clinton got to hold Cap’s shield. Mark Waid is a liberal, too.)

Or earlier this decade, where Cap, not willing to suffer a foolish military official at Gitmo, calmly asked, “Are you a strong swimmer, sir?” and threw him into the ocean.

In other words, if you’re gonna be mad that someone made Captain America into a liberal, or that Captain America is now being written by liberals as part of some hidden socialist agenda…perhaps look into this a little further, rather than simply go apeshit over it.

I realize this is a lot to ask, but you know what? That’s what Cap would do. And you guys want to be like the Captain America you think exists, right?

Jeff Holland
Cap’s Biggest Fan

PS: It’s not even the same Captain America you’re thinking of – it’s his old partner, Bucky, who took over when Steve Rogers got shot. But…probably not the point.

  1. braak says:

    Ironically, Captain America was shown punching Hitler in the face fully a year before all Americans wanted to do it–we were still gripped by that (Republican) isolationist policy regarding Europe.

  2. V.I.P. Referee says:

    You’re asking “The Teabaggers” and “Fox News” to not apple-pick information and to do more extensive back-research before forming and expressing opinions. You’re a wack-crazy idealist, Mr. Holland.

  3. Jeff Holland says:

    I can be quite the kook, Ref. What can I say? Captain America has always been a very inspirational figure for me.

  4. James Hipps says:

    Unless you’re older, white, straight and angry there’s a Black man in the White House then you’re probably not associated with the tea-baggers or the GOP. They’ll be pissed off at anything their narrow minds perceive as criticism or opposition to their hate and bigotry.

    They thing is, they want to be Captain America, but they can’t take America back from anyone. If America is “taken back” by anyone, it should be given back to the Native Americans who were raped, diseased and murdered by what was at the time equivalent to the tea-baggers. I wonder what Captain America thinks about that?

  5. Anna says:

    These right wingers are incredibly hypocritical.
    They claim to hate political correctness.
    Yet, when the word “retard” is used in a non-offensive way Sarah Palin is outraged. When Muslims protest cartoons of their prophet Muhammad it’s borderline terrorism to them; a threat to free speech. Yet, when Marvel Comics bashes their ridiculous protests with a cartoon it’s serious business. They’re so outspoken about Islamic fundamentalism, yet they have “pray for Obama to die” groups, give death threats to congressmen, bring weapons to rallies, extremists kill abortion doctors, etc. They’re “anti big government” when it comes to health care, but when a bill that will surely result in the profiling and jailing of Hispanics is passed there is no problem. They’re anti government spending, yet many support a war that is driving the country into oblivion with it’s spending.
    More so, where on earth were these people when Bush cracked down on them on the bases of “security?” Where were they when he was taxing them?
    These people are only anti-establishment when the president is half black.
    These people are only pro free speech when it benefits them.
    These people are only anti-political correctness when it becomes an excuse to spread hate speech and lies.

  6. […] (also remove the unnecessary patriotic stars – no matter how ready Fox News is to complain about the lack of patriotism in comics – and line the shorts with white to keep the color scheme), […]

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