Things My Brain Apparently Finds Worth Keeping

Posted: April 7, 2011 in crotchety ranting, Jeff Holland, Threat Quality
Tags: , , , ,

Over dinner with Braak and Jeanine, the musical City of Angels came up. If you don’t know it, it’s about a writer who butts heads with his own detective character.

So there’s pretty much no way I wouldn’t love this play.

The thing’s been in my head all week, and this morning in the shower, I realized that I actually recall all the lyrics to a couple of the numbers, including the Act I closer “You’re Nothing Without Me.” (To the delight, I’m sure, of my sleeping girlfriend.) I had the song on a mix tape when I was sixteen, so apparently I’d heard it so many times I was never going to lose those lyrics.

And then I noticed I was still capable of singing the song that came NEXT on that mix tape:

Recently I’ve been all-out content and dreaming, I have been
Cuz, I have lately seen, quite a bit of this woman, living on my street…

This is how Dave Matthews Band’s “Recently” starts. And the further I got into it, the more I realized that some of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard were coming out of my own mouth

Now, I’m not going to bother defending that when I was 16 I had Dave Matthews albums. Had a ton of Phish albums too. Cope. And I’m not generally gonna rag on Dave Matthews’ lyrics. He has a style of avoiding cleverness or metaphor in favor of saying exactly the thing he’s talking about that’s, if not always successful, then at least somewhat admirable.

But this one…oh man. To continue:

People stare, and we just ignore everything
People stare and we just ignore them
and they go away

She comes to me, I watch her drink
I watch her comb her hair
Both say that we never before have
Felt as recently

If you were having trouble following along, Dave Matthews would like you guys to know he’s started dating a woman, and quite likes her. Maybe it’s an interracial relationship, or she’s got a unicorn head, or Dave walks into restaurants without shoes on. There’s no telling why they’re staring, but Dave tells us he doesn’t care, so I guess I don’t have to worry about it.

People stare and we just ignore
What’s the use in hiding out
She says all the time

She and me go to places quiet
Where we are quite alone
We kiss and hold together
We will be until we’re done

Also sometimes they go out to places, and he likes being affectionate.

Walk and talk, we both do quite well
And kissing all the time
Kissing all the time
And I’m looking forward to much more

And they are great at the walk-and-talk. They do it well. And this was years before SportsNight, so I think Aaron Sorkin owes someone back pay.

So there you go. That’s the whole song. Forever burned into my brain is the epic poem of Dave Matthews And This Girl He Dated.

I don’t really harbor a grudge against Dave Matthews for this (though, seriously Dave, you couldn’t have gussied this story up with an analogy or two? OR A RHYME?). I’m mad at my own brain. The mushy meat computer that apparently can’t be bothered to understand intermediate math somehow found the wherewithal to record this for all time.


I mean, if Dave Matthews can be successful with his little guitar and writing song lyrics that require no second drafts?

You guys, I gotta go tune my ukulele, I think I’ve got a new project.


  1. braak says:

    First Album:

    “Sandwiches are good.”
    “I have a Toyota.”
    “Look! The Sky!”
    “Sex LARP.”

  2. Jeff Holland says:

    I’m trying to imagine what the audience response to “Sandwiches Are Good” would be, and I think it breaks down into the following stages:
    – “What…is this a song about sandwiches?”
    – “Oh jesus, it is.”
    – “What kind of moron just writes about sandwiches and makes it a song?”
    – “You know what? Sandwiches ARE good. They nailed this one.”
    – “These guys are like modern-day prophets.”

  3. braak says:

    I keep singing “Sex LARP” to the tune of “Love Shack.”

  4. braak says:

    I have also been working for a while on an upbeat, hipstery-sounding song called “My Girl’s Got Features.”

  5. Jeff Holland says:

    I keep singing Sex LARP to Tom Jones’ “Sex Bomb.” Either way.

  6. Jeff Holland says:

    Our breakthrough hit is going to be called “Macaroon, I Wanna Marry You,” which is a love song about this macaroon I just ate that was fricking amazing.

  7. braak says:

    It should be a mash-up.

  8. Jeff Holland says:

    Holy shit it should.

  9. Jeff Holland says:

    I would google “Sex Bomb/Love Shack Mashup” but I am utterly terrified what would show up.

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