Posts Tagged ‘Twilight’

Acting does, in fact, require you to know what to do with your arms.

Yesterday, I talked about the communal experience that is watching an awful movie with a like-minded audience. It led me to the theory that the quality of a movie can sometimes be secondary to the enthusiasm of the viewers.

With that in mind, I popped in Twilight: New Moon. Because based on my experience with the first film in the ridiculously popular teen-vampire franchise, I knew there was no way of being pleasantly surprised.

But indeed I was. Because somehow, New Moon managed to be even more awful than its predecessor.

So I am here to spread the pain.


Twilight 1Because it is vitally important to me to see what the “kids” are “down with,” I watched Twilight. This was, quite possibly, a huge mistake.

We’re gonna get into this, with three caveats: A) Being as I’m not a teenaged girl, I know I am not the target audience for this movie; 2) I am talking from here on out about the immensely popular movie, and not the big fat-ass book it was whittled down from; and III) I KNOW I AM NOT THE AUDIENCE FOR THIS MOVIE.

That said, I am speaking as an utter expert on this teen-culture phenomenon. So I can say this: Twilight is one fucked-up piece of teen-culture phenomenon.

Allow me to summarize the film’s plot, omitting remarkably few details: