The DCU New 52: Justice League #2

Posted: October 25, 2011 in Braak, comic books, crotchety ranting
Tags: , , , , ,

I am going to get back to my monster posts soon, I have still got more don’t worry. But I read Justice League #2 and I wanted to just follow up with it. I thought to myself, “Well, I thought #1 was kind of inane, but maybe they’re just getting some stuff out of the way so they can get work, or something you know?”

Oof.

Here is what I like about it (and by “like” I mean “do not like”):  when Batman and Superman and Green Lantern are fighting, they decide to get help from the Flash.  So, here is how Green Lantern gets the Flash involved in this whole adventure:  he calls him. On the telephone! “Hey, Flash!  Invincible alien is trying to bash us with his unbreakable hands, could you run by and give us some help?”

In the next issue, they’re going to say, “We could realize use a sea-powered guy here, anybody got any ideas?”  And then Superman will say, “Hey, yeah, there’s this Aquaman character in my bridge club, why don’t I swing by his apartment after I pick up the Chinese takeout?”

I know that I haven’t been a big advocate for this “Let’s explain how the Justice League got together!” idea, because it seems stupid to me.  Like, I don’t really care.  “They’re a league of superheroes, whatever.  Go have some adventures, motherfuckers.”

But if you’re going to do it, at least make it an exciting adventure, you know?  Don’t tell me about that time Superman was going to fight Batman but then they stopped fighting. And then Flash had to be there, too, so Green Lantern called him on the phone.  Is that it?  That’s it.  That’s how Flash got to be on the Justice League.  GREEN LANTERN CALLED HIM ON THE PHONE.

Good story, guys.  One for the ages.

The Batman-fights-with-Superman thing was actually even lamer than it was teased in the preceding.  It’s not really a fight.  Superman is riled up about something, and I guess doesn’t hear them talking about how they just want to talk to him or whatever, so he is going to fight Batman, and Batman throws a bunch of stuff at him and of course it just bounces off, and then Batman says, “Everyone stop fighting we’re all on the same team.”  And then they’re all on the same team.

I also don’t understand the central conflict of personalities here — I mean, there is no real central conflict of personalities, except that Batman is kind of a dick, and also Green Lantern is kind of a dick, the end.  But if there is GOING to be a clash and a misunderstanding, I don’t get why it isn’t between Green Lantern (whose job is to protect Earth from dangerous super-powered aliens) and Superman (who is a dangerous super-powered alien).

The other thing I don’t understand is this:  when we are introduced to the Flash, it’s with Barry Allen in his role as “police scientist” talking to a regular detective or captain or something, and telling him that he has evidence about this murder that happened in a parking lot, but the detective says, “No, the chief doesn’t want any murders solved, he wants all the detectives working on this the Flash case.”

So, wait…what?  The whole police precinct of a major metropolitan police force — (this, I’m just guessing based on TV shows, you know) the Special Victims Unit, the Homicide division, the Major Case squad, the guys who handle car thefts and shit, everyone EVEN THE CRIME LAB drops everything that they’re doing, all the rapists and car thieves and liquor store robbers and murderers and all that. They’re going to drop everything that they’re doing, and spend all of their time chasing this vigilante, who hasn’t murdered or raped or robbed anyone and that basically nobody has actually ever seen because he’s super fast and such.

Even the crime lab, though, so, what?  How is the crime lab supposed to devote all of their resources to the Flash thing?  They don’t have any physical evidence for the Flash (I assume, because if they did then Barry probably already “misplaced” it), are they just supposed to sit there staring at all of the unprocessed rape kits on their desks?

“Hey, Barry, should we test this DNA or something, for all of these violent criminal cases we have pending?”

“Nope.  Chief said we’ve got to catch the Flash, so think real hard about a way to do that, I guess.”

Of course, Barry did do some kind of evidence thing on his own, which is how he knows those people were murdered (I don’t remember who those people were, but I have a suspicion that their deaths aren’t going to be pertinent to the story), but none of the detectives will pursue the crime, because they are ALL IN A ROOM TOGETHER trying to figure out how to catch the Flash.

Here’s a thought experiment I got for you.  Let me just run this by you guys.  Barry Allen is a pretty good guy, right?  Like, he’s smart about chemistry and all that, but he didn’t become a chemist, he became a forensic scientist.  That means he wants to help people, right?  He must want to help people a lot, because your pay as a forensic scientist is pretty shit compared to if you were a brilliant bio-tech scientist at LexCorp.

So, Barry Allen is really committed to using his regular chemistry abilities to help people.  And he knows that as long as this “Flash” character is running around loose, none of the cops are going to arrest any rapist or murderers because the police chief of Central City is criminally fucking irresponsible. If that’s the case, how come Barry Allen doesn’t just turn himself in?

“Hey, guys, I’m the Flash.  I’m quitting being a superhero, though, so we can all get back to work catching RAPISTS AND MURDERERS.”

Now that I think about it, if he already works for the police, and he discovers he has super-speed, why doesn’t he just tell them?  “Hello there.  I’m Barry Allen, the fastest man on the police force!”  I guess you’d have to read Barry Allen’s origin story to figure out why he isn’t using his super-speed power to just do his already-based-on-catching-criminals job more effectively.

I just realized that the other thing I like about Justice League starting up with everyone already knowing about each other’s powers is that there’s none of this, “What do you do?”  “Well, what do YOU do?”  “Wait, you can see through things?”  “We need someone fast.” dialogue.

I KNOW WHAT SUPERMAN’S POWERS ARE, THANKS.

Bleh.  Anyway, I am not going to buy this one, but I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to buy it, so I guess it’s not news.

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Comments
  1. Jeff Holland says:

    “Even the crime lab, though, so, what? How is the crime lab supposed to devote all of their resources to the Flash thing? ”

    CSI: Chief, I found a bootprint, I think belongs to the Flash!
    POLICE CHIEF: No! No, only one bootprint?! That won’t do, the Flash is super-fast, we’re going to need, like, a hundred!
    CSI: But…
    CHIEF: Get me two hundred of the Flash’s bootprints, and then you can go back to that rape thingy!

  2. Jay Andrews says:

    Nice one mate – I understand what you mean about the police thing.

    When you can find the time, please check out my Justice League 2 review, which compares it to Cheesecake – http://www.comicbookandmoviereviews.com/2011/11/justice-league-2.html

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