Green Arrow and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Posted: March 4, 2010 in comic books, Jeff Holland, Threat Quality
Tags: , , ,

Here is a great example of why “realism” and “superhero comics starring a guy whose only weapon is a bow and arrow and yet has still somehow not gotten shot about a billion times yet” does not always blend in the way its creators may hope.

DC Comics, apparently aiming (ha! because of the picture) to put things into perspective for unemployed people with no health insurance who are losing their homes and their dogs and their wives, has decided to show them what a bad string of luck really is.

By going ABSOLUTELY APESHIT on one of their heroes.

First, a caveat, because every time I mention Green Arrow, people ask if it’s this guy:

No. No it is not. That’s Hawkeye, the Marvel Comics sass-mouthing archer equivalent. He has been blown up, brought back to life, killed again, brought back to life again, slept with the woman who magically killed him twice, became a ninja, reunited with his presumed-dead ex-wife only to learn she was actually a shape-shifting, brainwashed alien, then got reunited with his presumed-dead ex-wife for real. Oh, and he threatened to kill a world security head on a live news show.

Which is to say, he actually has had it better of late than Green Arrow.

For a while, our emerald archer could do no wrong: he was a billionaire industrialist who became a master bowman to survive on a desert island, then became a superhero who held his own amidst superfast scientists and farmboy aliens and BATMAN, with nothing more than an arrow with a boxing glove attached and his pretty sweet-ass goatee.

He managed to claim moral superiority over his best friend, a space-cop with a magical wishing ring, and even the hottest woman in DC Comics was into him despite his being a good decade older than her and also there was some cheating. Oh, and at one point he died and came back and became the mayor of his city.

So: Not so bad being Green Arrow. UNTIL:

James Robinson’s just-concluded Justice League miniseries, “Cry For Justice.” Here’s a quick rundown of what happened:

His former sidekick, Speedy (later Arsenal when he realized shooting guns was a lot easier than a bow and arrow, and even later Red Arrow when he realized he wanted a dorkier name and costume) GOT HIS ARM RIPPED OFF:

Then his hometown, Star City, got demolished.

And, oh yeah, his eight-year-old granddaughter was killed in the process.

So, what did Green Arrow do? He tracked down the supervillain responsible, and then this:

And now he is very upset about the whole to-do. And as previews of upcoming stories show, apparently the rest of the DC superheroes are really pissed off at him over this whole “shoot an irredeemably awful man in the head with an arrow in revenge” thing.

(Apparently they have all decided to ignore the fact that Green Arrow had a long-running series that recast him as an urban hunter who popped arrows into smugglers and drug dealers fairly routinely. Because they are dicks.)

Biff! Bam! Comics: They’re not for kids anymore! They’re more for making you want to vomit in despair.

This is why the only DC stuff I pay any attention to is the late, lamented Justice League cartoon:

Where superheroes fight for a good reason: to impress girls. And isn’t THAT the message we want to send to impressionable kids?

  1. braak says:

    Dude, is Speedy a zombie in that picture? Or is he just sporting a pretty righteous grimace?

  2. Jeff Holland says:

    Shockingly, this story has nothing to do with the OTHER ongoing DC story where all the dead of the DC Universe are rising up as ROTTING SUPERPOWERED ZOMBIES, who, as I understand it, are real jerks.

    Nope, ol’ Speedy here is just EMOTING from the pain of NO ARM.

    Like you’d walk in all casual and, “Hey guys, what’s up?” with NO ARM! NONE! RIPPED CLEAN OFF! Though, if you did…kudos.

  3. no says:

    This is good and more better that you know your marvel from your dc but it did’nt explain what happend to speedy or red arrow

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