NETFLIX!

Posted: June 17, 2010 in Threat Quality

I HAVE FOUR REQUIREMENTS FOR A MOVIE!

1)  Entertaining

2)  Not stupid

3)  Not so god-damn bleak

4)  I haven’t seen it yet

WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!?!?!?!

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Comments
  1. Jeff Holland says:

    Instant Player or just generally?

  2. braak says:

    Instant play!

  3. Jeff Holland says:

    Wanna do me a favor and watch Dead Snow and see if it’s any good? I mean, in theory, Zombies vs. Nazis is totally my thing, but you could save me 90 minutes if it sucks.

  4. braak says:

    Wait, it’s zombies VERSUS Nazis? I thought it was regular people versus Nazi-zombies. How would I know who to root for?

  5. Jeff Holland says:

    You may be right. But if it’s nazis vs. zombies, I’m pretty sure you root for the zombies.

    Because they are trying to kill nazis. And I’m trying really hard to come up with a scenario where killing nazis is a bad thing, but it would have to get pretty damn convoluted.

  6. braak says:

    This is actually a problematic moral position. I mean, I hate Nazis. Every sensible human being hates Nazis. But is it right to say that Nazis are actually worse than zombies?

  7. Jeff Holland says:

    Sorry, let me elaborate: Yup, totally, because unlike Nazis, your standard-issue zombies aren’t really in control of what they’re doing – they’re driven by ravenous hunger, or (in your voodoo rendition) the commands of someone else.

    In fact, I’m trying to think of a monster that could reasonably be considered WORSE than Nazis. And the only thing I can come up with is SPACE-Nazis. Nazi-equivalents that have come from beyond the stars, to our earth, to do basically the same crap Nazis try to pull.

    They’re worse because they’ve devoted miraculous technology and energy toward the same horrible goals as regular Nazis.

  8. braak says:

    Individually morally worse, yes, but I’m not talking about whether or not it’s more morally reprehensible to be a Nazi than it is to be a zombie–I’m talking about whether, as a third party, it’s more morally acceptable to prefer an outcome in which zombies win, as opposed to an outcome in which Nazis win. If it’s the Nazis standing between humanity and a complete zombie apocalypse — one that would utterly annihilate essentially the entire species.

    It’s an interesting question, I think; I mean, what if we replaced Nazis with something else that was also reprehensible? What if it was, say, a serial killer fighting zombies in an abandoned tenement or something? Do a person’s individual motives even matter under circumstances in which the fate of the entire species is at stake?

  9. braak says:

    Though, of course, hypothetically I’d also prefer to be inducted into the Nazi party than to become a zombie, precisely because zombies lack control over their actions. While this may absolve the zombies of moral responsibility, the choice to abdicate that responsibility still remains — so I wouldn’t be responsible for all the people that I’d murdered, I would be responsible for permitting myself to become something that I knew would murder. By contrast, I could become a Nazi and then just do a really bad job at it; ostensibly, I could even secretly work against or sabotage the party, or act to limit the potential damage. Being a zombie wouldn’t allow for that possibility.

  10. Jeff Holland says:

    A serial killer – let’s say the tenement is where he goes to do his killing, when he’s interrupted by a zombie hoard, and has to stay alive against things that are even more Wired To Kill than he ever could be.

    Still more sympathetic, oddly enough, in a kind of EC Comics way (quality of killing vs. quantity – it’s really a pretty relatable tale). Plus, it’s one against many, so there’s an underdog quality.

    I mean, if a pack of Nazis can’t take down a pack of zombies, then they’re just shitty Nazis. Unless they’ve all taken your route, and decided to just be really awful at their jobs.

    In which case this might actually be a hilariously awkward situation.

  11. Jeff Holland says:

    I think my problem here is I’m just thinking of who I’d ROOT for as a viewer, not who I’d side with if I were involved (in which case, in a full-on zombie apocalypse, I think the priorities of the Nazis may have maybe changed a little).

    If it’s ____ vs. zombies, I think it’s a foregone conclusion that the human race is done for, so then it’s just a matter of which would be “my” team.

    Zombies vs. Single Serial Killer – I’d root for the killer.
    Zombies vs. PACK of Serial Killers – I’d pay money for that movie. I suppose it might depend on the pack of killers, but probably I’d support them.
    Zombies vs. Nazis – Yeah, I suppose the only way I’d root for the Nazis in this case is if they’re taking a defensive stance, but they’d have to be protecting, like, the world’s last farm for abandoned puppies who live in slippers or something.

  12. braak says:

    Anyway, it’s totally zombie-Nazis. Which, frankly, seems redundant. I mean, zombies don’t have any ideology anyway, so a zombie-Nazi is basically the same as a regular Nazi, just in a fancy uniform.

  13. Jeff Holland says:

    Hmm. Well, doesn’t matter, I think our conversation here yielded some food for thought. (Or at least one EC comics-style story for me to fiddle with at some point.)

    Also, a regular zombie, you mean, right?

    In which case, HARDLY a regular zombie: look at his fancy uniform!

    A zombie with a sharp military trenchcoat? Now you should be scared.

  14. Brent says:

    Awesome thread. Some potential here for an excellent film, esp if the main character is a non-Nazi-non-zombie and his quandary is made up of both maintaining his moral center AND staying alive (with both teams after him at times).

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