Posts Tagged ‘Cobra-La’

Back when I checked out G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra and found it well, awful – despite the casting of Joseph Gordon Levitt as Cobra Commander and Ray Park as Snake-Eyes, which, in a just world, would have made it completely awesome – I also made a point to tracking down the 1986 animated movie.

Being that I was six when I last saw it, I had only vague recollections of it being a) kind of wild, and b) utterly baffling.

Turns out, utter bafflement is the only response to “G.I. Joe: The Movie,” because it decides to take the “highly trained special missions force vs. terrorist organization” premise and chuck it out the window, in favor of, “What if G.I. Joe fought a weird, insect-based secret society?”

This is pretty nuts. “G.I. Joe: The Movie” is like watching a “24” film where Jack Bauer fights werewolves. It makes that amount of sense. (Scratch that: I would watch the crap out of that movie.)

This is what it’s like to sit through a 23-year-old cartoon that makes no sense:

On the Opening Theme Song Sequence:
“Armies of the night/evil taking flight!/Cobraaaaaa (Co-BRAAAA!)/Cobraaaaa (Co-BRAAAA!)” Wait, snakes can’t fly. This movie doesn’t make any sense and we’re only a minute in!  (more…)