Canada vs. the Martians and the best ad copy in the world: A day at the Geppi Museum

Posted: August 12, 2010 in Jeff Holland, Threat Quality
Tags: , , , , , , ,

A few months ago I found myself in Baltimore for a conference, staring out at the inner harbor and wondering how many blocks I’d have to walk before I hit Hamsterdam.

On my second day there, because it was raining and generally shitty out, I decided to pop into a non-descript, second-story museum above the  (I’m assuming) much more popular sports memorabilia  site.

It was the Geppi Entertainment Museum, which has the loosest conceit to base an entire museum around – basically, “Shit Steve Geppi has accumulated over the years.” Movie posters? Sure. Comics? Why not. Hello Kitty toys? Welcome to the gift shop.

It was also quite a bit of fun, because on a rainy Tuesday afternoon, I was all alone, save for the nice young woman handing out tickets and maps to NOBODY else.

So it was just me and Steve Geppi’s collection of random crap, which I now pass on to you: 

First, enjoy this waking nightmare.

I’d just like to ask: How. HOW has there been no cell phone charger in the shape of a Shakespeare bust with a flip-top head? DC Direct, GET ON THAT.

I like to think this movie is constantly being remade, like the Zatoichi of Canada. Their greatest moment in cinema.

Oh, racism. You rascal.

By the way, anyone wondering why we still can’t have an honest discussion of racism in this country? This is why. There’s fucking BILLIONS OF EXAMPLES OF THIS CRAP and it’s all from the last two hundred years.

I feel like Straight Arrow has an agenda here, but I’m not sure if it’s Nabisco Shredded Wheat or fighting homosexual urges.

Just…think for a moment about where you’re going to stick that pencil top.

Oh no, Straight Arrow, save me from myself!

Yes. The Phantom. For milk.

I cannot believe this movie wasn’t a bigger hit.

THRILL! At people talking to each other. CHILL at the endless shrugging action!

I won’t lie – I would really, really like to own this poster. And yes, there was more than one time I thought about stealing something from the Geppi Museum.

Remember when “The X-Files” was a serious cultural thing that millions of people were into? Including that sci-fi sweet spot, young girls and doll collectors?

“The thing that came from Outer Hell…to burn the world alive!”

Best. Ad Copy. EVER.

And now we’re at the gift shop. You’d think this much Hello Kitty would freak a guy out, but I live near the King of Prussia Plaza, where we have this store.

And my girlfriend likes Hello Kitty.

I’ve built up a tolerance, is what I’m saying.

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