Posts Tagged ‘shitheads’

There was a little piece in the New York Daily News today, from Stephen Baldwin:

“I’d like to knock some good sense into Barack,” Alec’s right-wing bro said at the Printing House Gym in the Village. “I wouldn’t hurt him. But if he wins the election, he’ll hurt me. He’s a cultural terrorist”

I’m going to repeat part of that, because I think that it’s important.  Stephen Baldwin–STEPHEN BALDWIN–called Barack Obama a “cultural terrorist.”  Stephen Baldwin, whose contributions to American culture include, but ARE NOT LIMITED TO:  The Snake King, The Sex Monster, Dark Storm, EARTH Storm, and SLAPSHOT 2:  BREAKING THE ICE.

It’s fairly safe to say that Stephen Baldwin wouldn’t know culture if Werner Herzog took a copy of Don Quixote and BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH IT while Picasso played “Moonlight Sonata” in the background.

Stephen Baldwin.  I just don’t even know what to do.  I’m contributing to the problem, obviously, and I shouldn’t be, but I can’t help it–for real, regardless of how, if you think about it, you can make an argument that a person is slightly kind of almost famous, RETARDED PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT POLITICS.

YEEEEARRRRGHH!  Apoplexy!

I want to draw your attention to this.  It’s from a site called the American Thinker, and I’m kind of torn about giving it any credence.  I don’t know that I want people to actually read this article, because I don’t want to contribute, in even the remotest way, to its credibility.  It’s an article hypothesizing that Barack Obama’s memoir, Dreams of My Father, was actually ghost-written by Bill Ayers.

And it is utterly moronic.

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Over on the Smoking Gun, they’ve got a full-sized version of this flyer, that the League of American Patriots has been passing out in New Jersey.

The League has been getting a lot of flack for this flyer, which states pretty unequivocally that they think that people shouldn’t vote for Obama because he’s black, and being black, he will naturally cause our HIV infection rate to increase.

I think that they deserve a little credit though.  I mean, no one has been saying anything about THIS poster, that they’ve also distributed:

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There are times when I just don’t understand what’s going on.  I mean, I’m a fairly smart guy, I think, but I spend a lot of my life befuddled.

I saw this link, about fat sack of crap Rush Limbaugh (I guess he has a radio show, or something?  Aside from his main job of being a sack of crap?).  There’s video there of Limby lying about Barack Obama.

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I’m old, now, and I need to sleep. Soon, I won’t be able to eat anything but tomato soup and cheese sandwiches, as I squint with failing eyes at Public Broadcasting programs about the Civil War.

Until that time, someone needs to explain to me what the matter is with kids today. In particular, they need to explain to me what the deal is with Kid Rock’s “All Summer Long.”

You may have heard this song on the radio. If you’re like me, you immediately thought you were listening to Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London,” because it takes the bottom of that song as its base, and plays it the whole way through. Except for a part where they stop and play the opening riff from Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama.”

I need to know why this is okay. I don’t mean why it’s legal–that’s something to do with rights and copyrights and money and blah blah blah–I mean “why is this an okay thing to do?” Why do they play it on the radio station? Why is this single driving the sales of Kid Rock’s album Rock and Roll Jesus?

Why does this tool at About.com (to which I posed this very same question) seem to think that this song is awesome?

Well, it is awesome. It is extremely awesome. It is Warren Zevon’s extremely awesome song. Kid Rock didn’t do anything to it, he just put new lyrics in, and added a riff from a different extremely awesome song.

This doesn’t make any fucking sense! If I tried to make a new painting by gluing the Mona Lisa on top of Guernica, I would not be able to sell albums–I would rightly be mocked derisively by any and all concerned. If I tried to make a band whose single was me putting new lyrics to “White Room” and then adding the riff from the opening of “Stairway to Heaven” people would think I was retarded.

Why can Kid Rock do this, and no one says that it’s both extremely stupid and kind of insulting to the bands in question?

I mean, he doesn’t even juxtapose the ideas of the song in any intelligent way. The lyrics are all about how great it is to hang out in the summer. “Werewolves of London” has (extremely awesome) lyrics about werewolves looking stylish and mutilating old ladies. And, let’s face it: if you’ve heard “Werewolves of London” on the radio, it was either when Warren Zevon died, or during Halloween, which takes place in October. It is in no way related to fond summer memories. Even people who were Warren Zevon fans and who liked the song probably don’t have fond summer memories about it.

But, really, there aren’t that many Warren Zevon fans, and I get the feeling that Zevon’s fanbase doesn’t really overlap with Kid Rock’s. This all leaves us with important questions about the nature of music and authorship, perhaps the most pertinent of which is: is Kid Rock just riding on the successful work of a superior songwriter?

Yes. Yes he is.

Here’s a picture of him looking like a douchey shithead.

It’s true, he is.

I’m not calling him a homophobe, because I don’t think his problem stems from a repressed, latent homosexuality. I think he’s an asshole, because he’s got a vision of what is socially acceptable that is deeply-rooted in a religion whose mendacity is historically evident, and wants to enforce it on the rest of the world.

He’s an asshole because he’s conflating the government idea of “marriage” with the religious idea of “marriage,” EVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS THAT THEY ARE DIFFERENT, and is using this confusion in order to make the weaker argument the stronger.

He’s an asshole for saying that the courts are “forcing” gay marriage on the people of California, even though he knows damn well that that’s not what they’re doing. The courts are doing their job: marriage is ill-defined, legally, and there is no legal reason why homosexuals shouldn’t be allowed to marry. If the people of California want to change that, they need to change their constitution. Sorry; that’s what you get for not being specific.

But no one is being forced to gay marry. Your church isn’t going to be forced to perform homosexual marriages, your church isn’t going to be required to recognize homosexual marriages. The homos aren’t going to get into heaven; don’t worry, Mormons–marriages before the state don’t count in the eyes of God. No one his being forced to accept anything; the rights of property, inheritance, and health insurance for other couples are none of your fucking business in the first place.

He’s an asshole for positing a slippery-slope argument where he knows that none exists; gays crusading for equal rights is not the same thing as gays eventually receiving superior rights, it’s not the same thing as oppressing the shitheads that think it’s their business who is fucking whom.

He’s an asshole for advocating more intrusion by the state into the personal lives of its citizens, by demanding that the state have even more legal jurisdictions when it comes to marriage.

Finally, he’s an asshole for writing a book meant to teach kids about compassion, and then pulling some stupid shit like this.

Orson Scott Card, you are fucking banned. If I see you, I am going to deck you. You put a little picture up of yourself next to your article, so don’t think I won’t recognize you.