Archive for the ‘Teh Goofy’ Category

How do you cook your meat? In a skillet?

An old-fashioned charcoal grill?

Perhaps some kind of nice propane grill?

PUT DOWN YOUR BUGGY-WHIP OLD MAN!

You are not utilizing ultra-modern meat-cooking technology until you are cooking on…

…A GRILL THAT IS ALSO AN MP3 PLAYER.  (more…)

The answer to this question depends primarily on what kind of hat you wear.

Survivor: Lost Edition

Posted: February 19, 2010 in Braak, Teh Goofy
Tags: , ,

In the interests of Network synergy, ABC and CBS are combining their two most popular shows into one, EVEN MORE POPULAR SHOW.  Survivor:  Lost.

There will be some key differences between this show and a regular episode of Lost.

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A new phone, coupled with emotional stress from the theft of my mug at work means one thing: I was distracted from writing a decent post for today. So I’m going to cheat.

 “What’s the deal with Twitter?” I have been asked/overheard at work but didn’t want to get involved in the discussion. The actual question, which people mean but are too polite to phrase this way, is “Why the fuck do I need to care about something that sounds, to me, stupid?”

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posted by Chris Braak

The general consensus is that Hillary Clinton will need to either a) win the remaining primaries with 91% of the popular vote, or b) claim the votes of superdelegates who will vote against their state’s popular vote.

These are not the only options.

With the Democratic Party’s newly instituted “Lightning Primaries,” values of delegates will be doubled. In addition, a secret, “Ultra-Delegate” has been selected from among the remaining delegates; whichever candidate claims him or her will have the choice of receiving sixteen bonus delegates, or a Pontiac Sebring Convertible.

If Hillary manages to secure the Ultra-Delegate, and claims the value of the bonus delegates, as well as win by a majority in the remaining primaries, she and Barack Obama will move on to the Eliminator. Obama remains the odds-on favorite in the Eliminator challenge, but if Hillary manages to complete the obstacle course with a time of three minutes, thirty seconds or less, she will be able to compete with Obama directly in the Joust for an additional 14 delegates.

Alternately, as long as she does not lose ground in the Kentucky, Oregon, Montana, and South Dakota primaries, Hillary will be able to compete in the Final Primary round. Here, she’ll be able to wager a percentage of her pledged delegates based on her knowledge of the chosen category (which is still undecided; experts anticipate the two likeliest choices as “American Jurisprudence,” and “Movies”). This won’t be a lock; she’ll need to wager enough that if she gets the answer right, and Obama gets it wrong, she’ll come out ahead, but not so much that if they both get it wrong she’ll drop out of the running.

Furthermore, every primary brings the two candidates closer to picking up one of the five Whammy Delegates—any one of which will neutralize all delegates won from states that end in the letter “A.” That is, unless a candidate manages to secure all five Whammy delegates (referred to by campaign strategists as “The Big Whammy Strategy”), in which case he or she will see their delegate values from all states that begin with the letter “N” doubled.

Fortunately, even if Hillary does not succeed in picking up the Democratic nomination, she will have the option of two excellent consolation prizes: a complete set of kitchen appliances (furnished by Kenmore), or a two-week, all-expenses-paid trip to Cabo San Lucas (provided by the Mexico Bureau of Tourism).