Why I Don’t Like National Novel Writing Month

Posted: November 1, 2010 in Braak

I don’t like it.  Even though I did write The Translated Man after having read the first three chapters of Chris Baty’s No Plot, No Problem while I was working in the bookstore.

The problem that I have is that I want to be the only one who can write novels.  EVERYONE ELSE STOP DOING IT, YOU’RE MAKING IT LOOK EASY.

  1. Lolly says:

    Well, I CAN’T, for the life of me, write a novel, despite really, really wanting to and knowing deep within my heart that I could be totally awesome at it. Except on the days when I think I’d totally suck. So there: you can at least feel good about being way, way more awesome than one of your commenters. Also, I so need to check out that Baty book!

  2. Jefferson Robbins says:

    I can write a novel. I know this, I’ve done it. Except where “writing a novel” is defined as “write a story complete in one volume that includes a final chapter.” That, I cannot do. Been stuck on chapter 27 of a 28-chapter book since, oh, about 2008 now.

    So if you use me as your yardstick, you’re doing okay.

  3. Jeff Holland says:

    Get ready, Jefferson.


    “Chapter 28:
    And then Galactus ate the Earth.

    The End.”


  4. Erin says:

    Holland: Why limit yourself to co-writer? Play your cards right, any you could be co-defendant in the civil suit. You might meet Marvel’s mighty lawyers!

  5. Jefferson Robbins says:


    Chapter 28:

    I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

    Annnnnd done.

  6. braak says:

    Well, shit. It’s better than mine.


  7. Carl says:

    For what its worth, my wife says your book’s kick-ass.

    And Holland, regarding Galactus: I want to end a non-fiction book that way. A textbook on botany, say, or a biography of Henry Ward Beecher. That’d spice up that side of the bookstore.

  8. braak says:

    Well, she hasn’t gotten to Mr. Stitch, yet, which basically completely abandons the structure of the police procedural/detective novel and, I think, kind of devolves into incomprehensibility. We’ll see what she thinks.

    Otherwise, yes: from henceforth, all books shall end with “And then Galactus ate the earth.”


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