An Important Question

Posted: October 7, 2010 in Jeff Holland, Threat Quality
Tags: , , ,

It’s a deadline day, and time is limited. So I thought I’d just throw out a question so staggering in its enormity, so baffling in its many angles to consider, that I’m going to need the collective power of the internet to help me:

What is the deal with Val Kilmer?

I mean, is he not aware that he’s Val Kilmer – a household name, a fairly well-respected actor? He was a BATMAN, dammit! (Yes, the shittiest Batman from the second-shittiest movie, but still – it counts for something.)

I mean, sure he’s a bit of a nut – go read Chuck Klosterman’s profile of him (which is actually somewhat complimentary and forgiving of his nuttiness) – and probably a bit of a chore to work with, but in this day and age, isn’t that a fluctuating grade curve? More importantly, he’s a really entertaining actor when he wants to be.

That might be the key here: When he wants to be. Go watch Spartan or Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and you’ll see an actor engaged in good material and delivering a strong, watchable performances.

Now why is that the same guy who’s doing the voice of KITT for a shitty Knight Rider reboot? Or a recurring bad guy on a CSI? Why is he the swollen, Orson Welles-esque bad guy in fricking MacGruber (which, look…it’s not the worst way to spend 90 minutes, but there are probably a lot of better ways to use that time, too)?

So, seriously. What the hell is up with Val Kilmer?

  1. I just assumed that the swollen-ness was a result of drug abuse, a la Matthew Perry during his “swollen” phases on Friends.

  2. braak says:

    I thought that Matthew Perry got heavier because he stopped using cocaine.

  3. deb says:

    Val Kilmer has a recurring role on CSI?!

  4. Kim says:

    All you have written is all old news… Articles you referred to were written several years ago. Must be a slow day on the news front or maybe there isn’t any news of late??? Perhaps, you should do some research to see what Val Kilmer has been doing…instead of trying to get people to do the work for you.

  5. braak says:

    Kim: are you under the misapprehension that this is a news site?

    It is true that he’s got a role in “The Codfather” coming up.

  6. Jeff Holland says:

    The CSI thing was a few seasons ago if I remember correctly. Or it’s possible I don’t. For all I know he shows up every week as a janitor who has a sinister agenda.

  7. Jeff Holland says:

    Kim, you have been absolutely no help to me whatsoever.

  8. Cat Eldridge says:

    According to IMDB, Kilmer has never been on CSI.

    And the KITT role ended when the series was canceled.

  9. braak says:

    That does little to explain why he did it in the first place.

    Also, what’s the deal with all these people caring about Val Kilmer?

    Holland, I blame you for this.

  10. Jeff Holland says:

    Oh shit, is this becoming a thing?

    People! This is not a big deal! Val Kilmer can do whatever Val Kilmer wants to do, and it really won’t bother me.

    Return to your houses.

  11. Jeff Holland says:

    Wait, I remember – it came to me in a dream – he was a recurring villain on NUMBERS. The CBS show where they solve crimes using math, not science. My mistake.

    Apologies to all Val Kilmer/Numbers crossover fans.

  12. Cat Eldridge says:

    Actually his only recurring role on any TV serire is as the voice of KITT as he was only on NUMBERS once.

  13. braak says:

    God damn it, Holland. I rely on you to be accurate about things regarding television, and now you go and do something like this. YOU HAVE BETRAYED ME.

    I don’t even know WHAT to think about Val Kilmer at this point.

    No…no, wait. Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang was pretty rad. There. Also Real Genius.

  14. Jeff Holland says:

    Cat – I apologize. Clearly I am misremembering that TV Guide newsbrief from a few years back wrongly.

    So…was he good on “Numbers”?

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