I Speak TV: The Season So Far

Posted: October 11, 2011 in Jeff Holland, reviews, Threat Quality
Tags: , , , , , ,

2 Broke Girls may be one of the most excruciating comedies I’ve ever watched for two reasons. The first: Kat Dennings and the other one are good. They’re funny, have easy chemistry with each other and are clearly making the best out of some abysmal scripts and stale hipster-bashing (and this is a show that thinks Coldplay is a “hipster band,” so it’s not even terribly GOOD at the hipster-bashing).

But the bigger problem: That Fucking Horse. The show is called 2 Broke Girls. I realize if they sell the horse, it’d be called “2 Girls Who Just Turned In a Tidy Profit From Selling That Horse,” and the premise would pretty much be over. But it’s just that the entirety of reality is flipped off for the sake of a dumb sight gag.

Let alone the fact that horses shit a lot. So…pretty sure the broke girls’ back yard is a major health hazard and they’d probably receive a hefty fine. 

Anyway, this show is terrible.

How To Be A Gentleman actually has a not-bad premise, and that both Rickety Cricket and Johnny Drama play their roles with a certain level of self-awareness was pretty refreshing. Now if they can just get some use out of Rhys Darby, Dave Foley and Mary-Lynne –

Oh, really? Wow, that was fast.

Nevermind then.

Revenge is kind of fun, but I much prefer the version that plays in my mind, where it’s called The OC Season 5: REVENNNNNGE!!!! And the blond Count of Monte Cristo stand-in thinks Sandy Cohen is the one who destroyed her father, and she secretly plots against him until Seth explains the concept of Batman to her and then she starts dating Ryan.

I miss The OC.

Pan Am is a delightful show that also fills me with rage because it constantly reminds me that I have to go to modern airports that seem specifically designed to make me hate every living thing and piece of technology.

If Steven Spielberg could just go for 15 goddamn minutes without attaching his name to a project about the Importance of Family, I might be able to sit through Terra Nova. But I cannot, for the same reason I wanted to punch the screen during Falling Skies. Hey, you know what’s a good show? Time-travelers make a camp in dinosaur times! You know what’s a tedious premise I’ve seen a million fucking times and it’s weak sauce every time? Earnest lead is great at his job, but just can’t connect with his teenage kids.

Knock it off, Spielberg.

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Comments
  1. John Jackson says:

    There’s a horse? Like a physical actual horse?

  2. Jeff Holland says:

    An actual, factual horse.

  3. EDWIN VIERA says:

    YOU KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 2 BROKE GIRLS IS HILARIOUS. I CONSTANTLY WATCH THAT SHOW AND FEEL YOU SPEAK A FALSE TRUTH. ON THE SHOW REVENGE YEA THAT SHOW SUCKS, BUT 2 BROKE GIRLS IS ONE OF THE BEST NEW TELEVISION SHOWS OF THE SEASON.

  4. braak says:

    You should consider interrogating your feelings a little more thoroughly. “False truth” is a contradiction in terms.

  5. Ali says:

    Your Face must be terrible because 2 Broke Girls gets an Average of 8 million views. So Suck on that.

  6. braak says:

    lolol, yeah, we are all personally offended by the fact that there are 8 million idiots who watch terrible crap.

    Hahah, maybe it’s not demonstrably excruciating horseshit at every level, maybe I’M the one who’s wrong!

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