Posts Tagged ‘Horror’

I made a joke in the comments on THIS POST, at the Toast, about how I would like to watch a movie that was just Heather Lagenkamp and Jamie Lee Curtis going around and solving mysteries, but then I started to think about it and actually this is basically a completely amazing idea that I will now elaborate.

The premise of Final Girls, Inc., is that our heroines have formed what is essentially a private-detective agency, except instead of going around from town to town and fighting and killing monsters, they go around in search of other “final girls” — people who have survived horrific encounters with the supernatural — and help them cope with the trauma and put their lives back together.

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QUICK! I am writing down all of my thoughts about this before I have time to organize them. Spoilers follow the jump, DON’T READ THEM unless you have seen the movie. It is a pretty good movie, and it is worth seeing, and don’t find out anymore about it than that.
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Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.

Up today is the Stalker, which is a name I’m using for a whole category of nasty suckers that you’d probably recognize on sight:  Michael Meyers, Jason Vorhees, you know them, they’ve been terrorizing sexed-up teenagers for a hundred years.

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Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.

This one is about Creatures in the subcategory of “Made by Dr. Frankenstein.”

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Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.

This one is about Creatures in the sub-category, “from Lagoons and Such, Black or Otherwise.”

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Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.  Today I am going to talk about witches, because witches are a kind of monster and…

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Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.

Today I’m going to talk about two things, for reasons that I hope will be eventually made clear:  1) Unclean Spirits, and 2) Malphas, a Mighty Prince of Hell (&. al).

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Part of my ONGOING SERIES about just what distinguishes the classic monsters in my WORLD FAMOUS Monster Hierarchy from each other.  The first part was about the Vampire, and it’s also got my thoughts about what an “Eigen League” is and why I think it’s meritorious to discuss this subject.  Long story short:  in a group of monsters like the kind on the hierarchy, my theory is that they sufficiently fulfill a necessary number of roles in the human consciousness with regards to horror.  Today, the Wolf-Man.

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It has been nearly TWO YEARS since I first published the Hierarchy of Monsters, and in the subsequent time no one has published any modified hierarchy that is more accurate, complete, or awesome.  This means that, by default, I am the internet’s leading Monsterologist.  Suck it up, kids, you lost this round.

In my role as the Internet’s the World’s the Universe’s leading Monsterologist, I have come to discuss something that I’ve been thinking of as the monster Eigen League.

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Happy Day of the Living Dead

Posted: April 4, 2010 in Braak
Tags: , , ,

As all of you know, today is Easter, a day in which Christians celebrate the terrible majesty of their Undead God.

In thirty-three AD, a criminal madman was sentenced to death by the Roman Governor Pontius Pilate.  Three days after the execution, the man returned from Hell leading an army of the damned, and changing the face of civilization as we know it.  As is custom, every year Christians gather to appease the monstrous undead legions with fresh rabbit carcasses, attempting to sate their terrible hunger in the hopes that they will be spared and live to see the glorious End of Days, when ALL the dead shall rise up and devour the living, and also there will be locusts and plagues and stuff.

Though I am not an adherent to this faith, I feel that it is important to look past sectarian differences and recognize brothers and sisters in terror.

Iä!  Iä!  Iesu Ftahn!