Hi, Battlestar Galactica robots, it’s me again.
HU-MAN NOISE GENERATOR, WELCOME
IT IS EXPECTED
…Dick. Anyway, remember during my write-up of season 1, where I made fun of your sekrit plan being “Get Boomer knocked up”?
YES, WE LAUGHED AT YOUR LACK OF FOREKNOWLEDGE.
OUR LAUGHTER IS DEEPLY UNPLEASANT!
Fine. Look, I didn’t realize your plan was actually dictated to you by your god.
OUR ONE GOD TOLD US TO HAVE BABIES, YES. NOW WHO FEELS LIKE THE BIGOT?
Here’s the thing, though. If God is a product of man – or, in this case, Cylons – then…why the fuck would you guys make yourselves a God that tells you to do something you’re simply not designed to do?
That’s fucking mental. That’s like if there was an extra chapter around the end of the Bible where our Judeo-Christian God left a note specifically telling us to learn to shoot our thumbs off like rocket-darts or something.
HAHAHA YOU DO NOT HAVE ROCKET THUMB CAPABILITIES: PROOF OF INFERIORITY
Well I’m pretty sure I can knock someone up, so maybe dial it back a bit, hoss.
…THIS UNIT’S FEELINGS HAVE BEEN COMPROMISED BY YOUR WORDS
Oh jeez. Get over it. Anyway, hey, look – you ended up getting a Boomer pregnant anyway! Turns out you just had to do enough fucking and your weird mecha-organics would eventually interface with our good old-fashioned Tamoh Penikett sperm.
YES, WE HAVE TRIUMPHED
And you didn’t even need all those fucking rape farms.
Yeah. I watched the episode with the farms.
…YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THOSE.
Well I’M not the one who wrote that episode. Ugh. And jeez – it turned out you didn’t even need ’em.
NO, WE ONLY REQUIRED LOVE
Are…are you fucking serious?
YES. WE HAVE ANSWERED YOUR COMPLAINT THAT SIX AND BALTAR SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO PRODUCE OFFSPRING. WE BELIEVE LOVE IS REQUIRED FOR SUCCESSFUL IMPREGNATION. YOU ARE WELCOME
You needed to fall in love to make a baby?
YES – TRULY WE ARE MORE HU-MAN THAN YOU!
So…we invent you. You evolve past your makers, so you go ahead and start believing in God, specifically that God told you to do the one thing you can’t do, then you figure out you CAN but only if you really really love each other. Is this what you’re telling me?
You guys are the worst fucking robots.
AT LEAST OUR MILITARY LEADER IS NOT CRYING OR SENDING HIS WHOLLY UNQUALIFIED SON TO INVESTIGATE A MURDER
Yeah, okay. Okay, we’ve both got some growing to do, I guess.