Generalized Tech Rant #295

Posted: November 11, 2010 in crotchety ranting, Jeff Holland, Threat Quality
Tags: ,

(This post is a direct response to having a discussion among three editors over whether you should capitalize “tweet,” which in turn led into your standard “And what’s with the kids and their big pants and the rappity-rap songs” grousing session.)


When did modern technology get so FUCKING CUTE-SOUNDING? Did marketing people do a study that said consumers responded best to products that sound like the nonsense noises you make at babies?

It’s not just computer-related terms. It’s in the design of things, too. Look at this:

That’s a Yaris. Braak and I both drive one, which I suppose makes the Yaris the Official Car of Threat Quality Press (give us free ad money now, please, Toyota! We stood by you after the…unpleasantness!). And don’t get me wrong, it’s efficient as hell – 30 or so miles to the gallon, not too shabby.

But it looks like something you can drive in MarioKart.

I always assumed the future would look like Blade Runner, and instead it’s a Nintendo game.

  1. Tad says:

    I’m going to start throwing giant turtle shells at your car whenever I see it, Holland.

  2. Jeff Holland says:

    Just as long as it’s not that bastard wing-thing that blows up the lead car. Fucking HATE that one. (Also it blows up your car!)

  3. Lolly says:

    To be fair, the MarioKart look both much more realistic and much more mean than the Yaris. Awwww!

  4. dagocutey says:

    Ooo, look at da’ wittle car-car!

  5. Tad says:

    holland, have you really been in the front of enough mario kart races to be annoyed by the winged shell thing? i know you’re a big fan of the bullet that helps you out when you’re back in the pack!

  6. V.I.P. Referee says:

    – There’s actually a theory about this sort of thing, like when Japan first embraced “Kawaii” imagery in the late 1940’s. It was about seeming non-threatening. It’s, apparently, the sort of thing that happens when a society feels vulnerable and wants others to take on a protector’s role over them. But that certainly couldn’t be applied to the current state Americans are in, as we wail and scream about wanting our imaginary playworld back from them…whoever “them” is. Also to be considered, this is global online lingo. It can’t be possible that everyone in the World is feeling vulnerable and fragile, can it?

    – I would love a “Yaris”, with its compact, sleek design and fuel efficiency—even considering all the bad, pirate jokes that would accompany the purchase.

    – (Beware, Tad. It’s all preliminary. Holland’s deviously preparing an “in your face” smearfest. I’ve seen this sort of thing happen before. He’s a MarioKart hustler. They’re all the same. He’s just waiting until you’re over-confident, complacent and then…)

  7. Re: Bladerunner… Is this because when people imagine the cars of the future, they imagine the first flying car, instead of the point at which all cars fly and manufacturers compete on aesthetics like they always do?

  8. It’s an improvement over the earlier tendency to come up with technical terms that sound like digestive noises (grep, awk, nroff, fsck).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s