Posts Tagged ‘Dolph Lundgren’

Well, the missus-to-be is on a family vacation this week, which means it’s up to me to amuse myself. So I did what any bored, temporarily single American male comics geek might do:

I watched all three Punisher movies again.

Part of my recent re-acquaintance with the Punisher stems from my and the internet’s collective hand-wringing over the absurd levels of violence that can be found in the new crop of DC comics, and how dammit, we should not be allowing young children to see such violence in what should be escapist superhero fare!

Except I am also keenly aware that when I was 10, I was reading every Punisher comic my mom didn’t know I’d gotten my hands on. It was the late 80’s and I was a comic book newbie, and yet I knew one thing: The Punisher was cool.

(Now, the obvious reason: If you see a dozen guys get killed in increasingly novel ways in a book where the lead character is a murdering vigilante, that’s one thing, but if you’re reading a Batman comic where the Joker’s getting his face cut off, that’s quite another.)

Anyway, no matter. I had a weekend on my own, the Punisher was on my mind, torrents are on my computer, and YouTube can helpfully provide me with the not-yet-on-DVD 1989 Dolph Lundgren adaptation.

To determine which could reasonably be considered the “best” of the three (this being a relative term), I have granted each a score based on several IRREFUTABLE METRICS, and I think you’ll be surprised which one actually wins.

In that I was kind of surprised.

Let’s look at the flaws and how each movie handles them:


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What is the measure of a man?chuck_norris

Whoa, whoa! Slow down. I know you want to say “Chuck Norris,” but hear me out.

The internet-meme-turned-annoying-T-shirt-franchise Chuck Norris Facts is actually a solid starting point for our discussion, as the Ideal of Chuck Norris seems to have overtaken the man himself – at least, that’s what I gather after finding that www.chucknorrisfacts.com outranks the actor’s actual homepage on a Google search.

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