Posts Tagged ‘Avatar’

No, I’m not going to go see it. And yes, I’m as disappointed as anyone that two of the movies I was kind of looking forward to – along with Jonah Hex – have received not just bad reviews, but the worst reviews I have ever seen.

I’m a little more bummed about The Last Airbender, though, because the reviews echo everything I was worried about – the acting is horrible, the dialogue is perfunctory, and – most damning to me – it’s just not much fun.

This was about the time that I started to wonder if maybe I was giving the Nickelodeon series too much credit. Was it really as fun, as joyous, as funny as I recalled? Maybe not.

So I watched the first two episodes on Netflix Instant Viewer again, and one thing in particular struck me:

In the first minute of the series alone, there are like five really funny moments.

And then Aang rides a penguin. The penguin does not particularly seem to care about this one way or the other, but Aang could NOT BE HAPPIER.

Moments of joy are what make the moments of danger mean something.

It’s a damn shame nobody seemed to remember this during filming.

OK, I’ve had a week to think about Avatar.

Which…Avatar doesn’t get better, the more you think about it. I’ll warn you right now about that.

Rather than bother with a straight-up review of Avatar – spoiler alert, I thought the visuals were really nice, the CGI characters were so smooth I honestly forgot I wasn’t looking at real actors, the script didn’t have two braincells to rub together, and Sam Worthington can’t fucking act, as it turns out – I figure I’d just address certain issues I ran into with the movie.

Why is 3D making a comeback? Well, the obvious answer – because Avatar is a runaway success – but why was Avatar itself in 3D? I’m a little lost on that point. Was there a clamoring for it? I don’t believe so. The people I talk to are pretty split on the issue – some like it, some don’t. I don’t. At all. I always THINK I will, but every time, my eyes strain, the glasses are an uncomfortable fit (at least for Avatar ; during Coraline I felt like I was Roy Orbison – which is to say I felt awesome), every time I tilt my head the screen goes blurry, and – most problematically – I find I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be focusing on.

And that’s…kinda crucial for a movie. Particularly a movie that is full of things that aren’t really there. The 3D instead gives everything a bit of a free-floating nature (and not just the stupid damn fireflies in the foreground that audiences are supposed to swat at), so the brain has to do extra work interpreting the weight, placement and grounding of each object before it can get anything else done.

My point here: if you want me to get into the story, I have to accept the world presented to me as real. Which brings me to point two. (more…)

See, the goggles tell you I'm SINISTER. The goatee doesn't hurt, either.

It is a truly vile, evil theory, and if I’m right, I am quite impressed.

Now, as is well known in certain circles, I am what is generally referred to as an “evil genius.” One might even use the term “diabolical miscreant” but I don’t want to put words in anyone’s mouth (…yet! Moo-hoo-ha-ha-haaa). Point is, yo, over here: supervillain. Henchmen, complicated machinery (see this Thursday’s post!), all of that jazz. I gots it.

In fact, “Threat Quality Press” is merely a shell corporation for my real sinister endeavors. (Yes, just like the Mars Corp. backed Cobra. They got the idea from me, I swear.) I reveal all this so you know I have what the commoners who will soon be GROUND BENEATH MY POINTY EVIL BOOT-HEELS WOOO-HOO-HAAAA (sorry, habit) refer to as “cred.”

Now, before I begin unraveling my diabolical theory, congratulations are in order. So, from one evil genius to another: James Cameron? I salute you, sir.

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