Due to reasons — PERFECTLY LEGAL REASONS! — I, Braak!, must leave the country for the next few days. Probably until, say, July. During that time, I do not know if I will have internet access, as I will be in some pitifully underdeveloped nation called “England.” I am advised that this country is full of chavs and wankers, and smells primarily of boiled beef.
As a consequence, you will probably notice fewer posts from me here at Threat Quality Press. BUT FEAR NOT! It’s possible that I will return!
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Oh! When you come back from England, your teeth will stink!
Now I know why he wanted to catch up with “Doctor Who.”
Do you realize how…hot…English men are? No, you don’t. Because you’re not a straight woman or a gay man. If you were, you’d understand. They are beautiful creatures. Every last one. This is a widely proven and indisputable fact, immune to any accusations of “generalizing” or “fetishizing”. DO NOT deter them from potentially visiting the U.S., with any bad American behavior, like yelling “Tallyho, Wankers!” in that same, terrible “English” accent every bratty Yank hones during drunken sessions watching “Monty Python” flicks—all while you charge from pub to pub in a smashed stupor. I haven’t spent the past few days fashioning my best “World Cup” condolence speech, just to have any future chances ruined with one Britain-wide sweep of Braakishness. Behave!
Ohhhh, no. No more late, late night commenting for me. Apparently, the witching hour transforms me into an objectifying skeaze. I should’ve just written: “OMG, wouldn’t it be great if England were actually a big swimming pool of Brit men wrestling in Hasty Pudding sauce? ROARRRR…”
Ugghh…