Posts Tagged ‘Teh Goofy’

Five Songs Whose Lyrics Are Zany

Posted: September 2, 2009 in Braak
Tags: , ,

grand illusionI dunno, I don’t have much to do today, and I’ve been thinking about this post for a while.  If you’re anything like me, you can listen to a song over and over without really hearing what it’s about.  It  can even be one of your favorite songs to listen to, but it’s not until you actually sit down and really listen to it that you realize the song is insane.  So, I will make a list of some of the ones that I flipped out over.


Today: Assorted

Posted: July 20, 2009 in Braak
Tags: ,

I don’t have anything to write about today, really, so here’s some assorted things:

1) Happy Moon Day. Today is the anniversary of the day some guys walked on the moon, and that’s great. As many of you know, the moon is my family’s ancient demesne, and I am its exiled emperor. I heartily applaud the nations of the world for their support in helping me send my armies to that lunar sphere, that I might recover it from the moon-Bolsheviks.

2) Only however many years too late, I finally just saw Sideways. Can someone tell me why they made that movie look like it was from the seventies? In any event, it was kind of a boring movie that I didn’t care about at all, but Paul Giamatti is really good.

3) Do you guys get commercials for something called National Tire and Battery? They have these radio commercials on all the time that are the most mind-bogglingly infuriating commercials ever. Just over-emphatic smarmy guys saying the same thing over and over again. “I can get four tires for FREE?” “Four tires, for free!” “Four tires?” “Four OH MY GOD FUCKING SHUT UP.”

Dear NTB: I don’t know who came up with your commercials, but we don’t roll with retarded shit from the fifties any more. Your commercials are so god-damn irritating that I turn the radio off when I hear them. They are so irritating that I turn my face away if I happen to go by your store, for fear of inadvertently reliving them. Do you understand this?

You have created an anti-commercial. You have created an un-advertisement so potent that not only would I not buy tires from you if I had four flats and you had the Swedish Bikini Team giving away ice cream and handjobs across the street, but I won’t even shop at stores NEAR you. I won’t even listen to the ads on the radio after yours. You are like an atomic bomb of unadvertising, leaving a swath of neglected business behind you at every step, poisoning the fertile ground of radio ads for your fellow industries.

Fuck you, National Tire and Battery. Fuck you.

This is the second of the NPR Interviews that I did.

This one is with AFA Founder and President, Donald Wildmon

wildmon123(No, it isn’t, not really.)

I guess Holland is busy today, or something.  I never really know what he’s up to.

For your professional development as a playwright in these United States, I have made a flowchart that I believe will be of some assistance.  It’s wide, so you’ll have to click on it to enlarge.


On Mustard (TQP0116)

Posted: November 14, 2008 in Braak
Tags: , ,

Dear Subway:

What’s the deal?  Why do you keep wanting to put mustard on top of the vegetables when you make my sandwich?  I know you guys have been at this for a while.  The guys that work at my Subway even have special shirts indicating that they want to the University of Subway.

So, while you were getting your PhD’s in Sandwich, didn’t anyone point out to you that when you put the condiments on top of all the vegetables, then they fall out with all the little bits of shredded lettuce you’ve got in there?  Or else squirt all over your face when you try and bite the sandwich?  You have to protect the mustard, man.  Keep it safe and secret in the heart of the subway.

While we’re at it, please stop looking at me like I’m crazy when I ask for extra spinach.  I’m not the one that thinks that five precisely-laid out leaves constitutes a sufficient sandwich topping.



On the Bureaucracy (TQP0114)

Posted: November 12, 2008 in Braak, Politics
Tags: , ,

Don’t get me wrong; I understand where the Libertarians are coming from.  Getting things out of government services is a pain in the ass at best, and it’s reasonable to think that there must be some more efficient way to get it done.  I’m still in favor of the government running the criminal justice system, though, because the alternative to that is going to be something like wereguild or vendetta, and I just don’t see myself thriving in a situation like that.

Still, the way it works is, government systems are shitty, and the rest of us constantly complain about them and demand that they be improved, so that our lives will be marginally better.  Which is why when I received a juror’s summons, it was necessary that I respond in a civically responsible way.

My letter, after the jump.


On Saturday night, I went to the 215 Literary Festival, where I got to see John Hodgman.  That’s right:  John Hodgman.  You’ll have to forgive me if I seem a little unusually enthusiastic about the idea, but it’s the first time in my life that I’ve ever met someone even remotely famous, much less a MINOR TELEVISION PERSONALITY, and frequent guest-star on THE DAILY SHOW.


As some of you may know, I have a habit of making fun of idiots, both here and in reality. Ordinarily, I make fun of relevant idiots–or, like Stephen Baldwin, at least idiots that have busy schedules. Every once in a while, though, I end up picking a fight with an idiot that apparently has nothing better to do than rise to the implicit challenge that I offer: “Just how fucking stupid are you?”

And, oh my, the writer and readers of the fascinating study in political dumbfuckery that I linked to earlier, Rosetta the Racist, did not disappoint.

[UPDATE:  It’s been pointed out to me that some commenters lack the courage of their convictions, and would prefer to continue to lurk behind their masks of anonymity.  I have obligingly removed their e-mail addresses from this post, which were included due to oversight.]


Here we come to Rosetta the Racist herself.  Rosetta has, in the long and honorable tradition of high-strung fruitcakes flipping out when they’re criticised, written an enthusiastic and vitriolic response to my calling her an idiot.  I can’t imagine why.  Surely, my own credentials don’t merit this kind of attention, do they?  It’s not like I was calling her out in the Times, or anything.  I’m not complaining, mind you–Rosetta’s managed to triple my page views, drastically increase my authority on Technorati, and move Threat Quality Press up a few notches on the list if you do a Google search for “Idiot Republicans.”

[UPDATE:  I am informed that Rosetta is actually a man.  I will continue to refer to her as “she,” because if she has no problem creating the confusion, then I have no problem propagating it.]

Anyway.  To work!


One of the good things about WordPress is that when you sign in, it gives you links to a whole bunch of other blogs that are run through the same service.  It’s promoting interconnectedness, or immanentizing the singularity, or spiming the cube, or whatever Bruce Sterling would call it.

Today, I saw a blog post that caught my eye, and clicked on it.  It said:  I, Rosetta, Am A Proud Racist.

Hmmmm. (more…)