Archive for the ‘October Horror’ Category

Rather than subject you guys to weeks of drawn-out “Here are the horror movies I watched this year” posts, I thought I’d bang them out all at once.

The Fog – I was really excited for this movie to be about pirate-ghosts, and was hugely let down when it turned out to be about leper-ghosts. I don’t know why. Though I’m sure Braak could break it down for us.
On the upside, I would like Adrienne Barbeau to narrate everything now, please.  (more…)

Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.

This one is about Creatures in the sub-category, “from Lagoons and Such, Black or Otherwise.”

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Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.  Today I am going to talk about witches, because witches are a kind of monster and…

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Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.

Today I’m going to talk about two things, for reasons that I hope will be eventually made clear:  1) Unclean Spirits, and 2) Malphas, a Mighty Prince of Hell (&. al).

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Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.  Today, the Wolf-Man.

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It has been nearly TWO YEARS since I first published the Hierarchy of Monsters, and in the subsequent time no one has published any modified hierarchy that is more accurate, complete, or awesome.  This means that, by default, I am the internet’s leading Monsterologist.  Suck it up, kids, you lost this round.

In my role as the Internet’s the World’s the Universe’s leading Monsterologist, I have come to discuss something that I’ve been thinking of as the monster Eigen League.

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(OR: “Stomping Around in the Dark: A 5-Year Retrospective!”)

(OR:
“The Scary Things don’t seem too concerned with hiding in big shadows. They just wait for you to look at them.”)

As Halloween weekend approaches, you’re probably lining up your movie selections with your own personal playlist of great horror/suspense/sci-fi/dark-fantasy/what-have-you films.

You’ve probably got some zombie flicks lined up (Romero, 28 Days/Weeks Later, even Shaun of the Dead), maybe a good vampire movie (Let the Right One In), a classic or two (Cat People on TCM Sunday, 2 AM), and probably a couple fun schlock-fests (Re-Animator, or hey – Evil Dead 2 is on AMC Sunday at 6 AM!). All solid choices, I’m sure.

Now, these last five years, I’ve devoted each October to catching up with all the horror films I’ve missed in my lifetime, while also sussing out which new ones are worth adding to the canon.

Representing the best of the last five years of having to put up with crap like Candyman so I can occasionally stumble onto something good, I humbly submit these TQP-approved entries for a quality movie-viewing weekend:  (more…)

I haven’t followed my usual pattern this month, wherein I watch a lot of horror (or horror-ish) movies of varying quality and try to figure out whether they’re worth the time spent watching them. A couple reasons for this:

  • The ones I didn’t like weren’t really that bad, just not all that interesting (there was no way for me to stretch “Picnic At Hanging Rock was pretty boring” out to the usual 1000 words)
  • Even I couldn’t get through more than a half-hour of Roger Corman’s Frankenstein Unbound (though any movie where John Hurt delivers the line “I suppose I should begin with the time slips” with all the energy he’d bring to telling you about this bagel he had one Sunday deserves a shout-out, at least), and
  • The ones I liked were fairly obvious (you don’t need me to tell you to go see Let the Right One In; although, you may need me to tell you the 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake was a lot more involving than I thought it would be, so…there, done) and I wasn’t bringing anything new to the discussion.

But the more I sit here and think about it, the more I believe The Invisible Man was the most awesomely weird movie monster I’ve seen in quite some time. The reason: He isn’t just invisible. He’s jacked-up, naked, and crazy (and yes invisible).

He is, in fact, like a PCP addict with an extra edge.   (more…)

Except, given that Paranormal Activity 2 is already on the way, I guess it’s already a thing.

But horror movies, please hear me! You need to stop with the documentary-camera conceit. It is not helping you.

(And yes, this is me complaining about a movie that’s over a year old, but I just saw Paranormal Activity so just kind of go with me here.)

There are a few big problems with the stylistic choice, the first and most obvious being:

It murders suspension of disbelief. (more…)

I am fighting a losing battle with horror movies, because ultimately I find ideas a lot scarier than images. And horror movies (and the devoted FX people who work on them) tend to focus on the visuals.

But while individually, these movies – particularly those in a sci-fi/horror vein – often lack in the story area, the visuals carry an overarching theme: DO NOT SCREW AROUND WITH SCIENCE. (more…)