Tiny Kung Fu Women and Adorable Puppies!

Posted: July 22, 2010 in Jeff Holland, reviews, Threat Quality
Tags: , , , ,

Quick one today, since I’ve got a deadline (wherein I masterfully stretch “Seriously, don’t do drugs at work!” into 14 pages), and I have THIS NEW DOG!

Her name is Neko (well, it will be once we train “Bjork” out of her – and yes, Braak has informed me neko means cat in Japanese but IT IS TOO LATE NOW), they say she’s a spitz but I think she’s a mashup of an American Eskimo and a coyote, and so far she’s just the best.

Anyway, let’s get to the nitty-gritty, and the bane of Braak’s existence: TINY KUNG-FU WOMEN! 

First up, if you were curious what the experience of watching “Covert Affairs,” the Piper Perabo-starring Tiny Kung Fu Woman Show on USA, it is NOT, I was surprised, like watching someone rip off the pilot to “Alias” wholesale.

Don’t get me wrong – the premise seems to be a wholesale ripoff of “Alias,” but the pilot was like Tim Matheson, upon finishing watching the “Alias” pilot, looked at his USA employers, and gently told them, “There is simply no way I can do that. How’d you like a nice solid episode of ‘Burn Notice’ but starring a girl? I can do that for you.”

On the upside, Perabo doesn’t perform any daring feats that appear, at first glance, to bend the laws of physics. She mostly runs, and when left with no recourse but to fight a much larger man, she does her best but loses pretty badly.

So Braak should not be left in fits of apoplectic rage. (Though I still dare him to watch the show, because his apoplexy gives me a sense of zen calm.)

MEANWHILE! Since I’m catching up on the last season of “Supernatural” through reruns on Tha CW (Tagline: “Do you guys want shows with teenagers? ‘Cuz we can GIVE you shows with teenagers! Or vampires! JUST TELL US WHAT YOU WANT!”), I have now seen the commercial for the new “Nikita” series starring Maggie Q approximately ONE BA-MEGA-JILLION TIMES.

It looks…well, again, like someone is trying and failing to make “Alias” all over again (though yes, the original Nikita film and USA series probably had a major influence on “Alias,” so loop the loop!). Also, Maggie Q may not be, so much, with the acting.

Then this came out today:

My first response: Jeez, that uncomfortable strappy bathing suit thing makes Maggie Q’s head look ginormous.

My second response: Is that a tattoo of a Transformer on her hip?

My third response: Holy crap that chair is made of guns. That is a chair. Concocted. Out of Machine Guns. GUN CHAIR. GUN CHAIR!

I’m hoping the show tries to build on this third response.

  1. braak says:

    What…what is that google ad doing there? Did we put that there? Is that always there?

  2. braak says:

    No, wait, now it’s gone.


  3. braak says:

    Anyway, you’ll be able to tell if she’s a spitz as she gets a little bigger — if her tail is plumed, and curls over her body, then she’s a spitz.

  4. sebastian says:

    I watched Alias a few months ago and I think it’s the show that finally broke me of the bad opinion of wanting every show I watch to have an over-reaching “mythology” that is explored throughout. I like Covert Affairs so far, but I don’t need the mysterious former one night stand super spy story. I just want to watch Piper Perabo and her blind friend get into implausible spy situations.

  5. Jeff Holland says:

    Oh man, Alias’s mythology somehow managed to get even more convoluted and silly than X-Files in half the actual time. On the upside, that means whenever I want to re-watch it I know it’s only a two-season, not a five-season investment.

    As for Covert Affairs, it’s about the same level of bland likability that keeps me watching Burn Notice but is not good enough to get me watching White Collar. But it does have Peter Gallagher. And after The OC (Seasons 1 and 4, not the sucky middle two), he can do no wrong for me.

  6. Jeff Holland says:

    Oh and yes, curly plumey tail – totally a spitz. Who seems to like hiding under tables right now. Solution? Put a little bed under the table. THAT IS YOUR HOME NOW LITTLE GIRL!

  7. Tad says:

    sometimes i get google ads on your posts, but then if i refresh or go there again, its gone. stealth google ads, i guess.

  8. sebastian says:

    Bland likability is really the perfect description of Covert Affairs.

  9. Jeff Holland says:

    Yeah, there’s that advertisement again…what is the DEAL with that?

  10. Carl says:

    I suspect that there may be an actual market for gunchairs, so if a quick googling (note the elegant way in which I tie the multiple topic-threads of these responses together) turns nothing up, then I’m going into business and I’ll see you suckers on the other side of filthy rich.

    Also, from the department of Things-you-already-know-and-have-been-told-frequently-throughout-your-lives, it really is stunning how much the two of you look alike. I’m viewing this Threat Quality entry by means of my TQP Mobile Blackberry App (by the way, when the hell are you going to release a TQP Mobile Blackberry App and make my life a little easier, eh?), and at this resolution, I honestly thought that the pic showed Braak with a fluffy puppy. Just incredible.

  11. V.I.P. Referee says:

    A puppy?! WHERE have I been! So cute! And she’s already cozying-up and sitting for portraits, which is a good thing.

    Speaking of dogs, every time I’ve seen the new “Nikita” ad, I compulsively yawn right after she cracks the guy’s neck. I don’t think that’s the Pavlovian response the ad people were looking for, but I can’t help but think: “Dull as chalk. This is all they could come up with?”

    But after decades of cop shows, crime shows, secret-agent plots and more forensics-lab and hospital floor versions of “The Loveboat” than I can count on fingers and toes, where to go from there? What’s the next big trend in primetime T.V. going to be? I’d be interested in seeing something like the series airing in parts of Africa that involves conflicting groups coming together over soccer/football—something along the lines of, people channeling aggression productively. I’m so sick of shows that rack-up bodies like pounds of hamburger at a supermarket: “Open for business! Time to put the meat out on display.”

  12. Jeff Holland says:

    @Carl: I don’t know if I ever mentioned this before, but one time I was at a bar in Philly and while waiting for the bartender, this guy standing next to me kept INSISTING that he knew me. I kept trying to explain that, no, he didn’t, until he told me (yes, TOLD me) my name was Chris and we went to school together. This was actually before Braak and I reconnected post-college, but already I saw the storm-clouds circling, and now, well. Here we are.

    Also, Braak was kind enough to buy snausages for Neko when I brought her to his place a week ago, and so she pretty much treated him as “Master, Mark 2.”

    @VIP – One of the most frustrating aspects, to me, of Alias was the fact that Jennifer Garner wasn’t actually SHOOTING anyone. She would wing them, or use tranq darts, but the show went out of its way to keep her from outright killing anyone and it drove me up a wall every time. So, yeah. A few years go by, and now everyone shoots everyone else. I don’t know if I really won anything there.

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